


Chameleon

by stormtrprinstilettos



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Slow Burn, Smut, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-01-13 01:38:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 74,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18458810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stormtrprinstilettos/pseuds/stormtrprinstilettos
Summary: Reader (that's you!) moves to London, hoping to leave her past behind and find happiness.She makes friends with her new neighbors. (Guess who?)I can't summarize the entire story because, well, I don't even know where it's going or how it's going to end.





	1. Puce

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic! I'm kind of nervous about sharing it, so please, be gentle.  
> First chapter here gives the backstory. I'm slow burning this one, mainly because I don't even know which direction it's going to go, so like every girl should do when she's trying to decide between two guys, I'm weighing the pros and cons...  
> Hope you enjoy this as much as I'm enjoying writing it.

You were in the taxi on a gloomy, rainy Sunday afternoon headed to the only place in the world you wanted to be, replaying the events of the last seven years in your head. They had been nothing but a big, nauseating roller coaster ride that you were barely strapped in for, and all you wanted was normalcy for a change. You wanted – no, you needed to prove to yourself that you didn’t need to depend on anyone, that you were perfectly capable of not being the massive fuck up that your dad always told you that you were whenever he was on one of his drunken rampages. The only person who ever gave you any semblance of encouragement, your mom, had passed away when you were 14. By the time you were 16 you left home, tired of being your dad’s figurative punching bag. Mark, the older guy you met a few weeks before leaving, promised he would take care of you, and you believed him. It only took a few months for you to become his literal punching bag, but you believed him when he said he loved you, so you forgave him every single time.

When you were 18, you went back home, deciding that it was time to grow up. Your dad offered you a job at his company, and you thrived, but he never missed a chance to let you know that you were still a massive fuck up. He had a fatal heart attack a year later, and then you ended up with his money, his house and the flat in London that your grandmother left him when she passed away. Mark showed back up, said he was a changed man, and, as always, you believed him.

You didn’t want to stay home anymore so you left, leaving the business in the hands of the people who knew what they were doing. You wanted to travel and took Mark along as your companion. You and your mom traveled a lot when she was alive, and you missed her – you needed her – and thought that going back to the places the two of you loved would somehow bring her back in whatever form she could return. You should have been happy, but you were miserable, thanks to Mark. One day he decided he wanted to go to India and change himself after reading an article in some magazine about how The Beatles did this transcendental meditation stuff, so you went to the airport in Paris, bought him his plane ticket and that was the last time you ever saw him.

When he left for India, you left to go back home, determined to grow the hell up, maybe go to college or something. You didn’t know, or care, but you wanted stability… normalcy. You were 21 at this point and it was time to be a big girl. You met with your father’s best friend, Jake, who was also his business partner, one night so he could go over the stuff about the company that you didn’t even care about. You woke up the next morning with him laying next to you in bed. The only thing that bothered you about it was the fact that it didn’t bother you at all. 

And so that’s how it continued. Jake would run the business, he’d come over once a month to go over to give you updates that you didn’t even care about, and he’d wake up in your bed the next morning before going home to his wife. Soon it started to get to you that when he wasn’t around, you weren’t getting that affection, so you had to go find it somewhere else. Attention equaled affection, self-destruction was your therapy, and you needed both. You didn’t even remember their names most of the time, but it didn’t matter, because you’d probably never see them again anyway. None of it bothered you, because if you had any combination of alcohol, drugs and sex, you were okay. Anything to make you not have to deal with reality.

Everything was fine until Jake’s wife figured out what was going on. He gave you the whole sob story about how he loved his wife but she just wasn’t satisfying him so that’s why he would sleep with you, and how she would take the kids and half of his money and... _blah blah blah_ , you thought. You rolled your eyes as he was telling you because you really didn’t care. The only reason for him to exist in your world was to go down on you (because the actual sex wasn’t even good) and take care of the business affairs that you had no clue about. His wife demanded that he buy out your share of the company, so you agreed, and just like that he was gone. 

One morning - or afternoon, rather - you woke up with another massive hangover and another random person in your bed. As you stumbled to get a drink of water, you caught a glance of yourself in the hallway mirror and stopped to look at yourself. Your bloodshot eyes, your hair a knotted mess, mascara running down your cheeks, lipstick smeared all over your face. _“You really are a massive_ _fuck_ _up,”_ you told yourself. The only way you were ever going to fix yourself was to change everything - your attitude, your friends, your surroundings… everything. You called Sam - he was your financial advisor of sorts, the one who took care of your money so you didn’t blow everything - and told him you wanted to go to London. He took care of the arrangements, and now here you were. Rain beating on the taxi window as the driver pulled up to the sidewalk to let you out. 

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰  

“Here you are, Miss,” the driver said as he parked the car and snapped you out of your thoughts. “We can wait until the rain stops if you’d like.”

“No, that’s alright,” you say with a smile. “A little rain never hurt anyone.”

He jumped out of the car, came around to your door to let you out, pulled your two suitcases out of the trunk as you took the money out of your purse to pay him. He offered to help you bring your bags in, but you insisted you could do it yourself, so you exchanged pleasantries and he was off.  

You proceed to attempt to drag your suitcases up the steps to the front door, making things more complicated than they needed to be, just like you always do. They were both way too heavy for you to handle alone, and you could have kicked yourself for not taking the taxi driver up on his offer, but you took the whole “I need to do things on my own” pep talk you gave yourself just a bit too literal. You start to lose your grip on one of the bags, so you let it go, intending for it to stay on the step until you got the other one inside of the door, only for it to go barreling down to the sidewalk.

"Of course," you murmur to yourself. You let go of the other suitcase to chase after it, not thinking, and that one also fell to the sidewalk, and that was all it took to break you. You sit on the steps in the rain, let your head fall into your hands, and allow the tears that you had no idea you had been holding back to flow.

"You alright?" a voice asks. You don’t move. You’re too embarrassed. The voice gets closer. "Hey, are you okay? Do you need some help?" You feel a hand on your shoulder, which you find quite comforting. You slowly lift you head and turn towards the voice. "Are you alright?" the voice asks again, for the third time. "You don't look alright."

You study the face in front of you, not knowing how to answer. No, you aren’t alright, but who is this person and why is he concerned? He looks kind enough. You can tell he is genuinely concerned, but you’re afraid if you speak you’ll let out everything that’s going on in your head. You don’t know this person and he doesn’t need to deal with it. He smiles, not showing his teeth, which you can tell he’s trying to hide, but you aren’t really even focused on that. His eyes. You feel such a comfort in his eyes. "Do you need some help?" You nod, finally acknowledging the fact that he is speaking to you and give the stranger a thankful smile. "Alright, let's go then." He jumps up and walks down the steps, and you follow. You each grab a suitcase and walk back up the steps. "Fuck's sake, what do you have in this thing? Everything you own?" the stranger complains about the weight of the bag but doesn’t seem to struggle with it.

You look back and giggle, "Well, that one has half of everything I own. This one has the other half."

"Oh! She speaks!" the stranger exclaims over-dramatically. "I was beginning to think you were mute!"

You smile sheepishly and explain. "No, I'm not mute. I've just had a long flight in and am having a shitty day. You're the first person I've encountered since I got on the plane in New York that hasn't been absolutely dreadful from the start." You pause, waiting at the door for the stranger to make it up the last few steps. "Thank you so much for the help."

"Not a problem, doll," the stranger replies, looking quixotically into your eyes. "You're not from here."

You laugh, "What gave it away?"

"Your hair," the stranger replies sarcastically. "No one in the entire United Kingdom has hair like that." You both laugh. "I'm Freddie," the stranger says as he extends his hand. "I live here with my two friends. Well, they live there. I'm just staying with them until I get a place of my own. So I suppose I do live here, just temporarily."

"Y/N," you answer as you shake his hand. "I'm Y/N. It's nice to meet you, Freddie." 

Freddie helps you carry your suitcases into the flat, taking the opportunity to glance around the inside. "We were wondering why this place was locked up with no one living inside, but it looks like someone does?" He noticed the place was fully furnished, only all of it was covered by sheets.

"Yeah, this was my grandma's place." Your voice trails off as you look around reflectively. "I haven't been here since she passed away." You take a deep breath, snapping yourself out of the sentimental journey you were about to embark on. There was plenty of time to do that, and you knew you would, but you wanted to be alone when it began. Freddie had already seen you crying and looking like a drowned rat and you didn't want to overwhelm him with any more of your emotions. "I spent a lot of summers here with Grams. Millions of good memories here." Your voice trails off again. This was the only place you ever felt comfortable. Happy. Welcomed. Safe.

"Well if you need any help getting settled in or cleaning up, I'm right next door. Two other guys there, too, who I'm sure would be happy to help if you need us," Freddie offers.

Freddie seems to be genuine in his kindness, and you appreciate it. Most of the time when guys were nice to you for no reason it was because they only had intentions of getting you into bed. But there was just something about Freddie that didn't make you feel uncomfortable or like a piece of meat he wanted to gnaw into. "Thank you, Freddie. You're really kind to offer, but..." 

"No, no," he stops you as he holds up a hand. "No 'buts.' If you need help, ask for it. We don't need you sitting on the steps in the rain crying again. It makes the neighborhood aesthetic ugly." Freddie chuckles and turns to head to the door. "And before you get offended I did not say that you're ugly," he yells back. You smile, relieved that you have at least one nice person in your orbit.  

He waves and walks out the door, leaving you there, feeling optimistic for the first time in months, feeling that finally everything was going to be okay. 

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

"We have a new neighbor!" Freddie proclaimed as he walked inside the flat, seeing his two roommates sitting in the living room. "She just arrived."

"She??" one of the roommates asked excitedly.  

Freddie rolled his eyes and chuffs, "Yes, Roger. She. And she's sweet and adorable and I will not allow you to corrupt her." Noticing his friend sinking into the sofa looking somewhat defeated, Freddie explained further. "She flew in from America this morning. She's tired." He walked over and took a seat in the chair and continued. "Her name is Y/N. That was her grandmother's place next door."

"Oh, yeah?" Brian, the other roommate piped up. "I was wondering if anyone was ever going to live in there."

Roger started to laugh. "Yeah, we were hoping it would be you, Fred, to get you off our sofa."  The three of them get along fantastically, and the truth is that they wouldn't know how to handle it if one would have moved out. They are polar opposites, personality-wise, and even interest-wise, but what bonded them together was their love for music.

"Well now that you've found us an adorable neighbor, think you can find us a bass player, Fred?" Brian asked in a frustrated tone. "I saw Bogie today and he told me he was quitting the band to go with some other blokes." 

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

You walk out of the bedroom with your hair pulled up, wearing an old, ragged t-shirt, blue jeans and a worn-out pair of sneakers. You know that if you take a nap like you desperately want to you would lose all motivation to at least get started with the cleanup. You stand in the living room and try to decide which area you would tackle first. You start to remove the sheets and drop cloths that cover the furniture, making sure not to disturb the dust that had been collecting over the years. After everything is uncovered, you sit on the sofa and smile to yourself. “Home. I'm finally home.”

This room feels cluttered. You look over to the old apothecary cabinet that is against a window on the back wall and think if you move it somewhere else it would feel more open. You try, but it’s heavier than it looks. After struggling to get it to the back of the room, you realize it won’t fit against the wall under the huge mirror that is hanging there. Frustrated, more at yourself for not planning it out better, you start to yell. "Dammit!" Your voice echoes throughout the room and over to the other side of the wall. After yelling out every possible word you could think of that fit the moment, you turn on your heels, face the rest of the room, and realize how loud it is in there without the rugs down. "Where are the rugs?" you yell. "This room needs fucking rugs!" You start walking around the room as if your heavy pacing will make rugs miraculously appear when you hear a knock on the door. 

Still in your fit of anger, you fling open the door, exasperated. "I told you to come get me if you needed help, dear." Freddie says, standing there, somewhat taken aback by the look of utter frustration on your face. "What's going on over here?"

"I can't put the fucking cabinet against the wall and I can't find the fucking rugs and..."

He grabs your shoulders and starts shaking you, trying to calm you down. "Why are you doing this today? You should be resting," Freddie says in an almost paternalistic tone. "Show me what you're trying to do." He nudges you inside, following you to the middle of the room. "Well, love, that won't fit..."

You snap. "I know it won't fit. I know that now." You gaze angrily at the mirror on the wall. "And I can't move the mirror because I'm too short." You sigh, realizing that Freddie is the last person you should be taking your anger out on. "I'm sorry for being bitchy. I'm just so tired."

He smiles at you reassuringly and puts his hands on your shoulders and stares into your eyes trying to calm you down. "I know you're tired. Wait here and I'll get some help, alright?" You nod, and Freddie walks out the door, leaving it open so he doesn’t have to bother you again. 

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

"Alright, you two, I need someone tall and strong to come help our damsel in distress," Freddie called out as he walked back into his flat.

Roger quickly stood up, ready to spring into action, before Brian pushed him back down. "He said ' _tall_ ,' Rog ," Brian joke s . At over six feet tall, Brian didn't exactly tower over Roger and Freddie, but he never wasted a chance to let them know that he was taller than them. 

"He also said ' _strong_ ,' Bri," Roger sarcastically replie d. 

"Cut it out," Freddie interrupted. "I need at least one of you to come help." Both walked eagerly to the door, anxious to meet their new neighbor. "And Roger? I'm warning you now. Do not..."

Roger rolled his eyes. "I know, I know. 'Do not corrupt her.' I know." He smirked mischievously and walked out the door. Freddie turned to Brian.

"I'm not going to corrupt her either, Fred,” Brian joked. 

"You couldn't corrupt a virgin, Brian. I'm not worried about you." Brian raised an eyebrow and followed Freddie out the door. 

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

You’re standing off to the side of the living room with your back facing the door as the three of them walk in. You’re so deep in thought you didn't even hear their footsteps, trying to picture what the room would look like if you move some of the other furniture around. Your thoughts are interrupted by Freddie's voice. "I'm back and I've brought in the reinforcements."

Startled, you turn around, only to be startled once more, hoping desperately that you aren’t showing it, and politely smile at the two new visitors.

"Hi, I'm Roger," the blonde-haired one says as he moved in closer, hand extended. His eyes catch you completely off guard. They’re so blue – the bluest eyes you had ever seen.

"Oceans," you say out loud, feeling yourself turning red with embarrassment once you realize that didn't stay in your head. "I'm sorry," you try to recover, squinting your eyes and shaking your head. "Your eyes. They remind me of the Caribbean ocean, that's all. I've never seen eyes that color." You smile and shake his hand. "I'm Y/N. Nice to meet you."

Freddie quickly grabs your shoulders and directs your attention elsewhere. "This is my other roommate," glaring at Roger as if to tell him to stop thinking whatever he was thinking.

"Brian," the tall, curly haired one says with a smile. "I'm Brian. Nice to meet you, Y/N." He hold out his hand, which you happily shake and smile back. You don’t have to say anything. He knows the pleasantness he’s feeling while he’s touching your hand is reciprocated. Your shared gaze, handshake and smile lingers, not going unnoticed by the other two people in the room.

Freddie clears his throat, interrupting the shared trance between you and Brian. "So... shall we do this?" He walks over to the cabinet. "Brian, you're tall. Grab that mirror. Roger, help me push this thing over there." You stand back, watching the three of them get the cabinet saga resolved almost instantly. When they’re finished, they step back, admiring their work as if they had just finished building the Eiffel Tower. You can’t help but giggle. They all turn to face you when they hear.

"I'm sorry. It's just that you guys are so proud and..." You stop. You don’t want them to think you were making fun of them or that you’re unappreciative of the help. "It's just..." you stumble over your words and sigh. "Thank you. Really. I'd offer dinner or drinks, but I have nothing to give."

They all smile, no offense taken. Roger is the first to pipe up, completely amused and mystified by your voice. "I don't need a drink or food. Just keep talking to me. Your accent is..."

"Adorable." Everyone turns their eyes to Brian. He stands there, hand rubbing on the back of his neck, clearly embarrassed that he blurted that out. "Well, it is," he says, shrugging his shoulders. "Never heard an accent like yours. It's... adorable." You blush.

"It's sexy as hell," piped up Freddie. You scowl at him. "What? It is! You will melt a million hearts with that voice of yours. It's exotic around here." Roger and Brian nod in agreement while you blush even more. Freddie pinches your cheek and gives a wink as he tells you, "Get used to the attention, babe. You're gorgeous." He walks toward the door and beckons everyone to follow him. "Come, now. Let’s go home. You come too, Y/N. We have food and beer." The three of you follow, doing as you were told.

The guys have so many questions for you, naturally, as you do for them, and you feel surprisingly comfortable sharing a bit your story with them as all of you sip your bottles of beer and eat the sandwiches the guys were kind enough to supply. You learn how they met each other, and of their band. You find out about Roger's schooling for dentistry and Brian's work in astronomy. It was confirmed, just as you had guessed, that Freddie was the artistic one in the group. You give them very minimal details about your life, not wanting to scare them off. You do tell them about when you were 16 and left home to join the hippies out in San Francisco, which they find amusing. They wonder how you got here, so you explain that this place was your grandmother’s, and now it’s yours since both of your parents had passed away.

"So you're a spoiled little rich girl who decided to move to London and spend daddy’s money," Roger blurts out after taking a drag of his cigarette,  not angrily or being mean. He’s joking, but you don’t find it funny, at all. Freddie slaps the back of Roger's head. "What? I'm just joking! Y/N, come on, I'm sorry. I was just joking." You aren’t hearing any of it. You’re tired anyway and don’t have the energy to put up a fight.

You stand up, grab your empty bottle and walk to the door. "I'm calling it a day, guys. Thanks for the help, food and beer." Brian glares at Roger as he stands up to follow you. Freddie starts whispering something to Roger that you can’t make out, but you don’t care.

"Hey. Y/N. Wait..." Brian calls out. You stop at the door, turn around and meet Brian's hazel eyes yours. "He can be a jerk, don't get me wrong, but really, he was joking. Don't let him get to you, okay?"

"I'm fine. Really. I'm just tired, probably cranky and being over sensitive. I've had to deal with so many emotions today I don't think there are any left for me to feel. Happy, sad, scared, excited, angry, puce..."

Brian chuckles. "Puce? Is that what you said?"

"Yeah. Puce." You try your best to explain the emotion you’ve always called _puce_ . "I don't know what else to call it. It's that feeling of excitement, but you're still sad, and scared, not thrilled but terrified, you know? You don't know whether you want to laugh or cry or punch someone. It's a terrible feeling. I didn't know a word for it, so I thought of the most terrible color I could think of and, well, I can't think of a color worse than puce." 

Brian looks down at you with an amused grin. He is intrigued, to say the least, and he’s finding himself completely spellbound, needing to know more about you. The physical attraction was apparent. He was studying your every feature while you were all talking, from the natural highlights in your hair down to the way your feet turn slightly inward when you sat down. The way you talk fast and get overly detailed when you’re trying to explain something. He found the little quirks he picked up on to be charming: the way you talk with your hands; the way you nibble on your fingernails when you’re listening intently; the way you fidget with your rings. He couldn't help but wonder how many other quirks you had. 

"Well, Y/N, I hope tomorrow you feel like a prettier color." You softly smile and walked out, closing the door behind you.

He turned around to rejoin the guys, only to see Freddie and Roger smirking at him, as if they could read the thoughts that were swirling in his mind. "Come on, Bri. You'll see her tomorrow," Freddie assured him. "Let's so see whose playing at the club. Maybe we'll find new bass player."


	2. Yellow

The knocking on the door startles you from your sleep. You grunt as you roll over to check the clock. _“2:00? Holy shit!”_

Last night was a mess. A fun mess, but a mess. Freddie had come over and the two of you spent hours drinking whatever alcohol you could find, dancing along to music on the radio and making your own dialogue to go along with the terrible old movies the two of you found on television. It probably wasn't the way a typical 25 and 23-year-old would spend their evening, but you had a great time doing it. You had slowly come out of the shell you built up around yourself, and Freddie couldn't have been more pleased.

A month had passed since you moved in. You had seen Freddie almost constantly since that first day. You were extremely grateful for his friendship. He helped you unpack, rearrange some things, get rid of a lot of unnecessary things, do some shopping, and he was always there good for a talk. You had seen Brian a few times, mostly in passing, since he always seemed so busy and rushing to do something else, but the times the two of you did spend together were enjoyable. He was so soft-spoken and kind, and you couldn't help but be smitten. Freddie said his elusiveness was because he was shy. You had no reason to think otherwise. 

Roger, on the other hand, seemed to be doing his best to avoid you for a week or so, probably ashamed of his “spoiled little rich girl” comment. He'd wave, give you a "hey Y/N" when you'd see each other, chat a little when the others were around, but that was about all. It frustrated you, but he eventually stopped being scared of you and the two of you got along great. You knew he was trouble, and you didn’t want to bring trouble upon yourself anymore. You knew he would be good to have for fun, but were you even looking for “fun”? Or did you want more? 

"I'm coming! Hang on!" you yell out as you throw on a robe to cover up your pajamas and tie your hair up into a ponytail. You opened the door and are surprised, pleasantly, to see your visitor.

"Hey, thought you might be hungry. Did I wake you up?" Roger is standing there in the doorway holding a pizza and some drinks. "I am so sorry! I'll come back!" He starts to turn to leave

"No! No stay. Come in." You move aside so he can pass. "I guess just right there on the coffee table. I only have one chair at the dining table that isn't broken..."

You stand there almost frozen, surprised that he popped in out of the blue, not to mention alone. "Well, come on, then. I'm not going to stand over there and feed it to you." As you sit down to join him on the sofa, he quips, "I don't bite. Not too hard, unless you're into that kind of thing," jokingly, with an over-exaggerated wink.

You jovially slap him on the shoulder. "That's the kind of thing I don't usually let out until after a few drinks.”

He starts the chatter, and keeps it going, which is a good thing because you have no idea what to do with this one. Even though Roger upset you with his comment, you didn't care about that anymore. You knew he wasn't a bad guy. You knew he was trouble, yes. You knew he was one of those guys that couldn't be contained. You could tell instantly. You had experience with people like him. Hell, you were a female version him in your prior life.

He was endearing, and cute, and had the most mesmerizing eyes. As time went on, you didn't even know what he was saying anymore. You lost track of the conversation because you were distracted by you own thoughts, mainly wondering if he was good in bed. _No, no_ , you told yourself. _You’re not that person anymore. Don’t_ _mess_ _things up here because you’ll have to find somewhere else to go._ You snapped back to reality. 

"So, tell me, Y/N," Roger started. "Why are you really here? Not that I don't like that you're here," he grinned, "but there's a part of your story I don't know. You're a mystery." You shift your gaze to the ceiling to get out of the lock his eyes have on yours and take a deep breath. Roger, sensing you are a bit uncomfortable, places a hand gently on your thigh in an attempt reassure you that it’s safe to talk to him. "Are you running away from something?" You look back down from the ceiling, and strongly exhale, looking back at him. "You don't have to answer me. I tend to prod too much and..."

"Life, Roger. That's what I'm running away from." He gives you comforting look, assuring you that you don’t have to keep going. Freddie was the only one you had opened up to, and you felt no reason to keep where you came from hidden anymore. "I know it's stupid to run away from problems, but sometimes the problems become too much, you know?" He shakes his head, understanding everything you are saying. "Not everyone has the luxury to be able to run away, but I do, so I did. Spoiled little rich girl, you know." Roger opens his mouth to say something, but you stop him. "You weren't wrong. When you made that comment? You weren't wrong. I think that's why it upset me like it did." You sigh deeply, resting your elbows on your knees and holding your chin in your hands. "I've never wanted for any material thing. I had all of it. Anything I wanted. And experiences kids wish they had? I had them. I've been all over the world. I've seen things and been places people wish their entire lives to see." You turn and face Roger. "But do you know the one thing I never had?"

"Love," Roger quietly replies, in almost a whisper.

"That's right. At least not from the people I needed it from, except for my mom. But she…” You stop short of finishing because you didn’t want to become a blubbering mess.

Roger doesn’t know what to say or do. He can’t believe you just poured your heart out to him like that. No one had ever done that before, probably because he never gave anyone the chance to do so, especially not a beautiful girl like you. And for some unknown reason to him, he, like Freddie, felt the need to protect you. He normally would take complete advantage of a girl who was as vulnerable as you were at this moment, but right now, he didn’t want to. "You're not alone, Y/N. You've got us. We're here."  

You chuckle. "You met me a month ago. This is the first time we _really_ talk. You hardly know me."   

"Oh, come on, it took me 10 minutes to know that you're a great girl." You giggle while rolling your eyes while Roger gently smiles at you, not realizing that he still has his hand resting on your thigh, and the two of you share a look that seems to make time stand still. Thoughts were rolling around in both of your heads: you can’t get the naughty thoughts out of your head; he can’t stop wondering why he hasn’t made a move yet. 

Then, just like Roger interrupted your sleep, the two of you are interrupted by a knock on the door and some shouting.

"Let me in, princess! You're not going to hide away in there forever!" You could pick Freddie's voice out in a crowd, for sure. You walk over to the door and open it, not realizing that you’re still in your pajamas and your hair is completely disheveled. "You look like shit," he greets you. Normally you would be offended, but, well, it’s Freddie.

"You mean you don't love this look? I call it 'trash bin chic.'" You twirl around and pose like an over-exaggerated model. Freddie laughs, pushes you aside and walks in, and when he notices Roger sitting on the sofa, giving him a side eye look. You can tell Freddie isn’t exactly happy with your visitor and you stammer as you walk out of the room. "I... uh... make yourself comfortable. I'm going get some actual clothes on and freshen up." 

After you scurried out, Freddie slowly walked to one of the chairs in the living room, not taking his suspicious eyes off Roger. He wasn’t angry. He knew he had no right to be angry. He just knows Roger's track record and doesn’t want you to become some toy that gets thrown in the basket when Roger gets tired of you.

"Why are you here, Rog?" Freddie raises an eyebrow.

Roger raises an eyebrow in response. "Why are _you_ here, Fred?" 

"I came here to ask her to come with us tonight, _Rog_ ." 

"I came here to... umm..." 

"No, Roger. No!" Freddie stated firmly, and a bit loudly, as if he had any kind of authority over this situation. 

"He brought me pizza, Freddie," you yell from your bedroom after hearing their bickering, startling them both. "Now, what's tonight? I slept all day so now I'm awake. And I don't feel like dealing with the mess in here, so I'm counting on you guys to entertain me." 

Roger grunted and quietly talked to Freddie. "This girl is going to be the end of me, Fred. That accent turns me into a puddle of gelatin." Freddie glares over, visually commanding Roger to stop. "I'm sorry. I can't help it. She's sweet, and gorgeous and that voice..." He bites on his knuckles in some silly attempt to control himself. 

"What are you two whispering about like little girls?" you ask as you walk back in, hair down and flowing, wearing shorts that accentuate your legs and a tight yellow shirt that not only accents your tanned complexion, but shows how well-endowed you are. "What's tonight?" You plop down on the sofa next to Roger and cross your legs. Both guys are completely speechless. "Are we going somewhere?" Your question, again, is met by silence. "I need to get out and do something fun." 

"Where did those legs come from?" Freddie breaks the silence and points at your chest. "And you shouldn't hide those!" 

You squirm and try to direct the discussion back to where you want it. "Tonight. What's tonight?" 

"Sex..." Roger blurts out, much to the shock and horror of Freddie. You, on the other hand, are amused, seeing Roger flustered like he is. He quickly recovers. "Six! The 606! Jazz! Music!" He covers his face with his hands. 

Freddie continues what Roger doesn’t seem to be able to say. "We wanted to mix it up a bit tonight and we're going to The 606." 

"Oh! The jazz club. Yes. I’ve heard of it." You look at the two of them curiously. "You don't seem like the jazz type." 

"What can we say. We're cultured," Roger jokes as he shrugs his shoulders. 

"I'm impressed," you say with a smirking head nod. "Next thing I know we'll be sitting here sipping on Moët and discussing fine art and literature." 

Freddie playfully slaps your leg as he stands up from his seat. "Well, I do love a good Moët, but you'll have to find someone else to discuss books. This one," he points at Roger, "won't do either. Brian can help you with that." 

Your ears perk up when you hear his name. You start fiddling with your rings like you tend to do when you’re nervous and you feel the corners of your mouth start to turn up. "Will he be coming tonight?" 

Freddie shrugs. "He said he will, but he says that a lot and always finds a reason to stay home." A mischievous grin grows across his face. "But if you're coming, I am positive he will be joining us." As he walks to the door to leave he yells out, "Be ready for 6, love! We're going eat first!" and closes the door behind him. 

Roger takes a deep breath. "You really like him, don't you?" 

"Yeah, he's great. He's been such a big help and a really good friend..." 

He stops you. "No, I don't mean Freddie. I mean Brian. He's got your interest." 

"Well… Kind of. I mean, he's just an enigma at this point. We haven't talked too much. He's just..." 

"Mysterious?" 

"Yeah. I feel like I need to know more. I don't know." 

Roger gives you defeated smile. "I completely understand. Brian's a good guy. I can see why you're interested." 

"I'm curious, that's all." You shrug. "I mean, Freddie never hid himself from the second I met him. Neither did you. But..." 

"Yeah, yeah I get it. I get it.” He put his arm on the back of the sofa, behind where you are sitting. “I think that's why I’m curious about you. Because you didn't lay it all out there right away." 

"Like most of the girls you meet, you mean." The tone of your reply let him know that you knew exactly what he was trying to do, with his little defeated act and his moving closer to you.  

Roger’s facial expression changes quickly from defeated to confident. "You know, I could walk out that door, talk to the first girl I see, and by the end of the night she'll be in my bed, if that's what I want. But I couldn't do that with you... You're..." 

"A challenge?" You raise your eyebrow, letting him know that you want to know more. You’re very aware of the bullshit he’s trying to pull on you right now. You know because you used to do the same thing when you wanted to get in a guy’s pants.  

"No, no it's not like that. Not a challenge. You're... you're not someone I want to do that to. I never call those girls like I tell them I will. I get what I want and then I move on. I could never do that to you." 

"And how do I know you're not just telling me this now to...” 

"To make you putty in my hands? Because, I am sitting on this sofa next to you and I haven't made a move yet." He inches closer to you and leans in to whisper, his tone changing from sweet and innocent to firm and matter-of-factly.. "I am so close to you right now I can hear your breathing. I can smell your shampoo." You slowly turn to face him. "You're sitting here, looking like you do, showing off those legs and those tits and I'm not even trying to get you in your bedroom." He gives a pause, searching your face to see if he’s crossing a line. When he sees that you’re biting your bottom lip and giving him a look that screams lust, he continues and plays with a small strand of your hair. "If all I wanted was sex, well, not to brag, but you would be on my lap right now, Y/N." 

You can’t deny oozes sexiness, and the way he said your name sends your stomach into a fluttering mess. You knew this is all part of his game. At this point you really don't care. You’ve gone so long without sex you can’t deny that sitting so close to him and having him want you wasn't turning you on. You feel the tension. It's quite possible you’re the one creating it. But it kind of pissed you off having him think that all he has to do was snap and you'd have sex with him. The old you would do it just to satisfy him, to make him like you more. But you killed that girl the day you arrived in London. You’re also not used to conceding control – and you were determined to make him understand that if anyone in this situation was going to be the user, it was going to be you.  

He moves his face closer to yours and smirks, quite pleased with the cat and mouse game he created, and you smirk back as you continue to bite your bottom lip, because you’re about to turn the tables and assert your control. 

"You think I don't know how this works?" you snarl as you push him away, leaning him back onto the sofa, and turning your body so he knows that you’re one doing the talking from now on. His mouth drops open, shocked that this whole situation is even happening. "Why do you think you're the one who gets to make the call here, hmm?" You touch his lips with a finger. "You're not the one who gets to decide what I want." You slowly run your finger down as your eyes follow the trail, first to his chin, then his neck, before you stop at his chest. "I make my own decisions, Mr. Taylor." Your finger continues its slow journey further down and stops at his stomach. "And if I decide that I want you to have me..." you trace the path down between his thighs. "... then you'll have me." You cup the bulge that’s protruding from his jeans. "If I want this..." you raised your eyes to meet his "... then I'll have it." 

He never allowed himself to submit before, but he lost all control of himself at that moment. He can't move. He can barely even speak. All he can do is look at you, running his eyes up and down your body. "Y/N... You..." 

"Shhh," you whisper as you move your finger back up to his lips. "You don't get to decide, Roger. Remember that." You move your finger away, resting your hand on his chest while leaning in close, your lips almost touching his. "Understand?" 

He slowly nods his head. "Yeah. Yeah, I, uh... I understand." 

"Good boy." You wink as you pat his chest and smirk seductively before standing up in front of him. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go get ready." You turn to walk and start walking towards your bedroom. "And stop looking at my ass," you command. You walk into your bedroom and close the door. 

Roger sat there for a moment, completely baffled as he ran a hand through his hair. He realized that you are not one he can toy with, and he respects the hell out of you for that, but if you weren’t a challenge to him before, you definitely are one now. He laughed to himself as he walked back to his flat, accepting the fact that he may have finally met his match. 

 

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰   

You stood in front of the mirror in your bedroom and held every dress you owned in front of you, none of them good enough for you to wear tonight. The black one was too boring. The red one was fun but you wanted to keep that one for a special occasion. The white one was plain. You kept going through every color, every style, and nothing was working. 

"We leave in 30 minutes! Why are you not dressed?" you hear Freddie yell after he let himself in with the spare key you kept at their place. 

"Probably because you're bothering me!" 

Freddie rolled his eyes and peeked into your bedroom. "What are your options?" You motion for him to come in and you start to narrow your decision down to three dresses. Freddie opens the closet door behind him and grabbed a fur jacket, that was your grandmother’s. He puts it on, dramatically turns to you and says, "Oh, Y/N, you must wear this." 

You laugh as he starts posing, blowing kisses and flipping his hair. You grab your large, white sunglasses from the dresser, run over and put them on his face. Imitating a posh, English accent, you throw your head back and exclaim, with one hand daintily perched on his shoulder, "you look absolutely fabulous, darling!" Keeping the act going, you both peck each other on each cheek. 

"I do, don't I?" Freddie asks as he looks at himself in the mirror. "But enough about me, love. Wear the yellow dress with the flowing sleeves. That color works on you." You pick up the dress and wait for Freddie to leave the room. Instead, he opens the jewelry box sitting on the dresser and starts looking through what’s inside. "Stop piddling around! Get dressed! Don't worry, I'm not going to watch you. I'm too busy snooping through your things." 

You weren't uncomfortable or confused. You knew there was something about Freddie - and you thought you knew what it was - but you didn't want to make any assumptions. You never put too much thought into it because you really didn’t care. He was who he was, and you absolutely adored him. You took off your robe and slipped on the dress, struggling to zip up the back. Freddie started laughing, entertained by your awkward maneuvering and you started to laugh in return. "Well, stop laughing and help me! We leave in 15 minutes!" 

"Ah, what would you do without me?" After he finishes zipping you up, he hooks a gold choker on your neck and spins you around while smiling adoringly. "You'd be a terrible mess. But look at you. A complete vision." 

You smiled and turned to face Freddie, appreciative of everything he's done for you in the past month. You’d have probably broken down and gone back home if he hadn't helped you out. "Why are you being so good to me, Freddie?" you ask. He cocks his head to the side, wondering why you’d even ask such a thing. 

"Oh, sweetie, stop that shit." He guides you to sit on the bed. "I know what it's like to feel alone. I know what it feels like to need a friend." He pulls you to him and you rest your head on his shoulder. "Now you're stuck with me. I'm not easy to get rid of. Just ask the boys. They can't get rid of me either." You chuckle, your head still on his shoulder. He squeezes you with the arm that’s wrapped around you. After a few seconds of silence, he speaks again. "You deserve to be happy, you know." 

You pick up your head, rest your chin on his shoulder, look at him and grin. "Just so you know, Roger wasn't here earlier to try anything.. If he was trying to get me in bed, seduction by pizza is not the way to do it." Freddie pursed his lips, trying hard to keep quiet. "It’s not the first time Roger and I have been alone, you know." Freddie's expression doesn't change. "I'm not falling for those blue eyes." Still, his expression is motionless. "Freddie!" You pull away from his grasp and smack his arm. "I established my rules with him. Don't worry about me. If I wanted him to have me we'd have done it right there on the sofa, or on your sofa, or his bed or my bed or on the bus…" Still, his expression is unchanged. "Freddie..." 

He finally relaxes. "I know. You're a big girl. You make your own decisions. I know." You can tell he’s worried about Roger taking advantage of you. Not that he doesn’t trust your judgment, but he knows how Roger can charm the pants off a nun if he really wants to. "I love Roger like a brother, but he's an asshole to women, and I don't want you getting hurt." 

You put a gentle hand on Freddie’s cheek, letting him know that you appreciate his feeling about the whole thing. "I know his type. I've experienced his type. I used to be his type. Just trust me. There will be no heartbreak. I mean, I know how to have fun with no strings attached..." 

He quickly covers his ears, not wanting to hear another word. "Enough about Don Juan. Let's talk about..." 

"No!" you yell. "We don't have time for that. We have to go." You throw a pillow at him and walk out of the room, grabbing your shoes from the floor and slipping them on as you walk into the living room. He slowly follows you out. "Come on. We're going to be late leaving." He casually leans against the wall, beaming like a proud parent. "You came in here and rushed me, now let's go!" you fuss, amused yet frustrated, and grab your purse. 

"You're gorgeous, babe," Freddie tells you, admiring you like you’re his own work of art as you stick out your tongue at him. "That makes you even more attractive," he chirps sarcastically. “Come on,” he tells you holding out his arm for you to grab and he escorts you to his front door. "As much as I'd like to have you to myself tonight, we have a couple of people we need to pick up first." 

As the two of you walk through the door, you see Roger sitting rather relaxed on the sofa. He clears his throat loudly when he sees you. "You look great, Y/N," he tells you as the two of you share a sneaky smile, remembering the events of a couple of hours ago, neither one of you really knowing what to make of it. 

You start to walk towards Roger before Freddie cuts in. "No, no. No sitting." Freddie demands. "There's no time for that." He pulls your arm and walks you down the hallway. "Brian!" he calls out. "Brian, are you ready?" 

From behind a door, you hear a muffled response. "Nah, Fred, I'm gonna sit this one out. I've too much work to do on this paper." A disappointed look flashes across your face, not unnoticed by Freddie. He holds up a finger, silently telling you to wait and be quiet. 

"Are you sure you don't want to come? Y/N changed her mind and she's getting ready as we speak..." Footsteps suddenly rush to the door and it flings open rather quickly. 

"She's going?" Freddie laughs loudly and looks over to where you’re standing, happy that his sneaky plan seems to have worked. Startled, and a bit embarrassed, Brian grabs the back of his neck and blushes. "He... hey, Y/N," he stutters. "You look... uh..." 

"Beautiful. Stunning. Perfect. Say anything but 'nice,'" Freddie coaches. "'Nice' is so lame, and she looks way better than just nice." 

"Breathtaking." Brian says quietly with a gentle smile. You’re flustered and gaze up into his eyes. "I'll be ready in five minutes." He slips back into his room, not closing the door, leaving you and Freddie standing in the hall. 

Freddie keeps motioning his head and mouths the word "go" to tell you to go into the bedroom with Brian, but you keep slapping his arm while shaking your head and mouthing the word "no." "Stop it!" you whispered, much louder than you intended. Brian pokes his head out of the doorway. 

"Freddie, are you annoying our guest?" Brian asks, causing you and Freddie to freeze as if you were children who were just scolded. "Hey, Y/N? Can you help me with something?" 

"Of course I can.” You turn back to Freddie and give him a toothy grin. He raises up a hand and chuckles while he walks away. 

You walked into Brian's room and look around. He’s standing by his closet, with his back to you, sifting through his clothes. You notice a tall bookcase against one of the walls and his neatly organized desk sitting next to it. There’s a telescope in the corner next to the window. The rest of his room is so perfect it came as a surprise that his bed is unmade. He turns around and notices you looking at his bed. He clasps his hand on the back of his neck, as you notice he tends to do whenever he’s embarrassed. "Excuse the mess. I just haven't had time to fix that. I've been busy with course work..." 

You can't help but laugh. "Your organizational skills are impressive. Inspirational, even. My room looks like a tornado passed through it and you're worried about the bed?" You turn to face him and see him holding two neckties. 

"I'm not sure which one I should wear. I guess I can just keep these pants on. I mean, it's not a formal place, but I was going to wear this..." He tugs at the jacket he just put on. 

You walk closer to get a better look at the ties before looking up at him. The white shirt he’s wearing under the black blazer is buttoned all the way up to the top. "You don't need to wear a tie." You reach up to his collar and unbutton the top two buttons and untuck long chained necklace he’s wearing, brushing his chest gently with you hand while you do it. "There," you say as you pat his chest with one hand and even out his shirt with the other. You fixed his collar over the jacket and grin. "Perfect." 

"I'm useless when it comes to this stuff," he tells you, again, holding the back of his neck as he feels his cheeks start to redden. 

"You're golden," you say with a wink. "Now where are your shoes?" You look around the room, notice a pair sitting in the corner, walk over and bend down to pick them up. "Wear these." You turn around and notice his eyes hurriedly darting up so you, hopefully, won't notice that he noticed the way your dress fit your body like it was a second skin. But you notice and you feel a tingling in your stomach, saying nothing. 

He’s sitting on the bed when he catches you looking at his telescope. "It's not an extraordinary one, but... you can actually see the rings on Saturn through it on a clear night. When he's visible in the sky, that is." 

"Really?" You’re genuinely fascinated. "I've never seen it before." He smiles and nods. You love being outside on a clear night, gazing at the moon and stars.  

"I don't know much about the complexities of space like you do, being how that's what you study, but I can point out constellations like it's no one's business. When I was a kid I’d spend hours outside on the roof learning them." 

"So you know more than just Orion?" He gives you a sarcastic grin. "Everyone can point out Orion," he says with an eye roll. 

"Oh please," you say, pretending to be offended. "Besides, I find Andromeda to be much more interesting." 

"Ah, the beautiful princess." He looks into your eyes. 

"Rescued by Perseus..." you whisper. Before you can finish your thought, you’re interrupted by Freddie who is standing in the doorway. 

"Are we all ready now? Come on. Let's get to it." He claps his hands, causing you and Brian to follow your marching orders. 

"You don't seem to be feeling puce today," Brian tells you while bending down to get closer to your level as you walk to the street. 

Shocked that he even remembers that you tell him, "Nah. Right now I'm feeling a quite yellow." Brian ponders a second, trying to figure out if that has more meaning than the fact that it’s the color of your dress, but he doesn’t want to ask. Not yet, anyway. 


	3. Golden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s dinner time!

You insisted on paying for dinner since you felt like you owed them from rescuing you from madness your first night in London, but the guys didn't want you to. You assumed it was some macho pride thing, so you shoved a wad of money into Freddie's pocket and told him to pretend like he was paying if it made them feel better. You guided them to a small, quiet Italian restaurant you loved and walked in before any of them could stop you.

You were all seated in a circular booth, Brian to your left and Roger to your right. Freddie was quite amused by the unspoken, minor rivalry between Brian and Roger when it came to deciding who would get to sit next to you, so he made sure you ended up in between them, just to see if anything would happen, purely for his own entertainment. He knew what was going on in your head. You vented about it to him many times.

There’s Roger, who you knew you’d have fun with, and you knew without any doubt would help satisfy the need that you didn't even know was pent up inside until your little episode earlier in the day. But then there’s Brian. You know he would bring so much more to your world, but he was just so seemingly unattainable – which made him even more attractive to you.

You convinced yourself that it was nothing more than choosing between the sprint or the marathon. The only thing that you were absolutely certain of was that you had to tread carefully. You’d never been able to forgive yourself if you came in between friends. When you’d talk about this internal conundrum of yours with Freddie, all he would tell you was that it was your decision and that he couldn’t make up your mind for you. He knew who he would rather see you with, and you knew who as well, but it just wasn’t happening, for whatever reason.

You stayed quiet most of the dinner, listening to the three guys talk about the band mostly. You’d smile and laugh and nod along with their conversation, pretending to pay attention to most of it when your mind was preoccupied.

The most you spoke was to nag them about letting you hear them play, and they promised you’d be the first person to hear them as soon as they found their new bass player. You had heard Freddie sing many times. You were completely entranced by his voice and would often ask him to play a song on the piano and sing to you, to which he would happily oblige. You’d hear Brian sometimes singing and playing his guitar from the other side of the apartment wall but wouldn't dare let him know, given how he was easily embarrassed. He had absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about, but you didn't want to risk it.

Your group was interrupted by a tiny redhead who ventured over to the table. She was cute, lightly freckled with green eyes. "Hey, Roger," she screeched when she spoke. You find her voice incredibly annoying, and her personality is way too bubbly for your liking. You, Brian, and Freddie all turn to Roger who is looking quite shocked.

"Oh, hey… you. How are you?" He doesn't remember her name and is struggling to not let it show.

"Are you coming to The Troubadour tonight? A friend's band is playing. I'd love to see you again." She flirtatiously bats her eyes and smiles a flashy smile in his direction, completely ignoring the fact that he is sitting at a table, in the middle of dinner, with three other people. You don't know if you want to shoo the girl away or if you are enjoying watching Roger squirm.

"Oh, well, umm, you see..." He doesn’t know what to say. He’s still trying to remember her name.

You decide right then and there that squirmy Roger was entertaining. You always found it funny when the usually quick-witted guy was left speechless. So, you decide to play your own little game and ask the redhead, "what kind of band are they?"

It seems like she just realized there were more people in the room, and she skittishly answers, "rock and roll, of course. Roger wouldn't enjoy anything else. That's why I'm inviting him."

"We were going to head to The 606 after we finished here..." he hastily states before you cut him off.

"Oh, Roger, we can go there any time. How many chances will we get to hear your friend's band?" You pat him on the shoulder.

"Not _my_ band. My _friend's_ band," she snaps at you.

"That’s what I meant…” You try to explain, but she’s not even paying you attention. Her eyes are fixated on Roger. You look over at Freddie. He knows exactly what’s going on and shrugs with his hands letting you know he’s okay with going. You then look to Brian who had covered mouth to hide his smile as he nods that he’s also okay with going. Then you look at Roger, who has a look of absolute betrayal on his face. You put your right hand on his thigh, underneath the table so no one could see, and give him a gentle squeeze as you look him in the eye. "So, what do you think?"

He gulped, wondering why you’re doing this. "Whatever you want," he answers quietly.

You turn back to face the redhead. "What's your name, sweetie?"

Roger leans into your ear and begs you, “please, Y/N, don’t…” Freddie and Brian try not to make noise when they start to chuckle. You ignore them all.

"I'm Lyla. Nice to meet you....?"

"I’m Y/N. Nice to meet you, Lyla. Have you met these two?" pointing to Freddie and Brian.

"Oh, yes, I met them..."

Roger clears his throat and interrupts. "Yeah, she's met them. Lyla, we're going to finish our dinner and we'll see you later. Alright?"

“Would you like to sit with us, Lyla?” You wave your hand for everyone to scoot over to make room for her at the table. She happily takes a seat next to Brian, her face beaming as she stares at Roger. Freddie keeps looking around and fiddling with his napkin. Brian is doing his best to control his amusement, but failing miserably. You pat Roger on his thigh as you clear your throat.

“So, Lyla, how’s it you know these guys?”

“Well, I met Roger after one of their shows a while back…”

“She’s his biggest fan,” Brian says with a chuckle.

“Yeah, she thinks he’s just _spectacular_ ,” Freddie pipes up, clearly making a joke you aren’t keen to. .

“No, Fred,” Brian corrects him. “ _Impressive_.” He and Freddie are obviously more amused by all of this than you are.

“Alright, alright, I think she gets it.” You look at Roger and he’s still squirming in his seat, silently pleading with you to stop. You, of course, cannot.

You look back to Lyla, who how has her chin resting in her hands, still looking at Roger. “I haven’t experienced Roger’s drumming. Is he _really_ that good?” you ask her.

Roger grits his teeth and leans over to whisper in your ear. “What are you doing? Stop it.”

“Oh, yeah, he’s really good.”

Brian chokes on the water he’s trying to drink. “ _Impressive_.”

“ _Spectacular_ ,” Freddie chimes in.

“Hmm.” You look back at Roger. “Really. That good, huh?” You smirk and this time he smirks back.

“Roger?” Lyla tries to get his attention, completely oblivious to the looks the two of you are sharing. “So, you’re coming tonight?”

“Yeah, yeah…” he replies, never taking his eyes off of you.

Freddie throws his napkin on the table and takes the last sip of his wine. “We’re all done here?”

“I think we are,” you say, still smirking at Roger before you look back at everyone else. “Shall we pay the bill and go?” Everyone agrees.

As you are walking in a group to the next stop of the evening, Roger pulls you back behind the group.

“Impressive, huh? Spectacular?” You joke.

He leans down to talk to you so no one else will hear. “The last time I saw her it took me three days to get rid of her, Y/N.”

“Then I guess she’ll be easy for you to get.” You give him a wink and a nudge on his arm.

“Maybe I don’t want to get her,” he whispers in an aggressive tone.

“Calm down, tiger,” you chuckle. “You need to get someone or you’re going to hurt yourself.” You make sure he follows your eyes down to his crotch so he knows that you notice what’s going on under his pants. You leave him with a smirk, joining Freddie and Brian for the rest of the walk.

 

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰   
"They have a good sound." Freddie nudged Brian as he pointed to the stage. "I wonder if they're serious about all of this, because if they are, they'll need better lyrics." He walked off with a laugh and headed to the bar.

It was the truth. The tunes had a descent vibe but the lyrics were absolutely terrible. Every line made you cringe. The guys seemed to be enjoying the sound and were either not paying attention to the lyrics, with the exception of Freddie, or they were more focused on the sounds and the beats coming through the speakers.

You lean over to Lyla to ask her more about the band. "Do these guys play much?"

"Not really. They just like having fun with it. Gives them something to do with their spare time." She chuckled. "It does help them get laid. Do you know how many girls will do anything to be with a guy in a band?" Lyla winked before she continued. "Especially if he's a drummer."

You give Lyla a blank smile as you watch her start move her body against Roger. "I have a feeling there's a lot of them," you mumble.

Roger didn't seem to mind the attention he was getting. Of course, the amount of alcohol he had consumed up to this point may have caused him to forget all about the annoyance he felt about Lyla earlier at dinner, and the moment the two of you shared earlier.

You quickly turn your attention over to Brian, not wanting to watch the public display going on between the two over to the other side. You watch his head bobbing to the beat, with his mind intently focused on what he was hearing. He must have felt you looking at him, because he looked down to you and a warm smile came across his face. "That bass player needs a better band," he told you, and it was like a lightbulb went on in his head.

"Roger! Come on!" He grabbed Roger by the arm and pulled him away. "We need to find Freddie!" As the two walked over to the bar and started chatting with their friend, Lyla leaned up against you, pouting.

"Is he going to come back?" The stench of whatever she was drinking almost knocked you for a loop.

Rolling your eyes, you give Lyla's head a pat. "Don't worry. You'll get him back." _They_ _better_ _not_ _leave_ _me_ _with_ _this_ _girl_ _for_ _the_ _rest_ _of_ _the_ _night_ , you mumble to yourself.

After the band's set was complete and most of the patrons had left, you were sitting on one of the torn and ratty sofas at the back of the room with Lyla. She was leaning on you, drunk rambling about Roger and how much she hoped he would take her home tonight. Becoming increasingly frustrated, you start staring down Brian and Freddie, hoping they’ll sense your annoyance and leave. They, along with Roger, were in a deep conversation with the band's bass player, and soon they all shook hands with him and turned around to see you and Lyla at the back of the room.

"Up you go. Roger's waiting for you." You didn't know if he really was, but she became his problem once he started handing her shots. You lift a beaming Lyla from the sofa and guide her in the proper direction. "Go on. He's right in front of you."

After seeing the two lovebirds, or whatever they were, reunited, you walk over to Freddie and Brian. "Oh, young love. Isn't it..."

"Disgusting. It's disgusting, Freddie," you pop back. "She's disgusting." The guys laugh hysterically. "Did you ever hear about the time she sucked his dick in the shower? With graphic details?" They cringe. "No? Well I have."

Freddie rubs on the top of your head. "Well what do you know. Princess here is a prude." You knock his arm away.

"No, I am NOT a prude, but if I want to know how it feels to deep throat, I'll do it myself to find out!" Brian took a hard gulp and Freddie howled with laughter.

"Hey, what's so funny? What am I missing out on?" Roger comes stumbling over with Lyla wrapped around the shoulders in his arm.

Freddie tries to answer. "Y/B was just telling us about how..."

"Fuck off, Freddie!" you snap. Brian is standing next to you with his hand grabbing the back of his neck. "Are we leaving or staying here until they kick us out?"

The group assembles to start the walk home as Freddie bids you all a goodbye. "I've got someone to go see. I'll see you all later." He leans over and whispers to you, "it's my friend from the college." He winks and kisses you on the cheek before walking away.

On the walk home, you and Brian walk behind Roger and Lyla, part in order to make sure they didn't fall on their asses, part in order to make sure the two of you could hold a conversation without the other two butting in.

The night air was giving you the chills, and Brian, noticing you started walking with your arms crossed, took off his jacket and draped it around your shoulders. "So, we'll be auditioning that bass player tomorrow afternoon," he tells you as he covers you with the jacket. "He seemed pretty excited. He's seen some of our shows and feels like he could fit right in."

"Oh yeah? That's great! He was really good up there tonight.” You start to bite the left corner of your bottom lip.

Neither one of you know what to talk about. Usually your conversations flowed, but tonight it’s struggling for some reason. You don’t want to blurt out something stupid, so you try staying quiet to see if he would talk, but he doesn’t. You had never been at a loss for words with anyone before, but for some reason, he makes you… _nervous_.

“You know… I hear you playing sometimes." You cringed as the words left your mouth, because the last thing you wanted to to was embarrass him into even more silence.

Brian stutters, "You... you do?"

"Yeah, through the wall.” _Jesus_ , _you_ _sound_ _like_ _a_ _stalker_ , _Y_ / _N_ , you tell yourself. “I can't make out everything, but the things I do hear sound really good."

The smile on his face lets you know that he’s not embarrassed at all. If anything, he’s quite proud of himself. "I could always play you something when we get home… maybe… if you want me to."

"I'd really like that." You wrap your arm in his. You don’t know why you did that, but it felt nice, and he doesn't seem to mind.

After a few minutes, you look up at Brian and tease him, because he’s adorable when he gets embarrassed, and it happens so easily. "So, is this a date now? We had dinner together at a fancy restaurant. We had some drinks. You gave me your jacket and now you're walking me home," you joked. "Yeah, I think this is a date." He freed the hand that was attached to his free arm from his pocket and grabbed the back of his neck while an embarrassed smile came to his face. "Oh, silly, stop that. I'm just picking on you," you say to him as you tap him on his chest.

"Stop what?" he laughs, not realizing what he’s doing.

"You get embarrassed so easy. It's cute,” you say with a nervous giggle.

"I am not embarrassed." He tries to protest, but you know better.

"Yes, you are. You grab the back of your neck every time you get embarrassed."

"Oh, you mean like how you smile and bite the left corner of your bottom lip when you get embarrassed?"

You nudge him and he pretends to stumble. "Yeah, something like that.”

"Home at last!" Roger yells, snapping the two of you out of your haze. "Come on, girl," he commanded Lyla as he slapped her butt. She laughs loudly and runs up the steps.

Brian takes a deep breath as he watched Roger chasing after the redhead. "It's going to be a long, long night."

"Nah. Let's go get your guitar and come play me one of your songs." You jokingly slap Brian on his butt. "Come on, boy." You mimic Lyla's laugh and run up the steps and turn to look at Brian, who’s just standing there, shell-shocked. "Well?" You cross your arms and start tapping one of your feet. "Are you just going to stand there all night?" He shakes his head and laughs before following you.

  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰   
"Can you, uh, come in there with me while..." Brian motioned his head to his door.

You put a hand on his shoulder and act concerned. "Are you scared of Lyla, Brian?"

"Ehh, yeah, a little bit. Last time she was here she sounded... scary.” The two of you laugh hysterically as you walk in the door.

Roger spotted you immediately as you and Brian walked in. "Oh no, no, no, Brian this is my place tonight. You two can go to Y/N's." He ran to push you both back out the door.

"That's where we're going," you inform him. "Brian just needs to get something first." He walks back into the living room, and you follow, while Brian goes to his room.

"Condoms?" Roger drunkingly laughs. "You mean you don't keep a supply in your nightstand?" You rolled your eyes, amused. "What? I'm just asking. For future reference." He gave you his over-exaggerated wink and turned the radio on full volume.

"Goodnight, Roger." You lightly tap his cheek with the palm of your hand before you make your way to Brian's room.

As you walk in, you see Brian at his desk. “Hey, are you ready?”

"Hey, Y/N, I'm sorry. I can't...I can't find the last pages of this..." He’s sitting with head in his hands, clearly frustrated and panicked. He banged his fists loudly against his desk.

You stand behind him, trying to calm him down by rubbing his shoulders. You bend down to his ear and speak calmly. “Hey, it’ll be okay. You can't find what?"

"I'm supposed to turn in what I have written of this paper so far to my supervisor tomorrow and I can't find the last five pages. I had someone type them up for me and I can't find them. I need to turn this in tomorrow morning..." He starts to frantically sift through everything on his desk.

You bend down beside him and grab onto his arm. "Do you have your notes? What you wrote?"

He pushes a notebook to you. "Yeah, it's all in here. But I can't turn this in." He stands up and starts to pace around in a panic.

"Well, you're in luck.” You grab his arm when he passes close to you, getting him to stand still. “I told myself this morning - well, afternoon - when I woke up that I would save two people today. So far, I've saved one, when I prevented Lyla from falling down the stairs at the bar tonight and breaking her neck.” You look over to the clock sitting on his desk. “I see on your clock that it is 11:56pm, so that gives me four minutes to save one more person, and I choose you."

Brian looks at you, confused. "How are you going to save me in four minutes?"

"Well, it'll take longer than four minutes because my typing skills aren't that great, but I have a typewriter, so grab your things and let's go." He grabs his guitar and starts going towards the door. "Oh, and if you don't want to try and sleep with all of this noise, I have an extra bedroom. New bed, clean sheets and everything."

"I could kiss you right now, Y/N." Brian grabs your shoulders and smirks as you bit the left corner of your bottom lip. "You're doing it again." He pinches the end of your nose, causing you crinkle it, and moves away to grab a set of clothes.

_He_ _could_ _have_ _kissed_ _me_ _just_ _then_ _but_ _he_ _pinched_ _my_ _nose_! You roll your eyes as he walked out to the hall before you follow him out.

"You wouldn't happen to have an extra toothbrush, would you?" He points to the bathroom. The shower is on and there’s faint moaning sounds coming from the other side of the door.

"I will give you every toothbrush I have and will go buy you every other toothbrush in the entire London area if you get me away from here right now." He laughs and puts his hand behind your back as the two of you walk over to your place.

  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰   
You keep sneaking occasional glances at Brian while you’re typing. He’s sitting on the sofa with his guitar, playing quietly in an attempt to not distract you, but little did he know you were already very distracted. You couldn't help but stare with adoration. He was so captivating, mainly because he didn't know how handsome he was. The fact that he was sitting there playing these tunes he wrote made you that much more smitten.

"Brian, I can't read this. Can you come see?" He puts his guitar down and walks over to the table. You can read it just fine. You just want him next to you.

He leans over your shoulder. "That says 'spectral.'” He starts to walk away before turning back around and looking at you, scratching his head and grinning from amusement. “You could read ‘trigonometric parallax’ but you couldn’t…” He looks down and you’re doing your lip biting thing again, causing him to chuckle. "How much do you have left?"

"Just this last paragraph and I'll be finished." You don’t look at him. You know if you do you’ll allow the blush you think you’re holding in to simmer to the surface.

He sat on the table next to the typewriter. “I’ll sit here in case you have any more trouble reading the big words.” He stifled his laugh, playfully tapping his fingers on the table.

You’re trying to ignore him, but you can’t. You can feel him watching you. You can feel him smiling. You can’t take it anymore."I'm never going to finish if you keep watching me!” you bark. “It makes me nervous."

“I make you nervous?” he teased.

“No!” He’s got you stumbling for words, which you feel you fully deserve, given how you were doing the same to him earlier in the night. “You’re watching me and it makes me nervous when people watch me when I work.”

He crossed his arms, his face turning serious and his voice getting deeper. "I just want to make sure you're doing a good job. For what I'm paying you, I expect perfection."

"You take me to dinner with horrible table side entertainment. Then you take me to listen to bad music and do some babysitting. Then you walk me home in the cold night air. And now here I am, being forced to work. This is the worst date ever.”

Brian fake pouted with his bottom lip. "Did you not have a good time tonight, Y/N?"

You roll your eyes and go back to your typing. "I expect payment in full as soon as I am finished with this."

"Absolutely.” He nods his head once, arms still crossed in front of him. “In full."

After a few more moments of your typing and his watching your every move, you push your chair back and stand up."Mr. May," you peck at one more key. "I do believe that I am finished." You take the page out of the typewriter, stand up, and do a dramatic bow. "Allow me to present my masterpiece."

"Mmm hmm. Mmm hmm," Brian jokingly emoted as he looked over the page and tapped his finger on his mouth as he paced the floor. "Well, Y/N..." He walked over to you and placed a hand on your shoulder. "I must say, you've done an excellent job."

"Yeah, so where's my payment?" You hold out your hand pretending to be expecting money to be placed in it.

Brian places a hand on top of yours, pushes it down, and uses his other arm to reach behind your back, pulling you close to him. With his free hand, he places his fingers underneath your chin and slowly raises your head. He bends down, putting little space between your lips. "I am a man of little wealth, so may I pay the lady with a meager kiss?"

You gaze deeply into his gorgeous hazel eyes and speak softly. "Surely no kiss from you would meager, sir."

He leans in closer and gives you a soft, sweet, lingering kiss, both of you closing your eyes, soaking in the moment. When you finally separate, with Brian's hand still under your chin, neither can take your eyes off of the other.

"That was nice," he says as you finally open your eyes and see him giving you a seraphic smile.

"Yeah..." You are at a loss for words. Your body feels like it could float away in a light breeze.

And just as quickly as the kiss happened, the moment ended. He cleared his throat and moved his hand from your chin. "I need to get some sleep. I know, I have terrible timing, and there's nothing more I want than to stay up and..."

"I know. I didn't sit here and type all of this for nothing.” _What_ _the_ _hell_ _just_ _happened?_ you ask yourself. “Go. Get sleep. Tomorrow is more important than me." You don’t know whether you want to laugh or cry or both.

"I disagree, but..."

You hold up a hand, cutting him off. "Go to sleep. It's time to end this date."

"I suppose..." He did his little fake pout again and you playfully slap his arm as you walk towards the bedrooms. As you turned to walk into yours, he stops you. "Hey, wait! Don't I get a goodbye kiss before I leave? Since this is officially the end of our date?"

You stood on your tiptoes and he still had to bend down to reach your lips. You exchanged another soft kiss, this one just as sweet as the last. As you moved apart, you both smile.

"Goodnight, Brian," you say softly.

"Goodnight." He paused for a moment. "Oh, Y/N? Still feeling yellow?"

Poking your head out of your door and seeing him standing there, you can only think of one reply. "Golden."

You share one last smile before closing the doors.

 

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰   
You were a bit upset that you didn't wake up early enough to make Brian some breakfast before he left for his classes, but when you walked in the kitchen you saw he had helped himself. Thinking back on the night before, you couldn't help but smile. Not only did Brian come out of his cave, but he kissed you. Twice. And you were still high on the feeling they gave you.

"Where's my favorite girl?" Freddie called out from the living room. "Y/N? Where are youuuuuu?" He made you smile when he barged in unannounced and that's the only reason you didn't regret giving him a key.

"I'm in the kitchen! Do you want some breakfast?" you called out.

Freddie danced his way into the kitchen, humming a happy tune, appearing to feel as giddy as you were. "You have something to tell me?" he prodded. "You're not allowed to keep secrets from me." You give him a puzzled look, trying to figure out what he was talking about, as he stood there with his arms crossed. "Brian's clothes? His guitar? The extra toothbrush in the bathroom? Don't think I didn't pick up on this shit."

You walk over, put your hands on his shoulders, looked him straight in the eyes, and puckered your brows. "Why were you in my bathroom looking at my toothbrushes, Freddie?"

"I was looking for you but shut up,” he nudged you back, “what are Brian's guitar and clothes doing here when he clearly isn't?" He stepped back and gasped. "You fucking tart! He spent the night!" He grabbed you into a big hug before you could even say anything.

"I think you're more excited than you need to be.” You turn your back to Freddie and walk to the other side of the kitchen. “Nothing happened. He slept in the extra room."

"Oh, don't fucking tell me nothing happened. Something happened.” He stands next to you and pinches the tip of your nose. “I can tell. You're glowing."

You push his hand away and do that nose crinkle thing they all find amusing. "Lyla stayed the night with Roger, Brian stayed over here because they're gross and I typed up some stuff he needed for one of his classes. That's all,” you explain as you turn your back to Freddie again. You glance over your shoulder and give him a dimpled smile. "Oh, and he kissed me. Twice."

Freddie couldn't contain his excitement. "Finally! Our Bri finally made a move! I want details."

You recounted the events of the night after he left, not missing a single detail. "... and then he kissed me one more time and we went to bed. That's it." Your face was radiantly beaming. Then you sighed. "Freddie, for the first time in my life, a guy has made me feel like a lady. He didn't want sex. He wanted my company. He was so respectful and sweet..."

"This is so sappy I think I may vomit." He grabbed you into another hug. "But I'm happy that you're happy. Maybe now Brian will stop being such a prat and get rid of Jane.” As soon as the words left his lips he covered his mouth, surprising even himself that those words were spoken.

“What did you just say?” Your expression changed from sheer joy to completely rigid.

His hands are still covering his mouth. “Fuck. Y/N. I’m sorry…”

“Freddie?” You walk over to him and move his hands from his mouth, resisting choking him in the process. “Who is Jane?” You grit your teeth.

“She’s…”

“He has a girlfriend?” He doesn’t answer you. “Freddie?”

“I thought they were done. I haven’t seen her around…” He’s quickly interrupted.

“That’s because we can’t stand her so she stopped coming around.” You turn and see a hungover Roger leaning against the cabinet.

“I’ve been around you three for an entire month and I’m just now hearing about this Jane person?” You walk over to Roger, trying not to yell.

“Fred and I don’t like her so we don’t talk about her much.” He shrugged his shoulders and turned to pour himself a cup of coffee.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You are so upset with the both of them you don’t even want to look at them. You walk out and go sit in the living room.

Roger walks past you. “I’m going back home. Lyla’s in there…” You give him a death stare and he quickly walks out.

Freddie softly steps into the room and sits next to you. “Are you mad at me?”

“No, yes, no, I don’t know! You’ve been pushing me to Brian since…”

Freddie grabs your face in his hands and cuts you off. “Because I see how you look at each other and you can’t tell me there’s nothing there!”

“Well, there was, but I’m not that girl, Freddie” You stand up and walk away from him. “I’m not going to go after someone who is in a relationship. I’m not doing it.”

“I’m so sorry, Princess, I really didn’t know she was still a thing until a couple of days ago and I was hoping it wasn’t true.” You can see in his eyes he meant no harm. You weren’t mad at him. You weren’t mad at anyone. You were upset at the situation. You were also upset with Brian for kissing you last night.

You sit back down next to Freddie on the sofa and laugh. “This is so typical.” He looks at you, confused because he was preparing himself for a meltdown. “Oh well,” you say, nonchalantly. “Plenty of other fish in the sea.”

“That’s right,” he agrees. “Plenty of other turds in the toilet.”

Almost perfectly on cue, Roger walks back in and heads to the kitchen. “I forgot my coffee.”

You look at Freddie who is already looking at you, trying to suss out what’s going on in your brain. “What?” you ask. He shakes his head, resigning to the fact that you probably already have your sights set elsewhere. “Oh hush,” you tell him as Roger walks back in, raising the coffee mug and smiling as he walks out the door.

Freddie gives you a blank stare.

“Come on,” you tell him. “You knew I needed my mind made up for me, and look at that. It happened.”


	4. Red

The next few weeks for everyone were spent getting settled into new normals. The guys had been getting along great with their new bass player, John, who you enjoyed picking on every chance you got because he was so innocent, even more so than you saw Brian as when you first met him. "If you're in the band you have to be subjected to the harassment," Freddie told him at one rehearsal when you were being particularly relentless. "We have to put up with it every day."   
  
You had acquired a new roommate - Freddie. You thought it was pointless for him sleep on Brian and Roger's couch when you had an empty bedroom, so the two of you spent some time cleaning out the extra room that was full of your grandma's old junk to make space for Freddie's things. This new arrangement wasn’t hard to get used to. The four of you were constantly in and out of each other's places anyway. You all had jokingly discussed tearing down the wall that separated the two flats since it would save the time of opening and closing doors. You loved this somewhat strange arrangement you had with the three of them. It wasn't what others would consider normal, but it was the most normal you had ever experienced. They'd go off to their classes or jobs or rehearsals and you would "take care of the homestead" as you put it. The guys called you their domestic goddess. You even bought yourself a few cookbooks to become more domesticated.   
  
Freddie had encouraged you to pick up your sketchbook and pencils again. You always loved to draw, and you were very good at it, but when you left your old life behind, that was one thing you left with it. You didn't even mention your love for art to anyone until Freddie saw some of your old sketches when you were clean out what would become his bedroom. They were mostly drawings of people, all seeming to be deep in thought, all with their own story to tell. He pulled the old book out of a box in the closet and flipped through, growing more and more impressed by every picture. "Who drew these?" he asked, snapping your attention from whatever you were rambling about. He wasn't paying any attention.   
  
"Oh..." you cleared your throat. "I... I did.” You never showed your sketches to anyone except your mom and grandma. They were the only ones who never told you that you were foolish and wasting your time with your talent. "I forgot all about that thing. I can't believe she kept it."   
  
His mouth dropped in amazement. "You? These are fantastic. I didn't know you draw."  
  
You quickly grabbed the book from Freddie and closed it, throwing it nonchalantly back into the box. “I don’t. Not anymore." Once you had your back turned, Freddie took it back out and continued flipping through the pages. "So I'm thinking tonight for dinner I'll just do some chicken." Freddie didn't acknowledge. You waited a couple of seconds. "Is chicken okay with you? Maybe a salad..." You turned and furrowed your brows when you saw him looking at the book again.   
  
"Who are these people, love?" Freddie asked, never taking his eyes away from the pages. "You must have cared about them. You didn't miss a single detail."   
  
Knowing he wouldn’t let it go, you sat behind him, wrapped your arms around his waist and rested your chin on his shoulder and told him about every person on the pages. When he got to the last page, sensing your deep breath you took to regain your composure, Freddie turned his head to look at you and asked, "is this your mum?"   
  
You stared down at the page and smiled. "Yeah, that's Mom." You ran your hand over the picture with adoration. "I miss her."   
"Easy to see where you get your beauty from," Freddie said as he pinched your nose, an annoying habit they all seemed to have picked up that they used to get you to crinkle your nose for their amusement. "You look just like her."   
  
The next week Freddie gifted you with two sketchbooks and a box of drawing pencils. You took his unspoken advice and began drawing again, which is how you would spend most of your days when the guys were off doing their thing. You’d go sit at the parks, mostly, sometimes at pubs or street corner cafes and people watch, choosing your subjects at random. It was therapeutic.   
  
You had only ever gotten caught by a random subject once. You were drawing a man at a pub whose clothing style intrigued you. Flamboyant was an understatement, which is why you found him to be an interesting muse. Freddie would love this guy's style, you thought, which is why you chose him in the first place. He was unashamed of who he was and you couldn't take your eyes off of him. He caught you staring and they agreed that he would let you finish drawing him as long as you paid him in conversation. You sat together for a couple of hours and regaled each other with amusing stories from your pasts. You found out that he was leaving for New York that night, which was upsetting because you just knew that he and Freddie would get along perfectly.   
  
Things with Brian oddly weren’t even weird after finding out he had a girlfriend. The two kisses happened and that was it. It was never discussed. Freddie told you he wasn’t happy in the relationship, and you got the same vibe from Brian, but it, like the kiss, was never discussed. Well, it wasn’t discussed anymore after you let him know in passing that you knew about Jane. The two of you actually got closer. Not romantically – he was already spoken for. But he was spending more time with you, lazing around, watching TV or listening to a new album, depending on what you felt like doing. He would listen to you ramble on about whatever was exciting you that day. You would listen intently to him playing songs that he had written and sometimes just watch him sitting with his notebook, scribbling on the pages with deep concentration. You would show him your drawings and he would encourage you, just as you would encourage him with his music and studies. He would passionately talk about some random astronomical phenomenon and you would listen with immense interest. A few mornings you woke up to find that you both had fallen asleep on the sofa, but that's always as far as it went. You weren’t going to allow any lines to gets crossed and neither was he. But the feelings were there. You couldn’t deny them to yourself – and he couldn’t deny them either – but as long as this Jane person existed in his world, you weren’t going to say a word. You convinced yourself that everything would be fine as long as you at least had him as friend although you could feel your heart literally hurt whenever you were around him.   
  
Then there was Roger, the incorrigible flirt that he was, who never kept himself from making sly comments, which you would return in kind, which made everyone else suspicious of the two of you. Things with him were frustrating. You wanted him. Badly. You knew he wanted you, too. You both would resist as much as possible, not wanting to cause any problems that could possibly arise, but you always gave in to the temptation. You tried so many times to just do it, but there was always a reason it never happened, no matter how close it came to happening. It never failed. The two of you would end up in a hot and heavy situation, and just as things were about to go that one step further, Freddie would come home, or the phone would ring, or Brian would knock on the door… The universe seemed to conspire against you.   
  
Like that one time the two of you were in the kitchen, not exactly having the kind of conversation you’d have with a priest, waiting for the dinner roast to finish in the oven. You were standing at the sink as he walked up behind you, leaned against you with his hands on your hips. You turned around and as soon as he started to lean in for a kiss, the timer went off to let you know the roast was done. At the same time, Freddie, Brian, and John came in waiting to be fed. Or that time the two of you were going back home after seeing a movie. Brian wasn’t supposed to be home. The two of you didn’t even make it past the door before Roger had you pinned against it, ready to take you right there, only to be interrupted by Brian’s keys jingling to come inside. You both scurried to Roger’s room, but Brian barged in, asking about some stupid book he misplaced.   
  
So, yes. Frustrating. While quite a bit of the time you and Roger spend together was working each other up, the two of you did bond over other things. You’d love watching movies – old and new – and swapping books especially. It wasn’t just about the physical attraction. He was a great friend to you who would listen when you needed an ear and hand out advice when you needed it, and you’d reciprocate in kind, but there was no way it would never delve into something serious between the two of you. You were too much alike and he didn’t give you that extra bit of mental stimulation like someone else did.   
  
  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰   
You grab your purse and start to leave for a quick trip to the store when you hear voices coming from the other side. "Thank you for the help. And for the early dinner. I needed that." It was a female's voice. You listened closer, thinking you would have some new ammo for the next time Roger tried to trip you up during some playful argument.   
  
"You don’t have to thank me for that." Your heart fell to your toes. It was Brian this mystery woman was talking to. You slowly opened her door and peeked through the crack. There he was, looking down at this beautiful blonde female with a smile on his face, holding her hand. You took a deep breath and opened the door, not hiding your presence, startling Brian and his mystery friend.   
  
"Hey Brian, is Freddie still over there?" You completely ignored the fact that this other person was there. You tried to convince yourself didn't care anymore because you didn’t want to tread that thin line between the two of you anymore. It was eating you up inside and you needed to talk to the one person who always made you feel better no matter what.   
  
His face lit up when he saw you, just like it always does, and his hand went quickly behind his neck. “Hey, Y/N, yeah, he’s in there.” Your eyes locked in a gaze, you pleading for an explanation and he pleading for forgiveness.   
  
“Y/N, the new neighbor,” the blonde said as she moved in between you and Brian and offered her hand. “Hi, I’m Jane.” The heart that fell to your toes before has now completely left your body and was laying right there on the floor, ready for Brian to stomp on it.   
  
“Oh, yeah, Jane! Hi! Nice to finally meet you!” You hoped you didn’t sound fake, but, really, you couldn’t stand her from the start… because you were jealous as hell. You really hoped she didn’t exist, but she did, and she was standing right in front of you.   
  
“Brian’s told me a lot about you. I feel like I know you already.” She kept talking, and the things she was saying let you know that he really did tell her a lot about you. She was so nice you started to feel terrible about wanting to loathe her so bad. You couldn’t. She was lovely.   
  
“Why don’t you come out with us tonight?” she asked you. I’d love to get to know you more.”   
  
You look up to Brian, who is still standing there with his hand on his neck, not knowing what to even say. “If you want to. We’re going… um…” He was muddling his words, imagining how awkward it would be to spend an evening with the both of you at the same time.  
  
“We’re going to dinner. We’ll decide the rest after that,” Jane told you, deciding to finish Brian’s thought for him. She grabbed your hands and begged you. “Please come with us.” She seemed nice enough. Okay, so she seemed like a wonderful person, but you weren’t sure if it was a show she was putting on or if she genuinely wanted to know you.   
  
“Oh, I don’t know, I…” You were also imagining the potential awkwardness and it made you nauseated.  
  
“Bring someone with you! It’ll be fun.” You really, really wanted to hate her. “I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer.” You just really, really couldn’t hate her, no matter how hard you tried.   
  
You sighed and gave her a defeated smile. “Okay, I’ll go.” She clapped with excitement, which was a bit annoying and over enthusiastic, but it was kind of cute. “Guess I better go get me a date.” You laughed, probably a bit too fake, as you walked into Brian and Roger’s apartment to find Freddie.   
  
"You’re my date tonight, Freddie!" you called out as you walked inside.   
  
Freddie came running from the kitchen. "Slow down, Princess. What?"   
  
Your facial expression told him all he needed to know. You just met Jane. You were trying to be okay with it, but he could tell. You had a look of failure, pure defeat. “We’re going out with Brian and Jane.” You were less than enthusiastic about it, but you resigned yourself to the fact that there was no way you were getting out of it now.   
  
Freddie cringed. “With that cow? I can’t, Princess. Remember? It’s my sister’s birthday and I promised I’d…”  
  
"Ugh!" you cut him off and threw your hands up. You looked over Freddie's shoulder and saw Roger standing there, leaning against the wall. "Roger! Are you doing anything tonight?"   
  
He jokingly puffed out his chest. “I’ll save you. I don’t have any plans. Go get ready, doll.”  
  
You ran up to him, hugged and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you. You’re the best.” When you moved back he was still holding you, his eyes smiling brightly and his mouth pursed into a puckish grin.   
  
“Now, Y/N, we both know you can’t make that claim. Yet,” he said with a wink. You give him a playful slap on his chest and pull away. “I’m going get ready. I’ll come get you when we leave.”  
  
As you turned to make your way home to get dressed, you came face to face with a concerned Freddie. In a soft, calm voice, he asked, "are you okay with this?" He knew how you felt about Brian and he was worried this was going to turn out to be a disaster.   
  
You took a deep breath and answered, calmly. "It’s going to be fine. She seems really nice.”   
  
“She’s not nice. She’s absolutely dreadful. You’ll see. Just... Don’t do anything stupid.” He stopped before he started saying what he really wanted to say. “Have fun, Princess.” He kissed you on the cheek. “I have to go. I’ll be home in the morning. I’m staying at mum and dad’s tonight.”   
  
What the hell did I get myself into? You asked yourself. How are you going to be able to act normal? You knew “normal” wasn’t going to happen.

You hear Roger clear his throat before he sneaks up behind you, grabs you around your waist and nuzzles his face into your neck. “You’ll be all alone? Did I hear that correctly?”   
  
“You did,” you say with a giggle as you wiggle out of his grip. “But you have to finish dinner before you get your dessert.”   
  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰   
You decide on your short, low-cut red dress and high boots for the evening. You tied your hair up loosely, put on your red lipstick and smiled at yourself in the mirror. Perfect. You knew exactly what you were doing when you wore that dress. It never failed you before.

You and Roger were friends. You knew you could wake up next to him the next morning and it wouldn't be weird seeing him later. Hell, he didn't even have to spend the night. It could be your little secret. You didn't care. You just needed attention from someone, and you wanted that person to be someone you could trust for a change. Someone who never lied to you or pretended to be someone else. You had done it with so many other guys without getting emotionally attached, so you knew this would be no problem. And, well, let’s face it: You and Roger were beyond the point of no return.

But, if you were completely honest with yourself, you knew you weren’t wearing that dress just for Roger. You probably weren’t even wearing it for him. You could have worn a potato sack and the two of you would be on the verge again by the end of the night based on your short history. You were upset. You wanted Brian to see what he was missing. You wanted to drive him crazy with desire.   
  
Roger knocked twice on the door and let himself in. "Hey Y/N? Ready for a wonderful night out with this handsome devil standing in your living room?”   
  
"You're a fool, Roger Taylor," you told him as you walked out of your room. When his eyes fell on you, he couldn't help but let out a whistle. You walked closer to him and leaned in close to his ear. "But I wouldn't have you any other way." He pulled you close to him and bent down to kiss you. Instead, you bent down to dodge him.. "No, no. We have people waiting.” He groaned and gave you a pleading look, but you weren’t giving in. “Now, are you gonna show me a good time?"  
  
He sighed, resigning himself to waiting for later, and chuckled. “Let's get this over with." He put his hand at the small of your back and walked with you out the door.   
  
Brian and Jane were sitting outside waiting – her, patiently; him, not so much. Both of their eyes beamed with delight when they saw you and Roger finally come out. It seemed as if Brian had completely forgotten that his girlfriend was sitting right there next to him. “I love that dress, Y/N! Did you get it at Biba?” Jane asked.   
  
“No. Bloomingdales in New York,” you told her, not able to take your eyes off Brian. His eyes, having turned beguiling at this point, followed you back and you, not aware of what you were doing, gave him a flirtatious grin. After making sure he took complete notice of you, you turned your attention to Jane, hoping she didn’t notice this toying that you were doing. “I’m guessing you got yours at…”   
  
“Biba. Yes.” She noticed you and Brian staring at each other, as evidenced in her contrite reply, but she shook it off like a pro and became the nice, bubbly Jane almost immediately.   
  
“We have the prettiest girls in London, don’t we, Bri?” Roger sensed the tension and wanted to snap everyone out of it. He cocked his arm for you to hook yours into it. “Shall we?” he asked you with a smile before giving you a kiss on the cheek.   
  
Brian rushed to your side and leaned down to your ear. “I’m guessing you’re feeling red today?” You glance up at him and smirk.   
  
“Oh, yes. Very red,” you say with a smile.   
  
He gave a big smile and an amused chuff. “One day you’re going to tell me what these colors mean.”   
  
He and Roger opened the car doors for you and Jane respectively, and the four of you headed out on your evening.   
  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰   
Three hours and copious amounts of liquor into your night out, you were feeling fantastic. You felt alive. Roger hadn't left your side all night and made sure you weren’t drinking alone. Jane was also getting a little tipsy, but Brian stayed completely sober. He was the one driving, after all.   
  
The fact that he wasn’t drinking made him very aware how everyone was acting, especially you. The fact that you were drinking, perhaps a bit too much, made you have less restraint in how you were acting. You saw Brian watching you in that red dress. You saw the way his eyes would follow your hand when you’d start to play with your necklace, or the way his eyes would look at your lips when you’d purposely wet them slowly and seductively when he was watching. You saw the hint of jealousy on his face when you were dancing with Roger, and you saw that jealously grow when you and Roger got to the point where you couldn’t keep your hands off of each other. You saw how he would react to every single little thing you would do. You almost felt a tinge of guilt knowing that you were driving him absolutely crazy. Almost.

Jane tried to keep his attention focused on her, but he would give her excuses why he was coming across as distant. “I’ve got classes in the morning that I’m thinking about,” or “I’m thinking about what we’re going to play next band rehearsal,” but the “I need to make sure Y/N doesn’t do anything stupid” line irked her last nerve. “Take me home, Brian,” you heard her tell him in a quite demanding way. You weren’t sure if “home” meant her place or his, but you didn’t care. After Roger assured Brian the two of you could find your way home safely, Brian left with Jane, albeit unwillingly. His eyes watched you, longingly, as he walked out. You saw that, too.   
  
A slow, bluesy song started to play in the background as they walked away, and you started dancing against Roger. "I love this song,” you told him, your words drawn out dramatically. “Dance with me." You grabbed his hands and moved out to the dance floor. He wrapped his arms around your waist, yours wrapped around his neck, and you swayed to the music. You looked up at him, tilted your head and gave him a big smile. "Roger?"

He looked down and smiled back. "Y/N?"   
  
"You're cute." You tapped him on the tip of his nose.   
  
He pretended to be shocked. "Cute? I'm just... cute? Me? I'm offended."   
  
You picked your head up and pulled yourself in as close as you could, bringing his head down to yours, touching your nose to his and stared deep into his eyes. "You're sexy as hell, Roger.” You let out a long, drawn out sigh. “I should have let you fuck my brains out the very first day you wanted to. I felt how hard you got when I had my hand on you..."   
  
He pulled his head back a little bit and his mouth dropped open. "Fucking hell, Y/N. You don't mince your words." He looked down at your pleading eyes. He knew what you wanted, and he wanted it too. He missed too many chances to have you before and there was no way he was going to let another chance pass him by. He leaned down and whispered in your ear. "Do you want to hear a secret?" You shook your head yes and bit your bottom lip. "That day? That wasn't the first day I wanted to fuck your brains out."   
  
The song ended, and you looked at Roger seductively. You broke free from his hold, backed up, and motioned for him to follow you with your finger, and he happily obliged. You walked over to a dark corner of the room, out of the eyesight of everyone else who was around. You leaned against the wall, one foot propped up on the wall behind you, and once again motioned for Roger to come closer. He leaned against the wall with one hand next to your head.   
  
"Tell me about the first time you wanted to fuck my brains out?" You grinned, again nibbling on your lip, running a finger along his shirt collar.   
  
He leaned his face down close to yours. "Well, it was probably a week after you got here. You were walking around in that tight blue tank top with those short shorts. You were driving me mad." He ran the back of his hand down your cheek, pausing when his thumb reached your lips. "You were wearing this red lipstick too." You parted your lips so that your tongue would touch his thumb. "And all I could think about when I would look at you was how much I wanted to see those lips wrapped around my cock." You opened your mouth a little more and took his thumb into your mouth, never taking your eyes off his, before he moved It out.   
  
“Then there was the time you were outside in the back garden, sitting in the sun, wearing that bikini top. You knew I was looking at you,” he recalled. “You kept making sure I got a good view of these,” he reminded you as he rubbed his hand gently on your breasts.   
  
You grabbed the waistband of his pants and pulled him closer to you, his hand coming off the wall and sliding down to your arm. You reached down and grabbed his manhood that was pushing against his pants, making him gasp and go silent, never taking his eyes off of yours. You pushed your body as close to his as you could and looked down at what your hand was resting on. "You remember what I said about this, right?" and smirked as you looked up at him, gently rubbing your hand up and down.   
  
"Oh yeah, I remember." He smirked back. "Do you want it?" You shook your head yes. He moved his hand that was still resting on your breasts up to your neck, making you move your head up to look him directly in the eyes, his voice turning rigid. "No, Y/N. You have to say it."   
  
"I want it."   
  
His hand moved down, passing over your chest, stomach and to your thigh. "How bad do you want it?"   
  
"Very, very bad."   
  
"Hmm, let me see." He moved his hand from your thigh to under your dress, feeling your wet panties. "Mmm, yeah, I'd say you want it very, very bad." He leaned down and kissed you, keeping his hand rubbing you underneath your dress as you kept rubbing against his pants. "But I want to get one thing straight." He moved your panties to the side with his fingers, rubbing them gently around your wet flower. He moved his head to whisper in your ear, which caused your breathing to get heavy in his. "You get to have it..." He nibbled at your ear. "...but I get to say how you get it." He moved to look back into your eyes. "Understand?" You nod and he smirked. "Good girl."   
  
You stopped rubbing on his member, grabbed his hand out from under your dress and moved it away. "So, Roger...?" You straightened your body out, wrapped one arm around his neck and started to run your fingernails across the nape of his neck. "Is today one of those days you wanna fuck my brains out?" You pulled him down for a kiss.   
  
"Mmm hmm" is all he could get out as your tongues encircled and bodies rubbed together.   
  
"Then you better take me home." He kissed you some more. “Now.” He grabbed your hand and you walked as fast as you could out the door.   
  
The two of you made sure to be quiet walking into your flat. If anyone was around, you didn't want them to hear Roger going into your place, and you definitely didn’t want anyone conveniently disturbing what was about to happen. "This is between us, yeah?" Roger asked, not out of shame, but out of respect. He didn't care if the guys knew it when he was having sex with other girls. He didn't care what they thought about the other girls. He cared about what they thought about you, though. After assuring him that Freddie wasn’t home, you unlocked the door.  
  
You walked inside and immediately started tearing off each other's clothes, not wanting to waste a single second of time for anyone to interrupt, leaving a trail from the door to the bedroom, both of you completely naked by the time you reached your destination.   
  
He pushed you back onto the bed, but not before you grab him to fall with you. He starts to kiss you again, his hands roaming feverishly all over your body, your hands grabbing his hair. “Roger,” you say with a scratchy tone. “You better fuck me this time."   
  
“Don’t worry about that,” he replies. “I’m not walking out of here hard...” Your breaths are stuck in your throat as he holds your face, kissing you with more desire than you ever knew could exist. “... and you won’t be able to walk out of here without help.”   
He quickly moved down and dove between your thighs, taking a moment to admire what he was seeing before he started lapping at your wet, heated flesh. “Still so wet,” he whispers as a groan escapes your lips. “So good,” he whispers as you groan again. You grab his hair and press him deeper into you. He thrusts his tongue into you as you groan louder.   
  
“Not yet,” you beg, “not yet…”   
  
“Don’t worry,” he says in between licks. “This is only the first round.” He flattens his tongue against your clit, grinning as he looks up at you as your moaning becomes uncontrollable. He begins to gently suck on you, inserting two fingers in the process. “I’ve been waiting too long for this to go quick.”  
  
“Fuck, Roger!” you cry out. You try to say more, but you can only moan.   
  
He moved his mouth away, but his fingers kept up their pace. “You want this, don’t you?” He asks. You can only nod. He gives you a devilish grin. “Now you know how I feel, being so close and not being able to do anything about it…” You feel your climax approaching and your body tenses up. “How close are you, Y/N?” You try to answer, but only a short whimper comes out. He chuckles deeply. “Mmm hmm…” He brings his voice down to a whisper. “So close…” He lowered his head back down, sucking gently on your clit, grazing it ever so lightly with his teeth.   
  
“Oh my god, Roger!” You arch against him, rolling your hips and grabbing the bedsheets, moaning with pleasure before landing limp on the bed, breathless. He crawls up to you, his body over yours, leaning down for a deep, hard kiss.   
  
You push him over onto his back and straddle him, your core grazing his. He pulls you down into a kiss, his hand grabbing his cock, ready to guide it inside of you. “Not yet,” you scold him as you push his hand away. He lets out an eager groan as you climb off him and make your way down to his dick. Your eyes meet his. “There’s something you said you wanted to see,” to say, as a mischievous grin crosses your mouth before you lower it, your pointed tongue licking the tip, then the entire length, before the heat and wetness of your mouth completely envelopes him.   
  
He notices your red lipstick is smudged but it’s still there, and he watches intently as your red lips surround his rock. He holds a hand on top of your head, guiding it at the speed he wants you to go. His moans and groans getting louder. Before he gets too far, he stops you. “Get up here, Y/N,” he tells you, making you suck hard and pull your mouth away. You move up to straddle him, the mischievous grin never leaving your face. He guides himself to you, his tip just inside. “Are you sure you want this?” he jokes.   
  
“Roger if you don’t stop joking and fu…” you couldn’t finish your sentence before he lowered you down, completely engulfing him in you. You start to rock your hips, hands on his chest to keep your balance, as he helps balance you in this perfect position with his hands on your waist, as you are in complete and total control of everything. He’s grabs hold of your breasts, watching your every move as you continue grinding against him.

You lean forward, your body becoming exhausted. “Finish me,” you tell him, your voice becoming desperate, and weak. He wraps his arms around your back, holding you tightly, as he lifts his hips with a feverous rhythm, pounding into you hard and deep from underneath. “Oh!” you scream. “Yes, Brian, just like that...”   
  
He flips you over, spreads your legs, putting them over his shoulders and increases his speed. His thrusts getting harder, grunts getting louder. “Fuck, Y/N!” He yells out, knowing he can’t go much longer. “Come for me. You know you want to.” And you do. Your entire body shuddered before the two of you collapsed, exhausted and exhilarated, before he laid down next to you.  
  
You covered yourself up with the bed sheet and rolled over on your side, your back to Roger. You just had amazing sex – probably the most amazing you had ever had – with one of the most gorgeous men you’ve ever laid your eyes on, and you felt completely... empty. You were worried that you were doing it again – your therapy, your self-destruction – only this time involving someone you cared about, platonically speaking. He’s going to ignore me after, just like the others, you thought to yourself. He got what he wanted. Why would he stick around? This is all I’m good for anyway.   
  
“Uh, Y/N?” Roger snaps you out of your moment. “Should I…”   
  
You roll back onto your back. “I’m sorry.”   
  
He starts to chuckle. “Sorry for what? That was fantastic.”   
  
“Yeah, it was,” you smile. “It’s just…”   
  
“I know, Y/N. I promise, it won’t be weird.”   
  
You roll over on your side again, this time facing Roger. “Promise?”   
  
He cleared his throat. “Come on. That’s what we wanted.” He nudges your shoulder. You laugh, but your face falls quickly, because you can’t get him out of your head. He climbed out of the bed and walked over to your dresser to grab the ashtray you kept there. “Did you listen to the new Pink Floyd album yet?” he asks as he walks back. You give him a confused look as he lays back down, having lit a cigarette and rested the ashtray on his stomach. “I hear it’s pretty good.”   
  
You sit up, body wrapped in the sheet. “Seriously, Roger? We just had sex and you want to talk about this?” You grab the cigarette out of his hand, take a drag and start to stand up.   
  
“No, stay.” He laughs as he grabs you and pulls you back down when you hand him back his cigarette. He can tell you’re bothered and he was trying to lighten the mood before deciding it was better to comfort you. He knows the way you feel about his friend, and how his friend feels about you. He does feel a tinge of guilt, but, the way he sees it is if Brian was too stupid to act on it, then you both were free to do whatever you want. “This wasn’t wrong, Y/N.”   
  
“No, it definitely was not,” you laugh as you lay back down, resting your head on the pillow with his arm behind your neck. You enjoyed it. It was amazing. And you knew it wasn’t wrong, but it felt wrong.   
  
He pulled your head close to him and held the cigarette to your mouth so you could take another drag. “We’re both adults here..No explanations needed.” He chuckles. “And if you want to use me again I won’t object.”  
  
“So basically, I can use your for sex until I’m tired of you,” you jokingly reply.   
  
“Well…” he laughs before taking a puff. “Nothing wrong with having fun, right?”   
  
“So that’s all this is. Fun.” While fun was nice, you wanted more than just fun. You wanted some sense of stability. An actual relationship. A relationship with someone you could depend on. Someone who cared about you. Someone who would take care of you. Someone to share your hopes and dreams with.   
  
He sighs. “Look, Y/N, you’re great. I love spending time with you. But…” His voice trails off.   
  
“There’s always a ‘but’ thrown in whenever I have these conversations with guys so just spit it out.” But, you think. But I’m looking for stability, but I’m not looking for a relationship, but I’m married… You start to replay in your mind all of the “buts” you’ve been told over the past few years before Roger snaps you out of it.   
  
“What I was going to say,” he started with the same annoyed tone you finished your sentence in, “is that I know this is all you want, and I accept that.”   
  
You lift your head and scoot up so you’re eye to eye with him. “And what if this isn’t all I want? What if I want more?”   
  
“Do you?” He cocks up an eyebrow, not sure what you’re trying to say.   
  
“What if I do? What if I actually want more?” You lay your head back on the pillow. “What if I’m tired of only being good enough for ‘fun’?”  
  
“First, you are much better than just ‘fun’ and any man who makes you think otherwise is an idiot. You’re so much more than that. Don’t ever think you’re not. You deserve to get everything you want. Secondly, I know you want more…” He pauses, not hesitantly because he doesn’t know how to finish his answer, but because he’s trying to make sure you’re going to like what you are told. “… you don’t want it with me, though.” You looked over at him with a puzzled look. He started to comfortingly rub his hand on the top of your head as he let out a hearty laugh. “Come on, Y/N, you said his name.”   
  
Oh shit, you thought to yourself as you remembered. Clearly it wasn’t a big deal since Roger was obviously not offended in the slightest. Deciding not to get too much deeper into the conversation, you joked, “Well this is the worst possible pillow talk isn’t it?” He continued his laughter, especially after noticing how embarrassed you had become. “Right now, I just want to lay here,” you sighed.   
  
He pulls you in tight, resting his head on yours. “If that’s what you want, then that’s what we’ll do.”

 

 


	5. White

Every time he saw you, all Brian could think about was the kisses you shared. He ached for more. He needed more. The attraction was almost intolerable – and he knew it was mutual. To him, you were so much more than just a fun time between the sheets, which is what he thought that’s all Roger saw you as. You were beautiful, funny, smart, caring... in other words, perfect. He thought he was never going to be enough for you because of all you experienced in life. He was boring, he thought, and he thought you needed much more excitement than he felt he could bring, which is why he tried to step back before his emotions got too deep. You didn’t act with him the way you acted with Roger, so he just assumed you wanted to be friends, nothing more. He guarded his heart instead of speaking up.

You didn't know it, but he had seen you sitting outside at the pub down the road from his university that day you were having a pint with the guy who caught you sketching him. From his point of view, you seemed interested in that person, smiling and laughing and doing that thing where you play with your hair and nibble on your nails when you’re really listening to someone when they talk to you. It killed him inside to watch. He remembered the day he met you and you did that with him, and how you did that every time the two of you would have a conversation.

He saw you that day outside of the post office, when you were biting the bottom left corner of your lip when you handed that man a folded piece of paper. He thought you were giving that guy your number when you were writing down the name of a restaurant in New York he thought that guy would like to take his wife to when they visited. You were only biting your lip because it itched. He saw you the day you were standing outside of the bookstore, touching that other guy’s arm, pushing your hair behind your ear while you looked up at him and smiled. He didn’t know you had tripped and dropped your bag and this guy stopped you from falling and picked up the bag for you. All you were doing was telling him thank you.

If he was honest with himself, he would admit that the things you told him about your past escapades nagged at him a little bit. Not that he thought you were a bad person for it – far from it – but knowing that you had that freedom intimidated him. He was intimidated by your experience, and he didn’t think he lived up to this expectation he imagined you had. So when he saw you dolled up and looking more irresistible than he had ever seen tonight for Roger, the way you flirted with Roger, and the way you danced with Roger as he left, he just knew any chance he may have had to create anything with you was gone. He was never going to be enough for you, he thought, so he needed to get you out of his head.

He wandered around the neighborhood, alone for hours after bringing Jane home. He wanted to stay with her, but she wouldn’t let him, because she was angry. She noticed every single time Brian looked at you, and she wished he would look at her the same way. They didn’t fight about it. She kept her thoughts to herself, but she didn’t invite him in, and he didn’t put up an argument. As he walked around, he tried to clear his head of everything relating to you, but he couldn't. He kept remembering the first time he saw you, the first time he heard your voice, the first time he looked into your eyes that looked so broken but had grown over these past months to smile all on their own. He remembered every single little thing he adored about you. Your hair, your perfume, the softness of your skin, the way you snorted when you laughed hard, the way your nose would crinkle when he’d touch it.

When he got home, Freddie was there, which confused him since Freddie had moved out and was supposed to be staying the night at his parents’ house. But then it dawned on him – you and Roger must have been inside, and Freddie didn’t want to disturb. Freddie tried to talk to him, but he just wanted to be alone, left to deal with his sadness by himself. Just as Brian was walking into his room, Roger ran inside, wearing only his pants, and started hurrying to his room. Brian turned around, anger filling his face as he looked at his friend standing in front of him. "What? Done with her already? Didn't even give her enough respect to stay with her until the morning?" he yelled as he got in his face.  
  
"No! I just need to get something..." Roger tried to explain, but Brian wouldn’t let him.

"Oh, so she’s just another one of your conquests?" Brian interrupted. "You’re going to use her for the rest of the night and then..."

"Fuck you, Brian!" Roger yelled, cutting him off and pushing him hard against the wall. "You're the most brilliant person I know but sometimes you're a complete idiot, you know that?"

Freddie heard the commotion and came running over. "What's the problem?"

"The problem is," Brian started, "Roger here decided he conquered all of the women in London except for the one he should have never even thought about, and..."

Freddie rolled his eyes. "Stop being so fucking daft, Bri.”

“What’s daft,” Brian started, “is that you’re standing there completely fine with this, Fred. You know how Roger is.”

“Is it so hard for you to even think that maybe I look at her more than just some quick shag?” Roger yelled.

Brian calmed down his tone, getting quieter with a hint of sarcasm. “Of course you do. Of course.”

“Maybe if you’d stop being such an idiot you would be over there with her right now and not standing here being a complete dick!” Roger yelled before going in his room.

“She’s not yours to protect,” Freddie whispered. Brian glared at him with a look of disbelief, unable to understand why Freddie, of all people, was letting you fall right into Roger’s grasp. “You have your lady, remember? The lady you didn’t tell Y/N about.”

“Well someone has to protect her, Fred,” he whispers back with anger in his tone. “You clearly aren’t doing a good job at it.”

“She’s not mine to protect either,” Freddie pops back, his tone also turning angry. “I can’t stop her from…”

Freddie paused as Roger came walking back out of his room, glaring at Brian. “Just so you know, I don’t think she’s just some conquest. She’s an amazing girl.” He started to walk away before turning back around. “But you know that already, don’t you?” He turned and walked out the door.

Brian leaned back and knocked his head against the wall, sighing. “Let it go,” Freddie told him. “She’ll be okay. And did he just walk out with…?”

“Why are you here?” Brian asked Freddie, interrupting his question, giving him a side eye glare.

“You know, family bickering. Didn’t want to be around them for a minute longer.”

“Ahh,” Brian acknowledged before pointing out that Freddie wasn’t at his own place. “But why are you here?”

“Really? It was loud enough to wake the dead over there,” Freddie said amidst laughter. “No one was over here so I thought I’d be able to get some sleep.”

Brian grunted as he walked to the door. “I’m going to Jane’s. Maybe she’ll let me in,” he mumbled to Freddie. “Don’t break anything.”  
  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

You feel Roger move and you wake up, snuggled up against him. “Good morning, sunshine,” he says once your eyes open, sounding ever so chipper.

“Good morning, indeed,” you reply, with a wide smile, as you nuzzle back into him. “Sleep well?”

“I had no choice. I couldn’t do anything but sleep well.” He squeezes you into a tight hug before reaching over to grab his cigarettes. “Before we start the day, I need to warn you. Last night when I went home to get your book I ran into Freddie and Brian.”

You cover your face with your hand, not sure how you’re going to handle this one. “Ugh… so they know?” You were more worried about having to deal with Freddie. You didn’t know how he was going to react to this, especially given how he’s been trying to keep you from becoming too involved with Roger. He meant well, and you understood that.

“Well, Brian had an idea, but I didn’t say anything. For all they know we were just in here talking,” he tried to calm your nerves.

You started laughing. “You went in there with just your pants on. How many times have we hung around talking and you just took your shirt off? And what was Freddie even doing there?”

“Hey!” He feigned surprise. “We were absolutely in here talking.” He pointed to your copy of “On the Road” sitting on the nightstand. You had to laugh. You had never gone from sex to an actual cerebral conversation without clothes on before last night when the two of you started talking about Jack Kerouac. You actually forgot about the lack of clothing between the two of you. “I’m going to need a new book, by the way.”

“Honey, I’m home!” you hear Freddie yell from outside your room. “I know you’re in there!”

You and Roger both cringe. You sit up and wrap yourself in the sheet, leaving Roger laying there, completely naked. “Where are you going?” he asks as he pulls you back down to the bed.

“If I don’t go out there now, he’s going to try to make himself something to eat and that would just be a complete disaster.” You stand up from the bed and gawk at him lying there, not even trying to cover himself up. As you’re opening your mouth to make a comment, you hear yelling coming from the kitchen.

“I can’t even boil water! How the hell am I supposed to toast bread without burning everything down?”

“Go,” Roger tells you with a laugh. Before you walk out the door, he stops you. “Umm, Y/N? Aren’t you going to get dressed first?”

“You don’t understand. There’s no time for that. I have to stop him.” You’re cracking up laughing. “I’ll be back.”

“Oh good, you’re awake,” Freddie starts in a rather derisive manner. “Anything interesting happen last night?” he asks, even though he already knows the answer. He turns around and sees you wrapped in the sheet. “If you need to get dressed, your clothes are still thrown all over out there,” he says with a cheeky smirk as he points out into the other room.

You accept the fact that you won’t wiggle your way out of this one, so you don’t even try to put up a fight, instead deciding to ignore the whole comment. “How was your night?”

“Oh, it was terrible. I had to leave because of the fussing. I slept next door.” He quickly changed the subject. “So, where’s our Roger? Still sleeping? Exhausted?” Freddie starts teasing. “You didn’t fuck him to death, did you?”

“What’s for breakfast?” You turn and see Roger standing in the doorway, leaning against the wall, wearing only his pants, hair all a mess, with a big smile on his face.

“I knew it. I fucking knew it,” Freddie flippantly comments. “Look at you two.”

“I’m going home,” Roger mumbles in your ear. He’s not sure if Freddie is angry or indifferent, but he doesn’t want to stick around to find out. “You can handle this?” You nod and Roger quickly leaves.

“And I’m going put some clothes on,” you tell Freddie. “Do not touch anything. I’ll be right back.”

“Wait! Y/N!” Freddie grabs you before you walk out. The look on his face is full of concern. You can tell it has to do with more than just Roger, but you don’t want to hear it.

You put a finger up to his lips, telling him to be quiet. “We were drunk, and it happened. Can’t change anything.” You hope that is enough reassurance for him, but he still has more to say. You keep your finger where it is. “We spent most of the night discussing books, Freddie.”

You moved your finger from his lips, but not until he relaxed. He still couldn’t help but blurt out, “Brian knows.”

You knew he did. There was no way he didn’t know. He saw how you were acting last night, and he saw Roger go home then leave again. Of course Brian knows. “What difference does it make? I’m sure he had his time with Jane last night.”

“He didn’t. He was home,” Freddie corrected you. “He did go back over there after Roger left but he didn’t stay. He came back not too long after.”

“Oh well,” you said in an uncaring tone, mainly because you were trying to convince yourself that you didn’t care, but you did.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰  
(A/N: Pretend you’re a time traveler – we’ve just moved forward a few weeks!)  
Freddie looks over to you and watches you cry as you’re staring at the television. He wants to laugh, but he knows it’ll just interrupt your trance and he’s enjoying the show. You start to feel around you on the sofa, trying to find your napkin to wipe your eyes, but you’re too interested in the movie to pay attention to what you’re doing. That is, until you start to feel the food from the bowl you’re holding start to dribble on your lap. “Shit!” you yell, quickly standing up to clean up the mess.

Freddie is in hysterics, eyes tearing up from laughing so hard. “You numpty,” is all he can get out as he runs into the kitchen to grab a towel. You can’t help but start laughing, too. “You were so involved I couldn’t stop you,” he said through tearful laughter. “It was like you were standing right there in the movie,” he paused to catch his breath, “and I couldn’t ruin it for you.”

“It’s a great movie!” you yell at Freddie while throwing the towel at him as you sit back down on the sofa. You sigh. “Oh, to be loved like that…” your voice drifts off. You never thought of yourself as someone who longed for romance, but lately you’ve found yourself craving it. Needing it.

Freddie is still laughing. “You’re such a soppy mess. This movie is shit.”

“Do not ever blaspheme ‘Dr. Zhivago’ ever again!” you jokingly fuss. You sigh again, your mind wandering off into fantasyland. “Love like that doesn’t exist. No one could possibly ever love someone that deeply.”

“Well, I know that I would never, ever cross Siberia for anyone,” Freddie joked.

You roll your eyes. “Clearly you aren’t even paying attention to the movie. Yuri didn’t cross Siberia for Lara. He found her again after he crossed Siberia.”

“You take this too seriously. I can’t pay attention to the movie because it’s dreadful.” He looks over at you and sees you staring at the television again.

“He would have crossed Siberia for her though… That’s the kind of love I want.” Your eyes start to fill up with tears again. You’re not sure if it’s because you’re really into the movie or if it’s because you’re getting emotional because of your own feelings. The only thing you knew is that you could always count on Freddie to snap you out of it.

“The kind of love where he will risk having his dick freeze off for you? That kind of defeats the purpose.” The two of you start laughing, you shove him on the arm and lounge back, resting your legs on the sofa. “You’ll get it one day,” Freddie tells you. “But hopefully he’ll still have everything in tact when you do.” He pauses for a few minutes before he brings up the question that has been nagging him for the past few weeks since the night you spent with Roger. “What’s going on with you and Rog?”  
  
You glare at Freddie, wanting to stop this conversation, but you know he’s not going to let it happen. “We hang out and nothing more. We’re friends. That’s all.”

You can tell by the look on Freddie’s face that he started to understand why you were getting emotional about the whole topic of love while watching the movie. Everything was starting to sink in. “Do you think love is immediately felt when you meet the one?” he asked.

“I think it’s possible, but I don’t know for sure.”

He sighs. “I don’t think I’ve ever been in love. I wonder what it feels like.”

“I have,” you tell him. “Twice. If my theory on love is correct.” He turns his body to face you, interested in hearing what you have to say, and you take the hint and continue. “Well, there’s the first love, usually when you’re a kid. You know, that first person who consumed your entire life that you just knew you’d be with forever, only to drift apart or break up over something so silly. It may not have been equal to what you think love is now, but it was. Then there’s the second love. That’s the one that completely breaks you, but it’s also the most important one. That’s the one where you learn how you’re supposed to love and how to be loved. That one is so messed up it causes you to build up the wall that your third love will tear down.”

“And how does that third love feel?” he asks, completely ensnared by your words.

“Oh, that one sneaks up on you. That one is hard to avoid. You know when you find that one because they’re nothing like the image you had drawn in your head about who your perfect person is, but you find yourself completely and unequivocally drawn to every single aspect of their being. Everything they say, everything they do – you’re just in awe of it all. Every time they look at you, you feel that spark. That connection…”

“That jolt,” he adds before giving you a questioning look. “Have you ever felt that?”

You have, but you’ve been spending a lot of time denying it, so you continue to deny it. “No. I haven’t.”

“From what I saw, the second you looked at…” You quickly cut him off.

“Look!” you raised your voice, annoyed and frustrated that everyone – Freddie, Roger and now even John sometimes, kept bringing Brian up to you. “Brian and me? It’s not going to happen. So just stop it, please.”

“You and your attitude going to listen to what I have to say,” Freddie snapped back. “I’m tired of seeing you mope around here like some rain cloud. There is no way you can sit here and tell me that you don’t have feelings for Brian.”

“I don’t, Freddie. I don’t. I did, and now I don’t. That simple. He made me feel like he did, too. But he doesn’t. If he did, Jane wouldn’t be over there right now. But she is. And that’s that.”

“Listen to me, Y/N...” He was leaning over you now, holding your shoulders, trying to get you to hear him out, but you weren’t going to.

“No. That’s that.” You tried to get your point across in your voice. “I appreciate you, and your concern, but I’m okay. I’m happy where I am. Promise.” He’s still holding your shoulders, still leaning over you. “Freddie, if you don’t move, I may have to start kissing you, and I definitely don’t want to add a third person into my comedic tragedy,” you joke, causing him to give a feverish laugh and move away.

He leans in and gives you a quick peck on your nose. “Love you, Princess.”

“Love you, Freddie,” you say as you lean up and give him a quick peck in response.

Roger comes walking in just as Freddie is moving away to go back to the other side of the sofa. “What the hell?” He pretends to be shocked. “Freddie, too, Y/N? Am I not enough?” He comes and sits between you and Freddie, propping your legs up on his lap. “That bitch is over there since her place is being fumigated because of a rat problem. Can you believe that? She should have stayed there so they made sure to get all of the vermin.” He leans back on the sofa, making himself comfortable. “John’s coming over to work on some stuff. Is that okay? If not, I’ll kick Brian and the Rat Queen out.”

“It’s fine. Because if you kick them out, they’ll probably end up over here, and I don’t feel like dealing with it today.”  
  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰  
After lecturing Freddie, Roger and John for not telling you the beer supply was running low, you’re heading out to the store to pick some up. You see Brian sitting at the bottom of the steps outside of the building looking up at the sky and pause. He doesn’t notice you standing there, and you start to turn back because you didn’t know what to say. Things were becoming more and more tense between you and Brian after your night with Roger. You still looked at each other the same, and you still had that little stomach quiver whenever he would appear, but neither one of you knew what to say to each other anymore. As you held the door handle in your hand, you decided that you weren’t going to avoid him. You missed your talks, his corny jokes, his voice… “What’s going on out here?” you ask him, but he didn’t turn to look at you.

“Just waiting for Jane. She went to the shop,” he replied, not taking his eyes off the sky.

“That’s where I’m headed. Roger and John depleted my beer supply.” You sit next to him, hoping he would acknowledge you, but he didn’t. “So, what’s going on up there?” You look up and see it. Andromeda. He finally looks down and diverts his attention to you.

“Just admiring the princess,” he smiles at you like he hasn’t seen you in a long time. It was hard not to get lost in his eyes, like you had done so many times before. Even with just the street lights shining, you can still pick up on the small flecks of gold in them. He was equally as lost in yours. The world completely stopped, as it always did when you were with him, and no words needed to be spoken. Your eyes told each other all that needed to be said. You missed him, as he missed you, and there was nothing that should have been stopping you both from being together.

“Hey, Y/N! How are you?” It was Jane, and her voice immediately snapped the two of you back to reality.

“Hey, Jane. Nice to see you again,” you tell her, trying not to sound annoyed that she interrupted your moment. As she walks over, you try your hardest to smile, which you eventually manage to do as you stand up and head to the store to buy more beer. You know the smile was fake, but you hoped she wouldn’t pick up on it.

Before going inside, Brian called out to you. “Hey, Y/N, is it okay if we come over so I can work with the guys?”

“Of course. It’ll give Jane and I a chance to do that girly bonding I haven’t done since I’ve been here.” Your smile was growing more fake, as was the tone of your voice, but you couldn’t control it.

Brian and Jane started to walk inside before he abruptly turned around. “Just out of curiosity... what color?” he asked.

Feeling the clean slate, there is, of course, only one color you could be feeling right now. “White.”

“White. Okay.” He shook his head with a smile, determined to one day figure these colors out.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰  
Seeing the annoyance on Roger’s face when you walk in with Jane, you decide it’s best to hurry and get her out of the way. “I need a female opinion of a dress I bought today. Can you help?” You grab her hand and walk her into your room.

“Ugh, thank you for taking me out of there,” she said as you closed the door. “I hate sitting around during their little meetings. Her voice is full of annoyance. You’re trying your best not to let her bother you, but you’re starting to understand why Freddie and Roger don’t like her much.

“Oh, it’s not that bad,” you try to convince her as you’re digging through the bags of everything you bought earlier in the day. “Now that they have John the whole sound is coming together. They’re really good.”

“It’s just that, when I’m with Brian, I want to be with Brian, not everyone else,” she explains.

“Well that’s not offensive,” you reply with a lot of sarcasm, but you put on a smile trying to come across like you’re joking.

Her smile fades from her face and she turns serious, almost stoic. “Look, I’m sure you’re a nice person, but I’m going to be honest with you, Y/N. I don’t like you very much.”

You’re relieved. You couldn’t stand putting up this fake façade whenever you were around her, so knowing that she felt like she had to do the same with you brought you an odd comfort. “I think we need to try…”

“Try to get along? I can’t keep up this charade for much longer.” Her facial expression changed from pleasant to hardened quite swiftly.

You match her expression, finally feeling like you didn’t have to hide your true feelings. “Trust me, I would rather you didn’t have to, but it looks like we’re stuck with each other.”

“You mean because of this band thing?” She gives an almost poisonous crow. “It won’t last long. Brian will come to his senses soon.”

“They’re all really serious about this,” you try to convince her. “They’re going record their demos in a few days.”

“Yeah, yeah and when they don’t go any further than playing their little shows for more than 50 people for a while, it’ll be over with. Then Brian will see how silly all of this really is.” She stands up from the bed where she was sitting and walks to your dresser, her back turned to you, and starts fiddling with your things. “He has no future with this and the sooner he realizes it, the better.”

“He’s lucky to have someone as supportive as you.” The sarcasm in your voice can’t be hidden even if you tried.

“I do support him – with his studies. I don’t want to be some band girlfriend. I want to be the girlfriend of a future scientist.” She turns back to face you, holding up your red lace bra, looking at it with a repulsed face. “I wouldn’t expect you to understand.” She then turns her attention to you. “You’re accustomed to this… this wild life. You wouldn’t possibly understand what it’s like to be…” She pauses, her muddled look turning almost vindictive. “Let’s face it, Y/N. You’re not exactly a nice, proper girl.” She tosses your bra back onto the dresser.

You didn’t want to fight with her. Not here, not now. You were never one who enjoyed confrontation, even when someone was trying to provoke you, like Jane was. Instead of biting as she wanted you to, you try to steer the conversation in another direction. “Do you love him, Jane?”

“That’s a stupid question,” she replies, almost offended that you’d dare ask her something like that.

“No, it’s not. It’s a yes or no answer. Do you love him?”

“Why are you asking me that? Are you hoping I say ‘no’ so you can swoop in and take him from me?” She looks at you, quite amused, and gives another one of those cynical chuckles. “You’re not the kind of girl he wants. He wants someone smart, proper, and stable. Not some tart with no direction in life who will just run away when things get a little tough.”

“Excuse me?” You start to seethe with rage inside of you. Not because of what she said. Her opinion of you mattered none. But that last line – she could have only gotten that from things Brian told her, and the fact that he told her about things you shared with him privately hurt you like a quick punch to the gut.

“He told me all about you. How you’re here because you were so unhappy at home. How you made a mess out of your life. How you’re just a mess in general.” She starts to walk closer to you, her tone growing cold. “You may have messed up your life, Y/N, but you’re not going to mess up Brian’s and you’re not going to mess up mine.” She stands next to you. “Leave Brian alone,” she seethes.

“Brian is left alone,” you say back to her, matching her tonality.

“Then why can’t he ever stop talking about you?” She turns around and walks away, the anger in her voice raising. “I know everything about you. I know your favorite song. I know your favorite color. I know your favorite food. I know your favorite fucking constellation.” She walks back over to you and hovers. “Leave. Him. Alone.” She pokes your shoulder, hard.

You slap her hand away. “I am leaving him alone, Jane!” you yell.

“Does it make you feel good?” she asks. “Having two guys pining after you? Is this some part of a sick game? You have Roger. Why do you need to have Brian, too?”

You no longer try to hide your anger. “Maybe if you’d be a little less of a bitch then maybe he could stand to be around you more.”

“Maybe if you were less of a whore you would know when to keep your hands away from where they don’t belong!” she screams at you.

You give an vengeful smirk, lower your voice and get in her face. “And maybe if you’d know how to satisfy him, he would have told me about you instead of trying to hide your existence from me.” Her face falls, completely shocked. “That’s right, Jane. This whore could have had your man from day one. And now? Well, all I need to do is walk out there, say the word, and he’s mine.” You stand up and speak into her ear, your voice turning falsely sweet. “Tell me, Jane. Does he say my name when you’re in bed?” Her eyes start to fill up with tears. You know you’re being brutal, but you don’t care. “Yeah, I bet he does,” you chuckle and walk away.

She’s standing in the middle of the room, crying. You can see that she feels like everything has just been ripped from her body. She glares at you. “You are a terrible person.”

“Maybe I am,” you reply matter-of-factly with a shrug, “but at least I don’t hide it.”

You calmly walk out of the room to where the guys are and dart your eyes straight to Brian. You’re angry with Jane, but most of all, you’re hurt. You feel like he betrayed your trust and that hurt worse than anything right now.

“Get her out of here, Brian.” You try to stay calm, but your anger is seeping through your eyes.

He stands up and walks over to you, his words stuttering. “What… what happened?”

“I want her out. And I want you out.” He doesn’t know how to react. He sees your expression and the words he wanted to say were stuck in his throat. “I fucked up my life so I came running here?” You shove him away from you. “I’m just a fuck up in general? Is that what you said about me?” You’re fuming, and when he tries to get close to you, you shove him away again.

“No… Y/N, no that isn’t…” He’s trying to get you to listen to him, but you walk away.

“Just get out, Brian,” you murmur. “…and take your trash with you.” You walk into your room and slam the door.


	6. Silver

  
The place was a complete disaster area when you woke up the next morning after your argument with Jane. You stepped over empty bottles and other assorted trash to get to the kitchen to make some coffee. You had no idea what the guys got up to after Brian and Jane left and you locked yourself in your room, but clearly it involved a lot of drinking after they quit trying to talk to you. The three of them were passed out, John on the sofa, Freddie in the chair and Roger on the floor. The kitchen was a disaster too, but you didn’t even bother cleaning up. You didn’t care. You just wanted your coffee. And after that night and seeing the state of the flat, you wanted to run away, so that’s what you did, just for the day, of course.   
  
You wandered around the National Gallery, getting lost in the endless collection of art. It was the first time since you arrived in London you had nothing on your mind. You had no worries, no stresses, no one else to worry about – nothing. The colors and intricacies of the paintings brought your mind to another plane, gifting you with serenity. That’s all you wanted, for however long you could have it. You stayed there for hours, completely losing track of time. That day you made a promise to yourself that you would take a day at least once a week to get lost, either figuratively or literally. A new kind of therapy – self-care instead of self-destruction was a lot better.   
  
It’s been a few weeks since you spoke to Brian. You were so upset and hurt you didn’t think you’d ever speak to him again. You’d see him, and he would try to talk to you, but you’d tune him out and walk away. You didn’t want to hear anything he had to say. To make matters worse, he would still bring Jane around your orbit; not that there was much choice. He did live next door to you, of course, but it seemed like she was around even more than she was before the blow up. The only thing that kept you from being angry about her presence was imagining her falling down the stairs.   
  
Brian didn’t realize that he was inadvertently pushing you closer to Roger. Whenever Jane would be around, Roger would come over. Sometimes the night – or day, depending on when she was there – would end with sex, but most of the time it wouldn’t. Things may have started out to be just about sex with the two of you, but it wasn’t like that anymore. He was your safe space now. You’d usually end up cuddled together, giving you a feeling of comfort, which he was always more than happy to provide. It didn’t matter if you were watching television, listening to an album, discussing a book or the weather or anything of unimportance – you’d more than likely end up cuddled together. You enjoyed his company, and he yours, and the connection the two of you had shared started to become stronger. Freddie even had to joke about how wrong he was before. “I always thought that one would be the one to fuck you up,” he told you one afternoon after Roger left the flat. “But apparently, he’s the one that’s good for you.” Perhaps he was right, but you weren’t planning on opening your heart to feeling again, at least not any time soon.   
  
Wanting to do something different today, you decide to visit the planetarium to see the stars – well, the fake stars, but they’ll suffice to help you do one of your favorite things. The show was boring, really. You already knew the constellations, but you stayed anyway, choosing to tune out the sound and pretend you were laying under the real night sky. As soon as you get comfortable, someone starts talking to you.   
  
“Do you see her?” a voice whispers in your ear, startling you until you realized who it was.   
  
You don’t turn around. You don’t need to. You don’t want to, hoping that if you ignore him, he’ll go away. But he won’t. You can hear his breathing. “Yeah, I see her.” You point up to her – Andromeda.   
  
“She looks like she’s had better days,” the voice whispers.   
  
“Yeah,” you reply. “She’s a little dim.”   
  
“It’s a shame, really. She deserves to shine bright.” Brian crawls over the seat next to you, knowing very well his presence is probably unwanted, but he knew you wouldn’t cause a scene in front of everyone who was around. “Hey there,” he greets you, a smile on his face, genuinely happy to see you.   
  
“Are you stalking me, Mr. May?” you somewhat jokingly ask, while raising an eyebrow. You want to ignore him. You want to be mad. You want to never speak to him again, but one look at him changes all of that. You can’t stay mad at him no matter how much you want to.   
  
“Shhhhh!” the woman in front of you fusses. “Go outside if you want to talk!” You and Brian look at each other, make mocking facial expressions behind the woman’s back, and giggle as you walk outside.   
  
“What are you doing here?” you ask, trying to make him think you’re mad with the sound of your voice, but failing miserably.   
  
“I could ask you the same,” he replies, searching your face for any sign of upset, but finding none. He’s nervous. He was fully prepared for you to lash out at him, was even expecting it, or he thought you’d walk away, run away – anything to get away from him.   
  
You sigh, slide down the wall and lean back against it. “I needed to get away.” You close your eyes and take a deep breath, unsure if you should tell him that he’s the reason your brain has been so cloudy these last few weeks.   
  
“Me too.” He takes a seat next to you, not sure if you want to talk, but he wants to set the record straight. “Look, about the other night…”   
  
“Stop,” you cut him off. “It’s not a big deal.” You’re lying. It is a big deal. You trusted him, and you feel like he betrayed you.   
  
“That’s not true.” He starts to chuckle, which irritates you because this isn’t exactly a funny matter. “You’re a terrible liar.”   
  
“I’m not lying,” you try to convince him, and yourself. “It’s really not that big of a deal.” No matter how hard you tried to convince yourself, you didn’t believe it. Neither did he.   
  
“Then why are you doing that thing where you play with your fingernail when you’re not telling the truth?” He smirked and points down to your hand, bringing it to your attention that you’re running your thumbnail between two of your fingers, something you never noticed you did before – but he clearly did.   
  
You raise an eyebrow and stop fidgeting but let the comment you want to make about him paying that much attention to you pass. “It’s no big deal.”   
  
“You’re doing it again. The fingernail thing.” He keeps smirking.   
  
“Jane will have me guillotined if she finds out I’m talking to you right now.” You missed him. You really missed him and sitting here with him at this very moment felt so comfortable, but so wrong.   
  
He starts to look around. “Jane isn’t here. And I’m not going to tell her.” He leans over and pretends to be suspicious with a whisper. “Are you?” You don’t answer, opting instead to give him a look, begging for him to drop it, but he can’t. “I hate this. I want it to go back to how it was before…” His voice trails off.   
  
“It never had to be this way, Brian. But it is.” You start to stand up and walk away, but he pulls you back down.   
  
“Talk to me, please.” You can see in his eyes that he’s sorry for whatever wrong he’s done and that he genuinely doesn’t know what he’s done to make you upset. It’s tearing him up inside.   
  
You can’t let it go anymore. You’re upset, he’s upset and the only way to fix this is to talk to him. “You told Jane about my past, Brian. Really? Things I’ve told you about all of that was in confidence. I’ve told you things I never even told Freddie. If I wanted people to know about the bullshit I’ve done or been through I’d tell them myself.”   
  
“I did not!” His voice is pleading for your forgiveness. “I told her you had it rough, and that you needed to get away from there for your own sake. I never gave her details. She wanted to know how you ended up here and that’s all I’ve ever told her.”   
  
You want to believe him, and part of you does, but you can’t forget what she said. You can’t forget that she told you Brian said you were “a mess,” as she put it. That’s the part of the entire exchange that stood out to you. “She said you told her that I…”   
  
He interrupts, quickly. “I never said a single negative thing about you to her or to anyone for that matter.” He grabs your hand and looks into your eyes, his tone lowering. “I don’t even know anything negative about you.”   
  
_No_ , you told yourself, _don’t_ _get_ _locked_ _in_ _his_ _gaze_. “Just let me know when she’s going to be around so I don’t have to be there, okay?” You pull your hand away, stand up and grab your things. “I’m going home.”   
  
“No, don’t.” He jumps up and stands in front of you, blocking your path. “The weather is nice for a change. Let’s go enjoy it.” He grabs your upper arms, trying to get you to look at him.   
  
“Brian…” You sigh and throw your head back, trying to come across as annoyed, hoping that would get him to leave you alone.   
  
“Come on,” he pleads. “Will you at least walk home with me?” You look at him, completely defeated in this battle, smile a half smile and start walking home.   
  
Everything seemed to be back to normal between the two of you. You made small talk, chatted about random things, had some laughs – just like you always would. Instead of taking the sidewalks, you guided him through a small park area for a change of scenery. The sun was at a perfect angle to give a beautiful, scenic view that you insisted on stopping to sketch out. He sat in amazement, watching you intently take it all in, finding it fascinating how you put every little detail on the paper, taking great care not to miss a single thing. You didn’t realize how close he was sitting to you until he sneezed, causing you to fall out of the zone you were in.   
  
“Bless you,” you giggle. He starts to put his hand to the back of his neck and you hurry and move it down. “Stop that, silly.”   
  
“Sorry. I distracted you.”   
  
“You’re sitting pretty close. Maybe you’re allergic to me.”   
  
“Impossible. You’re the only remedy to my ailment…” His voice went lower as he finished the last word, staring deep into your eyes, wanting so bad to take you into his arms, kiss you, and forget about the world.   
  
You feel yourself getting sucked back in, so you hurry and clear your throat, breaking the trance and turning back to your sketchbook. “I’m almost done, then we can go.” You both pretend that nothing had just happened and stay quiet, him continuing to watch you.   
  
“What are you doing tonight? Anything planned?” he asks, breaking the silence.   
  
“Nope. Nothing going on.” You answer him, but your eyes don’t move from your book.   
  
He adjusts his position, feeling a little bit anxious. “Come with me down to Headley,” he blurts out.   
  
You start laughing. “Why in the world are you going there?” You had been there before and there was no reason you ever wanted to go back. “That is possibly the most boring place on the entire planet.”   
  
“It’s a surprise.” You look over at him and he’s smiling mischievously.   
  
You give a slight grin and look back to your drawing. “I never said I was going,” you tease.   
  
“Come…” he pleads.   
  
You give him a side-eyed glare. “I’m not really keen on being a third-wheel, Brian.”   
  
“You won’t be. Jane isn’t coming. She’s visiting her mum for the week,” he shrugs. He can see in your eyes that you’re considering it. “It’ll be our secret. Come on.”   
  
You give in. You can’t resist him, no matter how hard you try. “This better be a good surprise.”   
  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰   
The car ride was about an hour. It didn't seem that long, not that you cared. You and Brian shared stories, cracked jokes, sang whatever was on the radio – pretty badly, on your part – enjoying every single second. It had been far too long since the two of you hung out together, and you missed it. Brian soon pulled over on the side of the road. There was nothing around but empty fields and the powerful light of the full moon.   
  
“Well, here we are." He flashes you excited smile before rushing out of the car and opening the trunk.   
  
You walk around to see what was going on, unsure of what was going on and why he was so excited about being in the middle of nowhere. "Do you need help?"   
  
He hands you a couple of blankets with a huge smile on his face. "Carry these. I'll get the rest..." he pulls out his telescope. "Come on!” He tilts his head to the side, beckoning you to follow him, which you do somewhat hesitantly.   
  
When you stop walking, you lay out the blankets, take a seat and start watching Brian fiddle around with the telescope. "Ah, there you are," you hear him eventually say, and you start giggling. He realizes he said that out loud and pulled his eye away from the telescope with a shy grin. "Well, come see." He motioned his hands and you crawl over. "Here - look through there." He put his hand on the small of your back as you bend over to look through the telescope.   
  
"Oh my god, Brian, that's... Wow!" It was very small, but there it was. Saturn. "Look at that..." He remembered you telling him you had never seen it.   
  
He moves over to the blanket and lays on his side, propped up on his arm. He watches you as you look through the lens and he can’t help but wonder if you are feeling the exact awe that he was feeling as he looked at you. When you looked up and saw him staring at you, you felt fluttering in your stomach. "Amazing, isn't it?" he asks as you looked back through the lens.   
  
"I can't believe I'm seeing this. Thank you so much for showing me.” After looking for another minute or so, you crawl back on the blanket before laying down to gaze up to the sky. "First you show me Saturn and now I get to do one of my favorite things. You sure do know how to woo a girl,” you teased.   
  
"Only when she deserves it." He lays down next to you, his arm touching yours. “Good thing we came when we did. It’s getting cloudy.” He kept making subtle moves so he could get closer to you, or touch you – anything to try to get your attention off of the sky and on to him, but you were resisting.   
  
You laid there in silence for a long time, neither one of you sure what to talk about, or if you should talk at all. You couldn’t handle the quiet another second longer. “Are you happy with Jane?” you spit out. You don’t know why you asked him. It wasn’t your place to ask him.   
  
He took a deep breath before answering. “Honestly? She’s… comfortable. Does that make sense?” You gave him a questioning look. “She’s not forever, though,” he quickly popped back. “I know she’s not.”   
  
You thought about telling him about how incredibly stupid that reasoning was, in your opinion at least, but decided not to. You didn’t want to cause another argument. Instead, you offered apologies. “I’m sorry if my mouth caused you problems.”   
  
“Absolutely not,” he told you. “You have nothing to apologize for. She shouldn’t have…” He took another deep breath, unsure if he should offer up more information. “She’s intimidated by you.”   
  
“Does she have any reason to be?” It was an innocent enough question, you thought, and, if anything, it would help you better understand where his mind was.   
  
He chuffed. “It’s Friday night and I’m laying here with you and there’s nowhere else I’d rather be and no one else I’d rather be with. You tell me.”   
  
You forget about the stars you were just looking at. You forget about Saturn. You forget about everything. You probably couldn’t even remember your name at this point. The way he was looking at you – he never looked at you like this before. You prop yourself up on your elbows, never taking your eyes off his that are looking at you with such an intensity that it makes your insides burn. You want to pounce, and you can tell he does too. _No_ _one_ _is_ _around_ , you think to yourself. _No_ _one_ _would_ know _except_ _for_ _us_.   
  
… and it starts to rain. _Fucking_ _typical_. You both start to laugh. “Wow, this is almost as good as our first date when you made me work.”   
  
“I tried to make our second date better. I’m sorry.” He’s a bit annoyed, but he can’t help but find the humor in the whole situation.   
  
“No need to apologize,” you tell him. This one is pretty great.”   
  
“Yeah, but what color?” he asks you, still finding your choices both intriguing and humorous.   
  
“Hmm,” you thought for a moment. “Right now? Silver.”

  
  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰   
Out of the blue on the way back home, during an odd moment of quiet, he started talking about Jane. “It’s true. Everything you told her. She is a bitch and I can’t stand to be around her sometimes. She’s not always bad, Y/N, but she has her moments.”   
  
“No. She’s always bad,” you sneer. “You can defend her all you want, but she’s the worst kind of person. All nice and sweet but really a raging bitch. That’s what Jane is.” He didn’t like what you were saying, but he understood why you feel the way you do. “I’m sorry, but she is. She’s horrible.”   
  
He grabs the back of his neck with his hand. He’s embarrassed. Again. And his words start to stumble. “As I said, everything you told her was true.” He looks at you, hoping you understand what he’s trying to say, but you don’t. “Your name. I said your name one time.” He looks over at you, shame all over his face, hoping you understand what he’s saying so he doesn’t have to say more before hurrying to look away. You’re stunned. You said his name, too, that first night with Roger. Part of you wanted to tell him, but you didn’t dare. “That’s why she got so upset with you. She tried to keep it in, but she couldn’t help it. And when you told her what you did, about me saying your name, she thought I had told you about that.” You look at him and see the agony in his face, only you don’t know what he’s exactly agonizing about. You try to speak, but he won’t let you. “No! No talking. I probably shouldn’t have told you.” He sighed. “I’m just not happy with her right now.”   
  
“Then why are you with her?” You want an actual answer, but he’s not giving you one. He’s not saying anything at all. “Right, because she’s comfortable.” You quickly decide to cut the seriousness of the conversation, not wanting to become frustrated and ruin the last few minutes of the ride, so you opt to start picking on him. “You’re afraid of change, aren’t you?”   
  
He shrugs. “I like to have everything in order.”   
  
“You will stay in a relationship just because if you don’t it would change things up a little?”   
  
He rolls his eyes, feeling a bit embarrassed by the topic. “You make me sound so boring.”   
  
“Come on, Brian. Break the monotony,” you try to encourage him, half teasing, half serious. “Do something spontaneous,” you crack.   
  
He decided to start picking back at you. “What, like move to another country?”   
  
“No don’t do that. That’s stupid.” You give him a sarcastic grin.   
  
“Am I really that boring?” His question is genuine.   
  
“You are not boring.” You can tell by the look on his face that he doesn’t believe you. “You’re not! Have you ever had a conversation with yourself? You’re not boring at all.”   
  
He still doesn’t believe you, and he’s obviously in need of some encouragement. “But I act boring. I don’t do… spontaneous things.”   
  
“We went to Headley.”   
  
“That wasn’t spontaneous. That was planned.”   
  
You have to laugh at his meticulousness. “Do you really plan everything?”   
  
You can tell by the look on his face that he’s almost ashamed to answer that and starts to try to hold back a smile. “See? Boring.”   
  
“I wish I had that kind of stability,” you sigh as you lean your head back on the seat.   
  
“From the stories you’ve told me, you’ve had an exciting life so far. For you, stability would be… boring,” he smirks.  
  
“Oh please, Brian, half of the shit I did was so stupid, not exciting. Do you really think it was smart for a 16-year-old girl to leave home with a 25-year-old who took her to San Francisco?” You look at each other for a second before the laughter catches up to you. “See? I need stability.”   
  
“And maybe I need spontaneity.”   
  
He starts to turn the car down the street to go home. “No!” you yell, startling him, which causes you to giggle. “Don’t go home yet.”   
  
He stopped the car in the middle of the street, looking at you with an almost panic-stricken face. “Where am I supposed to go?”   
  
“I don’t know. Be spontaneous!” He can see that you’re serious, but he has absolutely no idea where you want him to go. “Our clothes are dry. Our hair may be a mess but who cares. Be… spontaneous.” You give him an encouraging smile, so he doesn’t continue to the route back to the flat.   
  
You spend the next couple of hours driving around, stopping at random places, grabbing a quick bite to eat, even ducking in to a club to listen to a band play. Everything was going great until he started running into people he knew. “This is my friend, Y/N,” he would introduce you as, which was fine – that’s all you were – until he saw Jane’s roommate. That’s when he introduced you as his “neighbor” who just so happened to be at the same place he was, and you didn’t appreciate that one bit. You understood why, but inside you were getting emotional, wishing that the two of you didn’t have to hide the fact that you were enjoying this night together from anyone.   
  
“Well, it’s nice to meet you,” you tell the roommate, “but I must be going home now.” You stand and glare at Brian. “Guess I’ll see you around, _neighbor_ ,” you told him with a sigh of irritation. You walk out the door and Brian runs after you.   
  
“Y/N! Wait!” he calls out before you stop and turn around waiting for him to catch up. “Where are you going?”   
  
Your brows furrow, wondering why he doesn’t understand what just happened. “I’m going home.” You turned to walk away but he grabbed your arm and pulled you back. “Brian, if you can’t be honest about who I am…”   
  
“I said you’re my friend. What’s dishonest about that?”   
  
“Your neighbor. I’m just your neighbor. After everything, I’m your neighbor who you happened to run into.” You don’t know why it stung when you heard him introduce you like that, but it did, and as you thought about it again, the stinging came back. “If you must hide me, your friend, then maybe…”   
  
“Don’t say it. Do not.” The worry started to grow on his face. “I’m sorry, I just don’t want to cause problems with…”   
  
“With Jane, yeah, I get it,” you whispered as your eyes started to well up. “You’re not the first person who’s afraid to be seen with me.”   
  
He grabs you into a hug, trying to console you, but you don’t hug him back. “I’m not afraid to be seen with you, Y/N.”   
  
You push yourself away and speak through tears. “If you weren’t, then I wouldn’t just be your neighbor.” You wipe your eyes, clear your throat and look back at Brian. “I’ll see you around, Bri.” You flash a small smile and go home.   
  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰   
“Where the hell have you been?” Freddie yells at you when you walk in the door about an hour later, opting to take the long way back home. “I was worried about you!” He ran to you, grabbing you in his arms and picking you up as he hugged you like he hasn’t seen you in years.   
  
“He was about to gather a search team to go look for you,” Roger joked from the sofa.   
  
“I was with Brian,” you told them. Freddie looked relieved, but Roger’s smile fell off his face into a slightly heartbroken expression. “I ran into him at the planetarium earlier today.” You walk to the kitchen and they both follow you. “I thought it was time to end the tension,” you started to explain as you began to make a pot of coffee. “I think everything will be okay now. I’m sorry if any of the crap between Brian and I bothered you.” Your attention fell to Roger who was standing across the room, unsure how to register the look he’s giving you.   
  
Freddie dramatically clears his throat to get your attention, so you turn to face him now that he’s standing next to you. “Well now that you’re home, I’m going to bed.” He grabs your face and gets close. “Don’t do that to me again.” He kisses your nose and goes off to his room. “No funny business in there, you two,” he yells out as he walks away. “And please, keep it down tonight. I’m exhausted!”   
  
You roll your eyes and grin as you turn back look at Roger who still has the same look on his face. You walk over to him and tug on his jacket. “What’s wrong?” you quietly ask, searching his face for any sort of hint as to why he looks so upset.   
  
He rests his arms on your shoulders, his expression not changing. “Nothing,” he whispered. “Did you have a good time?” He tried to sound interested, but you can tell that he’s a tiny bit jealous.   
  
You wrap your arms around his waist and pull yourself into a hug, which he reciprocates, and rest your head on his chest. “I took a ride with him down to Headley to see Saturn. I thought it would give us a chance to talk through everything.” You don’t want to let him go, and you don’t want him to let you go. This hug is exactly what you needed and from exactly who you needed to give it to you. Your body relaxed, releasing a tension you didn’t even know you had. He felt it, and he pulled you in tighter.   
  
“Did you get to see it?” he asked, quietly, feeling his jealousy leave.  
  
“Yeah, I did,” you tell him as you lift your head to rest your chin on his chest so you could look up at him. “It was pretty neat.” You smiled, and he smiled back at you. “And I think things with Brian and I will be better. Not perfect, and not where they were, but better.”   
  
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered as his smile grew bigger, his eyes sparkling as they study every intricate detail of yours. He pushes your hair behind your ears. “I can’t figure you out,” he says quietly before he leans down and gives you a soft, gentle, sweet kiss, unlike any other kiss he’s ever given you while he runs a strand of your hair between his fingers.   
  
“I’m not that complicated, Rog,” you giggle.   
  
“No, you’re not. That’s what I’m trying to figure out.” He leans down and gives you another gentle kiss. “You put it all out there. You never hid who you are, and I’ve never felt like I had to hide who I am with you.” He holds his palm to your cheek. “You make it all so easy.” His smile has never left his face.   
  
“That’s because it is easy, at least when I’m with you,” you whisper, recognizing that the two of you may be feeling a little bit more than just friends. He leans down to kiss you again, but the two of you are interrupted by someone clearing his throat.   
  
“Oh, hey Bri,” Roger greets him. “Heard you two had a fun night.” The two of you separated from each other and tried to act like nothing was going on before you were interrupted. Freddie must have let him in before he went to bed.  
  
Keeping his glaring eyes on you, Brian replies to him, “Yeah. We did. Just wanted to make sure she got home okay.” The look on his face was a mixture of dejection and anger and you can tell by his slurring he’s drunk.   
  
“Coffee’s almost done. Would you like some?” you ask him, trying to break the awkwardness that’s permeating through the air. Brian’s face is turning angrier and you’re starting to get concerned. “Brian? What’s wrong?”   
  
He starts to laugh, confusing you and Roger. “Nothing’s wrong, Y/N,” he says through his laughter. “It’s just amazing how you can go from crying with me earlier to this.” His laughter continues and you’re starting to feel the anger build up inside of you. “How do you do it, Y/N? How do you move on so easily?” He lowers his voice to almost a whisper as his eyes start to glare at you again and his laughter stops. “Must be something you’ve learned with all of those others you… you know. All the guys you’ve had.”   
  
“It’s always easy to forget the assholes,” you say through gritted teeth, not sure if you’re furious or seriously hurt by what he’s saying. He starts to laugh again, harder than before and Roger is moving closer to him, getting inches away before you stop him from getting closer. “Go home, Brian. You’re drunk and don’t mean anything you’re saying.”   
  
“You want me to go home so you can fuck him again,” Brian slurs out as he points to Roger. “You know Rog, the only reason you get to fuck her is because I didn’t…”   
  
“That’s it,” Roger interrupts. “Let’s go home.” He grabs Brian’s arm, but can’t stop Brian’s mouth from moving.   
  
“Did Y/N ever tell you about that threesome she had?” Brian asked Roger. “Maybe you can get her to do that again for you.” His laughter is uncontrollable at this point and you’re trying not to take any of this to heart, but you can’t help it. Your eyes start to tear up for the second time tonight because of Brian’s mouth. “What, you didn’t tell him?” Brian asks you. “And why are you crying again? I hate when you cry.” He tries to touch you consolingly, but you knock his hand away.   
  
“Get him away from me. Please,” you calmly say as you walk out. You hear the front door close as you walk into your bedroom. There’s a million and one thoughts swimming in your head and you know it’s going to be a long, long night if you’re left alone with them. You know he’s tired, but you know there’s no way he’s sleeping yet, so you tap on Freddie’s door.   
  
“Come on,” he mumbled from behind the closed door. “I was waiting for you.” When you opened the door, he was sitting on his bed, patting next to him for you to come sit next to him. “Aww,” he says with a chuckle as he sits next to you and wraps his arm around you. “Tell me all about it.”   
  
You take a deep breath and sigh. “Brian. It’s always Brian,” you say as you look at Freddie with an annoyed glare. “We had a great day together. We went to the park. Then we went to Headley – he brought his telescope. We looked at the stars, we went get a bite to eat, heard some music. Everything was perfect. We were getting along so good and then we ran into Jane’s roommate.” You grunt and lay down, putting your head on his lap as he starts to play with your hair. “Then he comes here, drunk, sees me with Roger, and starts being a complete dick.”   
  
“You need to do is stop letting men control you.” Your head pops up and you give him a look of befuddlement. “Come on, what do you think Brian is doing? He’s not doing it on purpose. He doesn’t even know he’s doing it. He’s so confused about his own feelings and he wants you to stick around while he figures them out and he found a way to keep you hanging on.” You lay your head back down on his lap. “Judging by stories you told me about your ex, you let him control you too. And your dad – he controlled you so much he got you thinking you deserved nothing good out of life.”   
  
“You’re right,” you confessed.   
  
“Of course I’m fucking right,” he said with mock astonishment. You both chuckled before he continued. “You can’t hide shit from me.”   
  
“Since you know so much, how do I get him to stop controlling me?”   
  
“Well, you need to stop being confused about _your_ feelings. Once you accept them for what they really are then it’ll be impossible for him to control you.”   
  
“Easier said than done…”   
  
“Everything is, but if you pay attention, you already know exactly where you want to be, and it’s with blondie over there.” You pop up and look at Freddie with a raised eyebrow, which makes him start laughing. “Don’t even deny it.” He shoves you and you chuckle and playfully shove him back. “I’m just an outside observer here, but…” You start to talk but he covers your mouth with his hand. “I know what I see! You have that boy wrapped around your cute little finger, Princess, which is shocking because I’ve never seen him act this way with anyone else. And whether you want to admit it or not, he’s got you wrapped around his.”  
  
You give Freddie a blank, unamused stare. “Two months ago, you just _knew_ I was madly in love with Brian because of how we supposedly looked at each other, and now I’ve tamed the elusive lion you kept telling me was bad news and have him in a puddle at my feet.”   
  
“Oh, darling, your feelings for Brian are clearly fleeting,” Freddie laughs as you continue to give him the unamused look before his voice turns serious. “Let him go, Y/N. You both need to let each other go. He’s not going to do it until you let him go.” You realize Freddie is right, at least about Brian. “If he really wanted you, he’d be with you and not that wretched beast.”   
  
You lay your head on Freddie’s shoulder and he lays his on top of yours. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”   
  
“You’d fall apart.”  
  
“I’d have lost my mind a long time ago and probably would probably be somewhere else.”  
  
“Ooh does this make me your guru?”   
  
“Goodnight, Freddie,” you giggle. You kiss him on the cheek and walk out. “Love you.”   
  
“Love you, Princess.”   
  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰   
  
The next morning you decide to take your sketchbook and have your coffee outside in the garden. The weather was nice again, the sun peeking through the trees, and you even heard some birds chirping. You were enjoying the peaceful atmosphere and became irritated when you heard footsteps approaching. You look up from your book and slam it shut. “Don’t talk to me right now, Brian.” He’s standing in front of you, looking like crap, probably because he was feeling a little hungover. He was the absolute last person you wanted to see right now.   
  
He pulled out a chair from the small café table you were sitting at and invited himself to join you. Your jaw clinched, and you frowned, hoping he would get the hint and leave, but he didn’t. “I’m sorry about last night,” he said with sorrow in his voice, the same tone he would always give you when he was apologizing for being a complete jerk.   
  
You snap. _How_ _dare_ _he_ _think_ _this_ _is_ _going_ _to_ _make_ _everything_ _okay_ , you growled to yourself. “You’re always sorry. I’m tired of ‘I’m sorry.’ Please, go be happy with Jane and just…”   
  
“Y/N…” He tries to interrupt you, but you turn it back around on him.  
  
“No, Brian,” you grunt with force before turning your tone calmer, but still upset. “You know, last night, when you stood in my kitchen and basically called me a tramp, I think that told me exactly how you feel.”   
  
“I didn’t mean any of that. I was drunk.” His words were falling over themselves and his face turned apologetic, and afraid of what you were going to tell him next.  
  
“Alcohol tends to make the truth come out,” you inform him as you stand up from the table to get away from him. “So it’s clear to me you see me as some promiscuous bimbo, and that’s okay. I was at one time. But not anymore. Other people can let it go but you can’t.”   
  
“You’re not a bimbo. At least you’re keeping it to just one guy now.”   
  
“See? No matter how hard you try, that’s what you think about me!” You are absolutely furious. “I came here so I wouldn’t be judged anymore, and so people would stop looking at me like I was some kind of waste, and that’s what you do, every single time you look at me.” You are trying your hardest to hide the heartache. You don’t want him to know how much he’s hurting you. You want him to think you’re angry, which you are, but you think showing any kind of sensitivity right now is showing weakness.   
  
“I’m not judging you, Y/N. I just…”   
  
“You can’t help it. I get it.” He tries to say something, but you cut him off before the words can even vocalize. “Stop trying to make it better. Every time you try you just make it worse.” You turn and walk away, but you aren’t finished lashing out, so you turn back around and walk to where he’s seated. “Freddie never judged me. Neither has Roger. You… I didn’t expect you to.” Your eyes start to water, and it pisses you off because he’s the only one who has made you cry since you’ve been here and he’s the last person you ever thought would. “Of everyone, I didn’t expect it from you. Not the way you listened to me and seemed to understand everything I’ve ever told you about the shit I’ve been through.”   
  
You turn and walk away, but he yells out to you. “You’re making a mistake!” His voice has a hint of concern, and you consider ignoring him, but your curiosity gets the best of you.   
  
You roll your eyes, wipe your tears, and turn back around. “A mistake with what?”   
  
“Roger…” he begins. “I know him. I know how he is!”  
  
You walk up to Brian, who is still sitting down, and get in his face. “He’s never done anything or said anything to me to make me feel like a piece of shit, unlike someone else,” you seethe.   
  
“You don’t think he’s just using you for what he wants?” He seethes at you in return.   
  
“No, I don’t think that at all.” You calm your tone. “What I do think is that you don’t want me to be with him – or anyone else.” You start to walk away again.   
  
“I want you to be happy, Y/N,” Brian mumbles, just loud enough for you to hear it, which makes you turn back around one more time.   
  
“So then let me be happy. Please,” you plead with him. His eyes look down to the ground, and an expression of loss draws upon his face. Tears start to fall down your cheeks, a mixture of sadness and exasperation. “Goodbye, Brian,” you tell him as you walk away.

 


	7. Periwinkle

The venue was crowded, stuffy, and smelled like a mix of smoke, alcohol and a million different body odors. The stage was too small for you to take your usual spot on the side close to John, so you had to make do with standing with the rest of the concert goers. You actually preferred it this way, but the guys always insisted you sit on the stage with them so you wouldn’t get lost in the hustle of finding them when the show was over. You had company tonight – Jane. You didn’t speak, but her presence was there – she was standing right next to you, unfortunately right in front of Brian - but you didn’t let it bother you. When you walked away from him two weeks ago, you walked away completely. You were cordial, but that was it. If he was over at the flat to visit Freddie, you’d go to your room. If you passed him in the hall or outside, you’d tell him hello. Nothing more, nothing less. Jane didn’t even bother you anymore, no matter how hard she would try, and tonight was no exception. “That’s my boyfriend!” she would exclaim to anyone that would complement Brian’s guitar playing, in an over exaggerated volume to make sure you heard her.

Of course, you didn’t care, because you were too busy flirting from the audience with a certain drummer. The only thing that was irritating you tonight was that, when he would smile or flirt back, there was someone standing behind you who thought he was directing it to her. “Hey, Y/N, where is everyone going after this?” Lyla asked you with her annoying, screechy voice. “Is Roger gonna be there?”

“I’m not sure,” you told her, trying to ward her off to no avail. She was harmless enough, and you didn’t not like her, but you didn’t want her hanging around. Not tonight. Not when Roger was looking absolutely delicious. You were staring at him, unable to take your eyes off him. He noticed you looking – he noticed you looking all night – and he gave you a seductive smirk as you bit your bottom lip.

“He’s getting it _all_ tonight,” Lyla said in your ear, still thinking he was watching her. When the song finished, she was standing behind both you and Jane. “And I can tell Brian’s going to be giving it all to you, Y/N,” she yelled out, flighty and giddy. “He hasn’t stopped looking you all night!” Of course, Jane heard, and was naturally unamused. She glared at Lyla, then at you, and stormed off. “What’s her problem?” Lyla asked.

You look at her, annoyed yet humored. “Brian’s her guy, not mine.” You couldn’t help but smirk. Not because Brian’s been watching you, but because you managed to upset Jane and didn’t have to do anything. “Hey, this is the last song. I’m going in the back,” you tell Lyla, immediately regretting doing so. She grabs the back of your shirt as you walk so she doesn’t lose you in the crowd as she follows you through the backstage doors.

You’re waiting at the side of the stage with Lyla for the guys when Jane appears out of nowhere, shoving into you and causing you to fall to the ground. “Oh, sorry!” she said with fake apologies. “I just didn’t see you there!” You wanted to hit her, and hit her hard, but instead you stood up, wiped off your pants and didn’t even acknowledge her presence. You didn’t want to give her the satisfaction of knowing she got to you. Instead, you smiled at Lyla when you heard Freddie thanking everyone for coming to the show, knowing the guys would be joining you soon.

Brian was the first one off the stage and he was snatched up immediately by Jane. “Good job out there,” you told him as he passed, and he gave you an appreciative smile but said nothing in return. Freddie ran up to you, excited and beaming. “You were fantastic, of course,” you tell him.

He kisses you on the cheek before scurrying off. “I’ll see you at home, Princess!” You didn’t know why he was in such a rush, but it’s not like he’s never done things without reason before.

When you turn around you see Lyla, who already latched on – literally – to Roger, who was silently pleading for your help. He keeps trying to move away but she’s attracted to him like a magnet. You couldn’t help but find the whole scene amusing. “Hey, Lyla? Doesn’t he stink?” you called out. “How can you even handle it?” You walk over to them and sniff his hair. “Damn, Rog. You smell like a rotten egg.”

“Who cares about how he smells?” Lyla replies to you, but she doesn’t look at you because she can’t stop staring at Roger with gleaming eyes. “Hey, Rog?” She runs a finger up his chest. “I get some time alone with you tonight, right?” You try not to laugh. You try really hard. It just doesn’t work. He’s glaring at you, still pleading for help, but you walk away, because you hear John calling for you.

“Hey, what’s up?” you ask as you approach him. He’s standing there with a girl, which surprises you since he’s usually so timid. You knew if he had a girlfriend you’d have already met her, so you have no idea who she is. You hold our your hand and shake hers. “I’m Y/N. I guess you’ve already met Deaky here.”

“Yeah, I have,” she giggles. “I’m Gemma.” She can’t stop smiling, and neither can he.

“Everyone’s going back to yours?” he asked. “I think that’s what I heard Freddie say.”

“Of course. Everyone’s always there,” you laugh to cover up your annoyance. Just once I would like to not have to entertain everyone, you think to yourself.

“Can… can I bring…” He’s adorably stammering.

“Please do,” you look at Gemma and smile. “You’ll help bring some kind of balance to the male-female ratio.”  


⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰ 

Back at your flat, the music is loud, the air is clouded with cigarette smoke, and you’re completely sober, as is Roger, which is odd for the two of you to be the only sober ones in the group. You both are sitting on the sofa, his arm behind you as you lean your head back. You look up at him as he rubs your head with his hand with his cigarette hanging out of his mouth that reach up and grab it from him. “These things will kill you, Rog,” you joke as you hold it to your mouth and take a drag. You see Freddie, Brian and Jane standing by the radio, mentally daring Freddie to touch the vinyls. You told him he’s not allowed to touch them when he drinks, and usually follow your instructions, but you still get nervous whenever he hovers too close. Then you see John and Gemma over in the corner, standing close, giggling and being nauseatingly cute. There’s even a few people here you don’t even know.  
  
You’re exhausted, annoyed and wanting to get rid of all the people in here, especially Brian and Jane. You’re tired of watching them and you’re tired of sharing covert gazes with him. “Wasn’t Lyla here?” you ask, finally realizing you don’t see her.

“I told her to go wait for me at her place.” He was quite proud of himself as evidenced by the cheeky grin on his face. “Hey,” he slaps his hand on your thigh, pulling you away from your thoughts. He sees that Jane’s presence is bothering you, even though you’d probably never admit it. “Let’s get out of here.”

“And go where? It’s 1:00 in the morning and this stupid bitch is in my flat.” You glare over at Jane, hoping she’d get the message that she was not welcomed here anymore, but she doesn’t even notice you.

Roger wraps his arm tight around you, pulling your head into his shoulder. “Why don’t we go outside? Go for a walk?”

“It’s cold outside,” you retort, looking for any excuse not to leave.

He looks over at you with a huge grin on his face. “My room?”

You could never turn down one of those grins and he knew it. He used it to his advantage many times – getting you to the pub, to make him something to eat, to watch a certain television program or go see a movie you really didn’t want to see. He could probably even get you to rob a bank if he flashed that grin before asking you to. “I think that’s a great idea.” You reach a hand up and playfully shake it in his hair at the top of his head. “Go shower. You’re stinky,” you tell him as you squish your face, pretending to be grossed out.  
  
“You never had a problem with my sweat before,” he playfully growls as he leans over, kissing you on your neck and tickling you.

You start to giggle and playfully slap him. “Will you stop that?” You try to push him away from you, but it just makes him pull you in tighter. You both forget other people are in the room before Freddie starts yelling at the two of you to take it to the bedroom because this wasn’t “that kind” of party.

“I’m going shower,” he whispers with a small chuckle. “Give me ten minutes.” He gives you a nudge before standing up and walking out. You look at the gaggle of people in your living room, roll your eyes with frustration, grab your glass of wine and walk to your bedroom so you can freshen up before going next door.

When you step inside, you hear the door close, startling you since you didn’t close the door yourself. “Brian, what the hell are you doing?” you yell out as you see him standing there, leaning against the door.  
  
“Shhh…” he quiets you, with a finger up to his lips and his other hand motioning down.  
  
You lower your voice, pleading for an answer. “What are _you_ doing?”  
  
“What am I doing?” he snaps. “What are you doing?” His voice is an angry irritation mixed with a little bit of shock because he can’t believe you don’t know why he’s asking you this.  
  
“This is my flat, Brian. My room. You’re the one that doesn’t belong here.” You’re turning defensive, not knowing why he’s frustrated with you.  
  
He stands on the opposite side of the room from you, his face with a mix of yearning and annoyance. His words are stumbling around in his head and he’s unable to form an actual sentence. “Jane is here and you’re… You’re wearing that… Fuck, Y/N. That color...”  
  
“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing? Am I now supposed to only dress like a schoolmarm when Jane’s around?” You start to get angry. “I’m tired of having to tip toe around when she’s in _my_ space. This is _my_ flat. If she’s uncomfortable, she can leave, as can you.”  
  
He walks over to you and gets close, pinning you against the wall and looks down into your eyes. “I’ve always loved you in red,” he whispers in your ear. “I can’t do this. I can’t stay away from you.” He puts his hand to your face, making you look up at him.  
  
You told yourself that you were not going to allow him to weasel his way back into your stream of consciousness. You were not going to get tied up in this game you finally quit playing with him. You push him away from you. “Stop it, Brian,” you sneer. “I’m not doing this anymore.”  
  
You walk out and see Jane at the end of the hallway, wearing her nice, clean white shirt, snooping through your bookcase, touching your things, pissing you off more than Brian just did. You “accidentally” run into her, spilling your glass of red wine all over her clothes. “Oh, sorry! I just didn’t see you there!” you mock with intense snark, putting your hands to your face to feign surprise. Freddie and John start laughing hysterically, knowing you fully intended to do what you just did. Jane starts to scream at you, but you don’t care to pay attention to anything she’s saying. Brian comes running up when he hears. You turn to him, hand him your now-empty glass and walk out the front door.  
  
  
  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰ 

You and Roger lay back on his bed, his arm behind your neck, and share a cigarette. “I need to stop hanging around with you,” you joke. “That’s the only time I touch these things.” You climb out of the bed and grab a t-shirt that’s laying on his dresser, wanting to get more comfortable.  
  
“I have something else you can touch if this is a problem,” he quips as you change your shirt. You playfully slap him as you climb back to your spot in the bed, cuddling up next to him. “I’m glad you’re here, Y/N,” he said as he squeezed you tight.  
  
“I’m glad I’m here too,” you replied as you nuzzled your face in his neck.  
  
“I mean here, in London, not just my bed,” he jives with a laugh.  
  
You give him a playful nudge. “That’s what I meant, jackass.”

“You don’t seem to have much weighing on you since that night you went missing with Brian.” He noticed the change in your demeanor. You did feel a lot freer since you and Brian had your flare up.  
  
“Let’s just say I broke free of some binds.” You needed to change the subject quickly because if you didn’t everything you were planning on doing since he was sitting on that stage behind his drum kit wouldn’t happen. “I really don’t want to talk about him,” you whisper in his ear before you give it a gentle nibble. “It kills the mood.”  
  
His eyes light up as you start to run a hand close to his crotch and a smile draws itself across his face. “Are you sure?”  
  
“You said I can use you whenever I want, remember?” You both start to chuckle, and he leans his head down to give you a kiss. “Don’t you ever wonder what sober sex with me is like?” you joke, since it seemed most of the time the two of you did end up sleeping together it was due to alcohol releasing you of all inhibitions. “Besides, if I wasn’t sure,” you say as you start to unbutton and unzip his pants, “then I wouldn’t do this.” You reach down into his pants and start to rub, feeling him get a little harder with every stroke.  
  
He leans over to kiss you again. “Yeah, I guess you wouldn’t, huh?” He smirks at you as he undoes your pants and moves his hand in, using his fingers to stimulate you. The kissing intensifies, and your moans start to increase. He takes his hand out of your pants, moves your hand from his, and rolls you over to your back. He slides your pants off before taking off his shirt and leaning down to kiss you again. You scoot to sit up a little bit, your knees bent, he stands up and takes off his pants, watching you as you remove your shirt. He smirks at you again as he crawls on the bed, between your legs and starts to kiss you again, your hands through his hair and his on each side of you holding him up.  
  
Neither one of you realizes that the door is cracked open, and Brian is standing there, looking at the two of you having noticed the two of you when he was walking to his room. You don’t hear Jane calling for him from the other end of the hallway. You don’t notice him walking away, angry. You don’t even think of the possibility that he hears every moan, every giggle – every time you say Roger’s name and he says yours – because finally he is not in your head.  
  
He stayed out of your head until the next morning. Roger was still sleeping when you woke up and you decided to let him sleep since he looked so peaceful. You put on your pants and Roger’s shirt you were wearing because you couldn’t find yours and attempted to sneak out back to your place, but it didn’t go as planned. “Leaving so soon?” Brian asked you as you were headed out the door. “Don’t want to stay for breakfast?” His tone was sarcastic and angry. He was sitting in the chair, glaring at you.  
  
You tuned to face him, trying to joke and lighten the stiff atmosphere. “No, I better get going if I want to make it home in time for lunch. I live so far away.”  
  
His expression was blank, and he was clearly unamused. “What are you doing?”  
  
“I’m going home.” You’re confused. What else would you be doing?  
  
“No, I mean with Roger.” The sarcasm has left, but the anger is still there, and now you feel yours seeping in.  
  
Your eyes narrow as you look at him, letting him know that you’re ticked off. “I’m doing what I want. It’s none of your concern.”  
  
“So now you just shove it in my face?” he yells at you.  
  
“Shove it in your face?” you yell back, absolutely furious. “I’m supposed to never look at anyone because it may hurt your feelings?” You start to walk away, but Brian isn’t finished arguing with you.  
  
“I was in the next room!”  
  
“With your _girlfriend_ , Brian! Remember her?”  
  
“So you decide that fucking my best friend is okay?”  
  
“I’ve been fucking your best friend for months now and it never bothered you before.”  
  
“It always bothered me…” His voice trailed off and his anger subsided, turning into regret, judging by the look on his face. But you didn’t care. You were still heated.  
  
“Save it. I don’t want to hear it anymore. You make me feel like you and I can be something, you suck me in, and then the next day I learn about her from other people. You treat me like I’m the only girl in the entire world one day, and then I see you with her. And now you’re angry because I’m ‘fucking your best friend’ as if it just happened for the first time last night?” You knew you were being loud, but you didn’t care, thinking maybe if you yelled at him he would finally get it. “I wasn’t going to sit around and wait for you to figure out what you want, because it became quite clear that what you want isn’t me.” You turn away from him and walk to the door before turning back to say one more thing, lowering your voice. “Nothing I am doing is about _you_ , Brian. For the first time in my life, I am doing what makes _me_ happy.”  
  
He calls out to you before hurrying to you, trying to keep you from walking out the door. You can find someone else! It doesn’t have to be Roger!”  
  
“I don’t want it to be anyone else,” you tell him quietly before walking out the door.  
  
Roger woke up, hearing everything that was going on, but he waited to show his face until after you left. He walked in room to see Brian, standing by the door, more upset than he had ever seen him before. “Close the door next time,” Brian grumbled as he walked by.  


⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰ 

You’re ready for this day to end – this entire week to end, and it’s only Wednesday. It’s been nothing but bullshit since the other morning when you had your latest argument with Brian. Roger went to go visit his mom for her birthday and he wouldn’t be back until Sunday. Freddie has been in a mood, causing the two of you to snip at each other for every little thing. And Brian, well, the two of you barely even spoke, and when you did speak it was to get some cheap shot in at each other. You intended to take this afternoon alone to rest, so you became really annoyed when there was a knock at the door and interrupted your reading.  
  
It was Brian and he looked angry. “I’m surprised you’re alone,” he says with derision. “Then again, Roger is out of town.”  
  
You glare at him, letting him know that you weren’t exactly happy to see him. “What do you want, Brian?” The anger in his face didn’t subside. He was clearly standing here looking for an argument and you were more than happy to give it to him.  
  
He pushed his way into the flat, closing the door behind him. “I found this,” he growled as he tossed that red shirt you were wearing Saturday night to you. “Thought you’d like to have it back.” The anger in his voice was growing, as was yours. He walked into the living room and started to pace around. He noticed the book you had laying on the sofa as being one of Roger’s and picked it up. “Huh, well I guess you weren’t lying when you said it wasn’t just about sex,” he snickered.  
  
“Imagine that,” you sarcastically replied. You couldn’t believe he had the audacity to come in your room uninvited and to start an argument with you over this again. It was none of his business. He made it none of his business when he didn’t tell you about his girlfriend after making you feel like he did. “What’s it to you, anyway?”  
  
He shrugged. “I’m just trying to figure out if it’s his brain that keeps you around or his dick.”  
  
You chuffed and give him a smirk. “I spend time with Roger because he’s smart. I fuck Roger because he’s good at it.” You knew you were egging him on. You wanted an argument. You wanted to fight this all out and just get it over with.  
  
His vehemence keeps growing. Your eyes squint into an icy glare as he moves close to you. “I hear how you act with him,” he whispers in your ear. He grabs you and kisses you intensely, his tongue forcing its way into your mouth, his hand grabbing the back of your neck and the other tugging on the front of your shirt. “Maybe I’ve been doing it wrong all along,” he hissed.  
  
You push him away and grit your teeth. “Fuck you, Brian.”  
  
“Am I not doing this right?” He grabs you again, causing you to push him again, this time making him fall onto the sofa. None of this was your intention when you started to argue, but you couldn’t contain yourself any longer. This was so out of character of him, and you were completely turned on by his aggressiveness. You see in his eyes that he was turned on, too, and there was only one way this was going to end.  
  
You walk in front of him, stand between his legs and take off your shirt. “You want me like he gets me, Brian?” His eyes are intense but welcoming, and you straddle his lap, grinding yourself into him. “You know you do,” you snarl as he starts to kiss you again, his hands grabbing your tits in a borderline fury. You push his hands away and climb off, leaning back on the sofa and take off your shorts as he stands in front of you as you look up at him. “You were always too scared. That’s a shame.” He’s clearly aroused – you can see it through his pants that you start to unbutton and pull down before grabbing hold of his cock with one hand. “You have to learn that sometimes you just have to take what you want,” you tell him, breathlessly, before your tongue started to work its way around, moistening it up to make it easier to slide into your mouth.  
  
He was enjoying it, as evidenced by the way he looked at you, how his eyes would shutter with every move, which is why you were taken aback when he hurried and pulled himself out of your mouth, causing your mouth to make a pop. “No, you’re not getting off that easy.” You stood up and kissed him, your tongues dancing in a fiery passion, as he pulled his pants back up before grabbing your hand and dragging you to your bedroom.  
  
He pushed you down to the bed while he kicked off his shoes and removed his pants before laying on top of you, his frustration radiating as he ground down, forcing your legs to open for him. He took your hands in his and moved them above your head, holding them tight as he moved in for a kiss before moving to your neck. “Is this how you want it?” he growled in your ear. You can’t reply. You aren’t even sure if you’re supposed to. All you can do is whimper as he drags his teeth down your neck to your collarbone, thrusting his pelvis against yours. “You want me to fuck you until you scream _my_ name? Fuck you until _he’s_ the one you forget about?” He purposely made his dick rub against your folds underneath your panties, knowingly teasing you. “How many times can he make you cum, Y/N? One?” he loudly whispers, reading on your face that he gave the wrong answer. “Two?” You shook your head no. “Three?” You smirked at him.  
  
He released one of your hands before quickly grabbing both of your wrists with the other, continuing to pin you down so you couldn’t move. He ran his hand down your body, pulling down your panties, before watching two of his fingers make their way inside of you. You bucked against his hand and moaned his name as he feverously thrust his fingers inside of you as his thumb rubbed against your clit. “You like that, don’t you?” he snared, never taking his eyes off yours. “Just wait until you see what my dick can do to you.” The way he was talking to you, his authoritative tone, was making it impossible for you to hold out any longer. “One,” he grinned.  
  
His hand still pinned your arms above your head, not giving you a chance to catch your breath like he instinctively knew if he wanted to make you come again he couldn’t waste a single second. He rubbed his cock against your wetness before guiding himself inside with force, making eye contact while he did, as you shared a moan as you both felt the force at the same time. He started to rage inside of you, his other hand grabbing your ass so hard you knew there would be bruises after he finished. He kept up his brutal pace, staring deep into your eyes. “Don’t fucking stop,” you commanded him. “Just like that.” You start to clinch around him, and call his name out as you reach your climax, but he hurries and pulls himself out of you, knowing he had to wait if he wanted to last long enough to give you one more orgasm.   
  
“Two,” he growled as he released his grip on your wrists. You brought your hands to the back of his head and pulled him down for a kiss. Your eyes burned through his, and he knew he had you right where he wanted you. “Not such a big talker now, are you?” he snarled as rubbed his cock against your slit, taking great pleasure in seeing your eyes beg him for more. “Look at you,” he whispers, “laying there like you are, needing me so desperately.” He kisses you again. “Do you need me, Y/N?” You shake your head and give a pleading moan. “It’s not fun being teased, is it?”  
  
He brings a hand down to toy with your wetness again, groaning as he feels just how wet you are. His other hand clenches tightly onto one of your breasts before he brings his mouth down to the nipple, tugging on it with his teeth. You can’t take it anymore. You need to finish, and you need to finish now, and his teasing is starting to piss you off more than you were before. “You know you want to fill me up. You know you’ve wanted to for a long time. So just fucking do it.” He raises his head, startled by your tone. You raise an eyebrow. “Unless… you can’t.”  
  
He gives you a roguish sneer as he guides his dick back inside you. “Oh, I can,” he tells you. “And I will.” He thrusts his cock deep inside you again, his pace even more fierce than before. Your fingernails dig deep into his back as your legs wrap tightly around his waist as your thighs start to shake. You were screaming and calling out his name. “That’s right,” he grunts. “It’s me fucking you this time.” Your cunt pulses against his throbbing length as he continues to crash into you. You both start gasping for air. “You feel so fucking good, Y/N,” he says with haste. “Come one more time for me.” You both moan loudly, almost in unison, euphoria overtaking both of you at the same time.  
  
He falls to you, breathing heavily and you feel his breathing on your neck as you run your hands up from his back to his shoulders. “Where did that come from?”  
  
He rolls off you and lays on his back. “I don’t know,” he chuckled before running his hands over his face, quickly realizing what he’s just done. You look over to him and see his face filled with guilt, but you’re not sure if he’s upset by what just happened or because of her. “I’m a fucking asshole,” he whispered to himself.  
  
“Hey,” you nudge him, trying to snap him out of his daze. “What’s on your mind?”  
  
His look said it all. He was ashamed of what he just did and how he just acted. He quickly gets up from the bed and starts to get dressed. You look at him, confused by how he’s acting, but stay silent. “I’m…. I’m sorry, Y/N. I shouldn’t have…” he’s struggling to find the words he wants to say.  
  
“Sorry for what, Brian?”  
  
“I shouldn’t have done that. Not like that. I’m sorry…” He sits back on the bed and starts putting his shoes on. “It shouldn’t have been like that…”  
  
“Brian,” you rub the back of his shoulder, doing anything you can to help him relax. “There was absolutely nothing wrong…” You wanted to tell him it was okay, that he didn’t do anything to hurt you – physically or emotionally, if that’s what he was worried about.  
  
“I shouldn’t have treated you like that, Y/N,” he turned to face you, pain on his face. “I never wanted our first time to be…” He notices the questioning look on your face when he says the words “our first time,” making him stop his thought. “I’m sorry.”  
  
You wrap yourself in the sheet and move to sit next to him. “I’m okay. I didn’t exactly stop you,” you smiled. You move a piece of hair that fell into his eyes out of the way before holding your palm against his cheek. You can see it’s much more than his aggressiveness that’s bothering him. “No one has to know,” you whisper, giving him a comforting smile. “Our secret.”  
  
“I feel like shit,” he bemoaned.  
  
“Hey,” you stopped him. “Our secret, alright?” You paused, trying to convince him with your smile that he had nothing to worry about. “I promise. Our secret.” He smiles and shakes his head, knowing you’re not going to tell anyone what happened.  
  
You stand up and grab your robe when you hear Freddie calling from the other room. “I’m home, Princess! And I’m hungry come make me some food.” You start to laugh until you realize you have company.  
  
“Oh fuck!” Brian mutters and throws his face in his hands. “Now what?”  
  
You wave your hands down to tell him to stay calm. You walk to your bedroom door, crack it open and yell out to Freddie. “Hang on. I’m just about to jump in the shower!” You turn to Brian. “Do not leave this room. I’ll let you know when to go, ok?” He nods yes, and you walk out to take a quick shower.  
  
Freddie notices your clothes thrown on the floor in the living room and picks them up. As he’s walking down the hall to bring them to you he starts joking. “The last time your clothes were thrown about in the living room you had Roger in there. Who the are you hiding this time?” You start to panic and hurry out of the shower, rushing to stop him from going in your room. But you’re too late. He flung open your bedroom door and saw your guest sitting on your bed. “Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Freddie yelled out. “Why are you sitting here in the dark? Scared the shit out of me.”  
  
“Sorry, Fred…” Brian doesn’t know what to say or do and looks to you for guidance.  
  
You start laughing as you grab your clothes from Freddie. “I must have dropped them when I was folding my laundry earlier.” He gives you a suspicious look but doesn’t say anything. “Alright you two. Get out so I can get dressed. Brian? What time did you want to leave?”  
  
“Uhh…” he stumbles but quickly recovers and plays along. “Whenever you’re ready I guess.” He jumps up and starts to walk out.  
  
You nod your head once. “Hey Freddie? Want to come? We’re going eat.” Freddie raises an eyebrow. “Are you hungry or no?” You look over to Brian, who is relieved that you played that off. “I’ll come get you when we’re ready.” He smiles and rushes out and Freddie sits on your bed, glaring at you suspiciously. “What?” you ask, knowing you’re about to get lectured about something.  
  
“You fucked him, didn’t you?” He smirks and chuckles. “I told you before, you can’t hide shit from me.” He looks over to the corner of your room where your full basket of dirty clothes is sitting. “Laundry, huh?”   
  
“Freddie, please…” you start to grovel.   
  
“I’m not going to say anything,” he’s giggling. “Soooo… was it that dirty, angry sex? The kind where you get out all of your aggression?”  
  
“Freddie! Stop!” you’re laughing hysterically.  
  
“I’m quite observant, in case you haven’t noticed. John and I had a bet as to whether or not this would happen.” You give Freddie a side-eyed glare. “What? We were wondering how you two were going to make up. I told him you two would eventually have a massive yelling match and probably break shit in the process. He’s the one who said you two would fuck it out.” Your expression never changed. “Don’t worry – I’m never going to tell him he was right. I’d have to pay him 10 quid.”

  
  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

  
Neither one of you are hungry but you can’t exactly stay home after telling Freddie you were leaving. Instead of bothering with food, you decide to walk. Neither one of you are saying a word. You have a million things you want to say but you don’t know how to say them. He’s in the same predicament. The more you walk, the more you understand the guilt Brian was feeling because it’s starting to come over you, too.  
  
You walk down as far as you can go, making it to the Thames where you take a seat on the wall with you back to the water. Brian stands next to you and looks in the opposite direction. “I’m letting you go, Y/N,” he tells you. You look over to him, befuddled, but he doesn’t look back. “I told you, I want you to be happy, and being happy means letting you go.” He’s starting to get choked up, which causes you to start tearing up because you always hate seeing a man get emotional. “I’m sorry for everything I’ve done, every time I’ve hurt you. You’re the last person I ever want to hurt.”  
  
“I know, Bri,” you whisper. “I know you didn’t mean any of it.”  
  
“But I did. I wanted you to feel the hurt I was feeling.” He’s disgusted with himself. “I was selfish. I’ll never forgive myself.”   
  
“Well, you have to, because I forgive you.” He finally turns to you and gives you a solemn smile as he looks down at his feet. You reach out for his arm to get his attention. “I have one request,” you tell him after he looks up to you. “Okay, two – no, three requests.” You get him to laugh, and that makes you relax. “First, don’t act funny around me. We’re both adults. We don’t have to act like children because of what happened, okay?” He shook his head, understanding what you meant. “Second, be my friend. I miss your stupid jokes and your awkwardness when I pick on you.” He grabs the back of his neck like he does when he’s embarrassed. “See! That! That’s what I’m talking about.” You make him laugh more. “My last request – stop letting Jane walk all over you. This goes along with you being my friend. We both need to stop acting so elusive whenever she’s around. You’re my friend. I love you. And I’m tired of her making it hard.”  
  
“I will honor all three requests. And I promise, she will never come between us ever again,” he says before he grabs you into a hug. “She’s just going to have to deal with the fact that Saturday night you’re coming back with me to Headley to watch the meteor shower because you’re the only person who will appreciate it.”

“Periwinkle,” you tell him. “You didn’t ask, but I know you were wondering.”

  
  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

  
“Happy birthday, Princess,” Freddie called out cheerfully as he walked in your bedroom to wake you up Saturday morning. He was carrying a plate of pancakes and a present. You sat up, surprised, and before you could say anything, he answered the question he knew you were about to ask. “I didn’t make these so they’re edible. I asked Catrin downstairs for help.” You both started laughing as he sat on your bed and handed you the plate. “I know you don’t like birthdays, but I do, so you have to entertain me.”  
  
“Thank you,” you smiled as you took a bite of your breakfast. “These are delicious.” You put some on the fork and fed it to Freddie. “How did you even know it’s my birthday?”  
  
“I found an old calendar in my closet and figured your grams didn’t know any other Y/N’s,” he chuckled. “Go on. Open your present.” He hands it to you, giddy, as he took the plate from your hands.  
  
You couldn’t help but scream with laughter when you looked inside of the box. “A tiara? Really?”  
  
“Every princess needs to have one!” he laughed as he put it on your head. “Perfect.”

You hand Freddie the plate of food, rush to your closet and put on your grandma’s old fur coat. “I think this makes it even better.”

“Absolutely!” He starts laughing and jumps up to find more ways to dress you up. “Jewels. You need jewels!” He starts digging through your jewelry and pulls out an obnoxious fake rhinestone necklace. “Perfect!” You walk over to your dresser and put on some lipstick as he hooks the necklace. “Gorgeous!” The both of you can’t stop laughing. “I think you need to wear this all day.”

You and Freddie are headed to the kitchen to brew the morning’s coffee and finish your pancakes when there’s a knock at the door. You both walk over to answer it. “Umm, Miss Y/L/N?” It’s a messenger holding an envelope. You nod as he looks at you, perplexed by your ridiculous outfit. You’re keeping a straight face but Freddie is having a hard time not losing it. “I have a delivery for you from… Mark… I can’t pronounce the last name, I’m sorry.” You want to vomit. You snatch the envelope from him and walk away. Freddie can see the distressed look on your face, thanks the courier and closes the door.

“How did he find me?” you mumble, sitting on the sofa, your hands shaking and feeling numb. Freddie sits next to you, unsure what to do. “How did he know I was here?”

“Mark?” Freddie asks. “Your…” Then it dawned on him. Mark, your ex. Your abusive ex. He started to get angry.

Your eyes well up with tears and you can stop shaking. “I can’t open this.” You hand the envelope to Freddie. “You open it.”

After tearing it open and reading the note, he starts to fume. He sees on your face that you want to know what it says. “All it says is ‘happy birthday, Peanut.’” You groan. You always hated when Mark called you that.

“He found me,” you mumble. “He fucking found me.”

“I won’t let him hurt you,” Freddie assures you.

“I’m not worried about that,” you tell him. “I’ll be okay. He’s just the last person I ever wanted to see again.”

There’s another knock at the door and you freeze. “Take this ridiculous shit off,” Freddie tells you as he pulls the tiara from your head. You take off the jacket and necklace as he walks to the door. “Can I help you?” you hear him ask from across the room.

“Uh, yeah, is this Y/N’s apartment?” you hear the visitor ask.

_Fuck_ , you think to yourself. _He’s_ _here_.


	8. Sky Blue

Your mind has drifted somewhere else. You’re sitting at the restaurant, your plate of food in front of you and you’re playing around with your fork. You’re thinking back to when you were 12 and in Marrakech with your mom, wandering around the souks, enjoying the chaos, sights and smells of the spices at the stalls. You were hearing your mom bartering with a Persian rug dealer in perfect French. You always wished you had paid more attention when she tried to teach you the language. You wished you had paid more attention to a lot of things she tried to teach you. You wished you had learned her strength. You needed her today, but she was gone.   
  
“Hey, Y/N? Where’d you go this time?” Mark chuckles as he looks at you snap back to reality. “Vienna or The Louvre?” You give him a small grin, trying not to let the disgust you feel when his green eyes throw spears into your gut boil up. You only came here because Freddie promised he would be lurking in a corner somewhere, keeping an eye out for any trouble.   
  
“I’m sorry,” you apologize, but you’re really not. It was a habit you picked up when you were with him – flashing back to happier times when you didn’t want to hear him yelling at you and chastising you about whatever wrong he thought you did. He wasn’t doing either of those things right now, though. He was being pleasant, a far cry from the person you knew him to be. “You know how my mind wanders sometimes.”   
  
He holds your hand to stop you from fiddling with your fork in your food. “What I was saying was that I want to apologize for everything I’ve ever done to you. I was an asshole. A terrible person. I want you to know that I deeply regret everything.”   
  
“Yeah, okay,” you tell him. It’s hard to believe anything he says. You don’t trust him, and you never will. You just want to get through this lunch and send him on his way. You drop your fork and pull your hand away from him. “I’m sorry, Mark, this is just weird. And awkward. And…” He drew his hand back and an apologetic look crossed his face. “Honestly? I don’t even want to be here with you right now.”   
  
“I’m not here to cause problems, Y/N. I want to make amends.” His eyes fall to his lap and you start to frown. “I really am sorry. For everything.” You stand up from the table and he looks up, moving his hand to hold on to your arm. “Please don’t leave. You didn’t even eat.”   
  
“I’m not hungry,” you gritted. “I lost my appetite when you showed up.” You start to walk away.   
  
“Wait! Y/N! Please just…” He gently tugs at your arm. “Tell me what’s going on with you. How things are going. How’s your life like. I just want to…” You turn and sit back down. “I just want to know you’re okay.”   
  
You were skeptical of the sincerity in his voice. He used that ploy every single time you’d leave and you’d go back every single time. “Things are wonderful. I’ve gotten away from everything that ruined me, I’ve made amazing friends, and I’m free. Finally.”   
  
“And this guy I met. Does he treat you right?” he asks.   
  
“Freddie. His name is Freddie. He’s my roommate, my best friend,” you inform him. “He saved my sanity when I first got here.” You chuckle as you tell Mark about how you met, and he seemed to be genuinely interested in everything you were saying.   
  
“I’m glad you have someone taking care of you. Not that you can’t take care of yourself! I’m glad you have someone to lean on.”   
  
Mark keep yammering but you’re not paying him any attention. You see Brian and Jane following the restaurant hostess, and they’re being seated at the table next to yours. Brian stops by your table and looks over to Mark, who stopped talking once he realized you weren’t listening to him again. “This is Mark,” you tell Brian before you turn to to continue the introduction. “Mark, this is my friend Brian and his girlfriend, Jane. Brian lives next door. He’s in the band with Freddie.” They shake hands, and you can see that neither one of them trusts the other. Jane seethes as she sits down, glaring at you.   
  
Mark had started talking again, but you weren’t listening. You didn’t care about anything he was saying. “How did you find me?” you hastily interrupted him. “Just stop with the bullshit. How did you know where I was?”   
  
“Lisa,” he started to explain. “Lisa told me that you might be here.” She was your best friend. Keyword: was. Lisa was there the day you met Mark. She was the first person you always went to when you were back home. She was always the one person you depended on, until you found out at your father’s funeral that she had been his little plaything for years. It disgusted you. You haven’t spoken to her since. “She’s worried about you.”   
  
You chuff and roll your eyes. “Worried, I bet. Probably more worried that her sugar daddy died and I’m the one with all of his money and she’s not getting any of it.” All of this was growing more sickening by the second and it was becoming harder to not cause a scene. “Thank you for lunch but I really have to go.” You start to move back from the table.   
  
“What about dinner tonight?” he asked.   
“I have plans.”   
“Tomorrow?”   
“Plans.”   
“Monday?”   
“I have plans. Whatever day you ask, whatever time, I already have plans,” you snap. “Look, I’m not going to pretend to be okay, or to be happy you’re here, or act like a friend, so stop trying.”   
  
“But, Y/N…” He reaches out to grab your hand again, but you quickly pull it out of his reach and grit your teeth.   
“You destroyed me, Mark, and you think popping up unannounced and uninvited and some lunch and a few words of apology is going to make everything okay?” You start to cry, not out of sadness, but out of sheer anger. “You destroyed me. Don’t you understand that? Destroyed me.” You wipe the tears from your face with frustration. “I was 16. Sixteen, and fragile and you took advantage of that.”   
  
He folded his arms and leaned back in his chair, a smug look on his face. “You came with me willingly, Y/N. Don’t act like I kidnapped you.”   
  
You slammed a fist on the table. “I was sixteen. You were 25. Do you not see the problem?”   
  
He grabbed your wrist and his smugness turned to ire. “I never forced you to do anything. You were always willing.”   
  
“Because I was terrified of you.” Yank your arm away, trying not draw attention. “I didn’t want any more bruises.”

He starts to indignantly chuckle. “If you were so ‘terrified’ then why did you always come back?”   
  
“Because you were what I thought deserved.” You stand up from the table and look at him, angrily, this time throwing those spears with your eyes. “But now I know that I deserve so much more than a piece of shit like you.” You grab your purse, sling it over your shoulder and walk out.   
  
Mark tries to follow you, but Brian reaches out an arm to stop him from passing, having heard every single thing that just transpired. “If you ever go near her again,” Brian starts, “I will make sure you regret ever stepping foot in London.”

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰   
Liberated. That’s how you feel. Mark may have been in London to fix his conscience, but you were the one who was truly rewarded. You finally stood up to him. Sure, there was more you could have and wanted to tell him, but you stood up to him, and that was more than enough to satisfy you. There was absolutely nothing that was going to stop you from floating. When you got back to your building, you ran into Freddie outside and greeted him with a huge smile on your face. When he saw you happy, he gave you a huge smile in return. “It went well. I closed that chapter in my book. I finally slayed that dragon.”   
  
“Oooh, a warrior princess,” Freddie joked. “Maybe you’ll need a sword to go along with that tiara.” He grabbed you into a hug. “I’m proud of you. I was worried it was going to be a disaster.”   
  
“Where are you off to?” you ask as you pull out of the hug. Freddie gives you a sneaky smirk. “Ah, a secret. You’ll just have to tell me later.” He gives you a kiss on your cheek and scurries off.   
  
When you walk in the flat, you throw your purse and keys on the table by the door and are surprised when you notice someone standing in your living room. “Holy shit, you scared me!”   
  
“Happy birthday, Y/N,” Roger says in a soothing voice, smile on his face, holding a bouquet of sunflowers and a small box in his hand. He wasn’t supposed to be home until tomorrow so this truly was a surprise.   
  
You walk up, throw your arms around his neck and kiss him. Not some emotionless kiss. You mean it, and he means it when kisses you back. After, you both stand there, gazing into each other’s eyes, smiling with relief. “Oh yeah?” he asked with a pleased grin.   
  
“Yeah,” you smiled back.   
“What was that for?” He asked with a smile. “Not that I’m complaining.”   
“Because I wanted to. Do I need a reason?”   
“No. Not at all. It was quite nice.”   
“Nice? That’s it?”   
“It was impeccable.” You giggle and give him a flirty slap on his shoulder before he moves back and does a silly, aggrandized bow. “For the lady, I bring gifts,” he says in a dramatic voice as he holds out the flowers and box.   
  
“Sunflowers,” you smile. “My favorite.” You give him a quixotic look, wondering how he could possibly remember that. You only ever mentioned it once in passing when you were both on your way to a movie one afternoon when you saw them in a store window. He shook the box to get your attention, antsy for you to open it. Inside you find a gold and jade bracelet and start to cry.   
  
“Is that the one?” he asks. You look at him with happy tears and shake your head yes. He puts the flowers down on the table and helps you put it on. A few weeks ago, the two of you were wandering around the shops in Camden and you saw it in the window of an antique store. You told him that your mom had one just like it and that she used to let you wear it whenever the two of you would dress up for a fancy dinner.   
  
“I can’t believe you remembered,” you whisper. He looks at you and gently smiles before moving your hair behind your ears, holding your face his hands and wiping your tears away with his thumbs.   
  
“I remember everything,” he jokingly growls before guiding you over to sit on the sofa. “Anything interesting happened while I was gone?” He keeps up the joking, knowing good and well you were just getting home from lunch with Mark, and pulls you in to cuddle with him.   
  
You rest your head on his shoulder and quietly chuckle. “It went fine,” you tell him. “I didn’t let him win.”   
  
“Good,” he says as he kisses the top of your head. You tingled inside every single time he did that. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want.”   
  
“I missed you,” you whisper, snuggling yourself closer.   
  
He laughs softly. “Well you don’t have to miss me anymore. I’m here.” He pulls you closer to him before moving his hand up to play with your hair. You don’t know if he felt comfort in doing that or if he knew you loved it. Either way, you were perfectly fine with him always playing with your hair. “I missed you, too. I even left at an ungodly hour so I could get home as soon as possible.”   
  
You missed him more than you thought you would, and you thought it was silly that you missed him as much as you did. He had only been away for a few days. You missed this – the safety and comfort he brought when he held you like he’s holding you now, the feeling that everything was going to be okay. “I never had this before,” you tell him, breaking the silence.   
  
He gives you another kiss on the top of your head. “I never had this before either,” he whispers. “Never wanted it before.” His hand continues to fiddle with your hair as his body shifts slightly, and he softly clears his throat, reaching down to grab his cigarettes.   
  
“I talked it out with Bri,” you told him as you stood up to go grab a couple of beers from the refrigerator.

“You talked to Brian?” he asked, surprised. “Without strangling him? How long was I gone?” He lit two cigarettes at the same time, one for him and one for you, as you walked back in, handing him a beer as you sat down.   
  
“We fixed everything,” you told him, matter-of-factly before taking a sip of your beer. “We’re even going watch the meteor shower tonight.” His eyebrow raises and he flashes a half grin. “Oh stop,” you tell him, “Like you’d take me down there to watch it.”   
  
“I’ll share you for a little while but later tonight, you’re all mine.”   
  
You jokingly roll your eyes and sigh. “Oh alright, I guess you’ll do.” You give him a snide smirk.   
  
He calmly puts his cigarette in the ashtray, takes yours from you and does the same before looking back and you and giving you the same snide smirk that you were giving him. “I’ll do?” He throws himself on top of you, tickling you and you’re laughing hysterically. “I’ll just do?” You’re trying to stop him, but he grabs both of your hands and holds them down as he leans over, kissing the tip of your nose. “You’re lucky I picked you to spend the night with.”   
  
“Over who? Lyla?”   
  
“It was a hard decision, but you came out on top.” He gives you a quick, hard kiss. “You give better blowjobs.”   
  
You laugh and push him off you. “Watch it, or you won’t get anymore.”   
  
He stands up and turns on the radio and a slow song is playing. “Ah, I heard this one the other day. It’s nice.” He looks over to you and gets a silly grin on his face. “I love this song,” he said, mocking your movements and the way you told him the same thing at the club that night you two first slept together. You started laughing so hard you had tears. “Dance with me.” He grabbed your hands and pulled you up to him, wrapping your arms around each other.   
  
“You’re an idiot,” you tell him through laughter while he still has that silly grin on his face.   
  
“Y/N?” he asks, still mocking you. “You’re cute.”   
  
You start to play along, this time mocking him. “Cute? Just cute? I’m offended!”   
  
The grin falls into a sincere smile. “You’re beautiful.” He pulls you close to him and wraps his arms around you as you lay your head to his chest, closing your eyes, hearing his heartbeat. He rests his chin on top of your head and sways the both of you to the music coming from the speakers. You enjoyed every moment spent with him, but these were your favorites – when he would hold you close, making the world around you disappear.   
  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰  
“Rog is okay with this?” Brian asks on the car ride.   
  
“I don’t need his approval,” you giggle. “I’m not his property.”   
  
“You didn’t tell him?” He was a bit surprised, but grateful.   
  
“No, I told you – our secret.” You wanted to tell Roger about that afternoon with Brian, if only to not have any problems caused further down the road if he did find out, but you weren’t in any kind of commitment with him, so you justified keeping it a secret.   
  
Brian raises his eyebrow before asking his next question. “Did you tell Freddie?” He knows you tell Freddie everything.   
  
“Freddie figured it out all on his own. He won’t say anything. If he does he has to pay John 10…” You stop yourself as Brian looks at you, slightly humored.   
  
“So the bet was real,” he murmured as he parked the car. You looked over to him, slightly horrified that he knew more than he told you. “The last practice, they were talking about it. I thought they were joking. Clearly you know about it,” he laughed. He looked out the window and groaned. “It’s fucking cloudy. We may not see much.”   
  
“Typical,” you start laughing. “We can’t ever have a date that goes smoothly, can we?” Brian appreciated the jokes. He was worried that after everything that happened you would feel awkward around each other. Seeing that you didn’t helped him not feel anything odd.   
  
Brian reaches into the backseat and pulls out a present. “Here. A little something for your birthday.” He smiles and hands you a wrapped gift.   
  
“Oh, Brian, you didn’t have to…”   
“I know, but I wanted to. Go on. Open it.”   
  
He waits patiently as you carefully unwrap the small trinket box embellished with a picture. Your mouth drops open. “Brian… it’s…”   
  
“Yeah,” he whispers softly. You run your hand over it, tears starting to form in your eyes that you’re desperately trying to hold back. It’s Rembrandt’s portrait of Andromeda Chained to the Rocks. “Do you like it?”

You throw your arms around him and give him a tight hug. “I love it.” You can’t stop the stray tear from falling down your cheek. “You, Roger and Freddie are the greatest. You’ve all made today one of the best. I don’t know what I would do without you guys.” You give Brian a kiss on the cheek as you slowly move away, and his eyes start to pierce yours.   
  
He hurries and pulls away, not wanting to upset the distance you two created that night by the river and looks out of the car window. “Looks like there’s more clouds coming,” he says with a quiver in his voice. “Maybe we should just go home.” You keep looking at him, hoping to get him to turn back to you. “We can catch the next one.”   
  
“Brian?” you call out to him, and he turns to look at you. “I mean it. I don’t know what I would do without you.”   
  
He smiles appreciatively. “I don’t know what I’d do without you either, Y/N.” He clears his throat and starts the engine. “Let’s get going. No reason to sit here.”   
  
After a few minutes in silence, he looks over to you and sees you still running your hands over the picture on the box and notices your new bracelet. “I see Rog gave you his present?” You smiled and shook your head, your eyes diverting to your wrist. “He was proud of that one,” he chuckled.   
  
“Yeah, I was surprised he remembered,” you whispered. “We saw it in Camden. My mom had one just like this.”   
  
“Wow,” Brian said, impressed that Roger was so thoughtful. “I was wondering why he was so insistent we go to that shop.” You looked at him with a curious face. “Last week when Freddie told us today was your birthday. He made us go there because he knew exactly what he wanted to get you.”   
  
A shocked look fell over your face. “You went with him?” You were smiling.   
  
“Yeah,” he giggled. “We all went. Me, Rog, and Fred.” His giggle turned to a laugh. “Fred give you his present?”   
  
“Yes, he did. I wore it all morning.” Your laughter gave way to an awkward silence. “Hey, Bri? Sky blue.”   
  
“Ha, I was just about to ask.” You we’re both struggling to make conversation, not because of a lack of things to talk about, but because neither of you knew if bringing up the topics each of you wanted to would be a good idea.   
  
He doesn’t head straight home, taking the longer route and driving through the streets of the city with no particular destination. “Where are you going?”   
  
“I’m being spontaneous,” he laughs. “Someone told me once that I should be that more often.”   
  
“Ah, must have been a wise person who told you that,” you chuckle. 

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰   
“He’s a good guy,” Brian spurted out with no warning once you arrived back to the flat. “He cares about you more than he cares about himself, Y/N, and that says a lot.” You look over at Brian, who doesn’t meet your stare. “I was worried because I’ve seen him with others before, but you’re the first person he’s ever put above himself.” You look down at your bracelet and smile as you start to run your fingers over it. “He makes you happy. You smile anytime you think about him.” You look over at Brian and he’s smiling at you. “He does the same when he thinks about you.”   
  
Your face turns serious and you start to gaze out of the window. “I’m not used to any of this. Part of me wants to ruin everything so I won’t get heartbroken first.”   
  
“We’re not all like Mark,” Brian tries to reassure you. “If Rog ever turns into that I’ll kill him myself.” He started to chuckle at his joke, but you didn’t react.   
  
“I’m scared to let myself feel, Brian.”   
  
“We’re not all like Mark,” he tells you again, putting a hand on your leg. “Some of us do appreciate a remarkable girl when we meet one.” You dart your eyes to him and he clears his throat, rushing to move his hand away.   
  
“I’m far from remarkable,” you whisper. “I’m nothing special.”   
  
“It pisses me off when you do that,” Brian says, exasperated, as he hits his hands on the steering wheel before gripping it tightly. “You don’t see your own worth and what you’re worthy of.” He releases his hands, relaxing himself. “That asshole broke you, yes. Now it’s time to let someone else fix you.” He points down at your bracelet, making sure you look down and see it. “That wasn’t bought by someone who sees you as just a friend he likes to shag occasionally.” You look up at Brian, who is looking at you with encouragement. “Let him fix you.”   
  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰  
When you walk into the flat, you see everyone there – Roger, Freddie, John, Gemma. Freddie runs up to you quickly and excitedly. “There she is!” He puts your tiara on your head and you both start cracking up laughing. “Come here, there’s someone I want to introduce you to!” He grabs your hand and rushes you into the kitchen.   
  
The first person you see is Jane, much to your chagrin, but she smiles and hurries over to you and grabs you into a hug. Your arms are completely limp, and you look at Freddie not knowing what to do. You slowly move your arms up to hug Jane back. She starts to talk low in your ear. “We must talk later, okay?” She moves back and looks at you, smiling. You shake your head and she goes back to the oven. You are beyond confused right now.   
  
“Princess,” Freddie calls you over. “Meet Mary. My friend.” He put strong emphasis on the word “friend,” and you knew exactly what he was implying. “As you can see,” he turned to Mary, “we only allow pretty girls around, so you’ll fit right in.” He kissed her on the cheek and wrapped his arm around her waist.   
  
“Y/N, it’s so good to finally meet you,” she says as she holds out her hand, which you quickly shake. “He talks about you so much I feel like I already know you.”   
  
Before you could answer her, you feel Roger sneak up behind you and pull you close. “Now you know where Fred was always sneaking off too,” he chuckled. “We like her. We’re going to let him keep her.”   
  
Freddie released his grip on Mary and tugged her arm. “You’ll have plenty of time to gab. Right now, you must meet Brian.”   
  
You turn to face Roger, his arms still wrapped around you. “How was the sky?” he asked with a smile.   
  
“Eh, it was too cloudy to see anything, so we didn’t stay.”   
  
“How much longer do I have to share you for? There’s something I want to discuss…”   
  
Before you could answer, you hear yelling coming from the living room. It’s Brian, and he’s yelling louder than you ever thought he could be. “I told you to leave her the fuck alone!” You look to Roger, then back at Jane who is still standing by the oven, all three of you with shocked looks on your faces. You all rush to the living room to see what’s going on.   
  
Gemma and Mary run towards you, stopping you and Jane while Roger pushes his way to where the males have all congregated in the middle of the room. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I thought he was a friend of yours,” she starts to cry. “I let him in. I didn’t know…”   
  
“It’s okay,” you tell her, but you don’t look at her. You’re worried about what’s happening between Brian and Mark.   
  
Mark tosses a book to Freddie before turning and walking to the door. “Make sure she gets this,” he grumbles before walking out and slamming the door. No one says anything, too stunned to even move.   
  
“Who the fuck was that?” Roger asked before it dawned on him. He turned to you, looking at you for confirmation of his suspicion. You shook your head and he took off running out the door, with Brian, John and Freddie following him.  
  
You and the rest of the girls stay still, not knowing if you should follow or stay inside. You keep looking at each other, hoping one of you would make a move, but no one knows what to do. “Brian told him at the restaurant if he came near you again he would regret it,” Jane tells you.   
  
“Who is that?” Mary asks. You start to laugh, and they all look at you like you’re insane.   
  
“This is why I don’t celebrate my birthday.” You take a seat on the sofa and grab a cigarette from a pack that’s sitting on the coffee table. “They always start great,” you say before lighting it. “But they always end completely fucked up.” You take a slow drag and lean back, crossing your legs. “I’m sorry you’re all having to witness to the circus that is my life.”   
  
Jane sits down next to you and puts a hand on your knee. You glance over at her, wondering why she’s being so nice to you. “I heard what he was telling you at lunch,” she started. “No one deserves that, Y/N. No one.”   
  
“Not even me?” you ask with a sly grin.   
  
“No one,” she says firmly. “I know you and I didn’t get off on the right foot, and I take my blame in that. But I would never have acted the way I did with you had I known.” She sighs and takes a deep breath. “Don’t get mad at Brian, but he told me some things today and…”  
  
You look up and Mary and Gemma and explain, rather nonchalantly. “That was Mark. He’s my ex. He used to beat the shit out of me.” Their looks turn sympathetic and they come to sit by you. “No, you’re not allowed to look at me like that,” you say with a smile. “Do not pity me.”   
  
“Y/N has been through a lot and…” You cut Jane off before she could finish.   
  
“And it’s made me stronger. Like I said, don’t pity me. There are people out there who have dealt with and are dealing with much worse.” You don’t want a pity party. You don’t wallow in misery about any of it, not anymore, and you don’t want them treating you like some delicate flower.   
  
Jane looks over to Mary and Gemma, feeling like she needs to explain more, although you wish she wouldn’t. “Brian has always been so defensive of Y/N, and I would get so infuriated because I thought he was in love with her or something, but it turns out he was just being a protective friend.” You close your eyes and try to help the sinking feeling in your stomach go away. “Y/N and I haven’t gotten along,” she says as she puts a hand on your shoulder. “But I hope all of that can change.” The timer in the kitchen starts to go off and Jane jumps up, startled. “Uh, dinner is ready!” All of you start to laugh as she rushes into the kitchen, followed by Gemma.   
  
Mary moves to sit next to you, your eyes still closed as you take a hit from your cigarette. “Y/N?” Her voice is tinged with concern. “I know I’m the new girl here, but is there more than just some ‘protective friendship’ going on between you and…”   
  
“Oh, God,” you mumble as you open your eyes and glare at Mary before you start to laugh again. “As I said, my life is a circus.” Her concern starts to relax, but you can see she’s curious. “It’s nothing, honest.”   
  
She smirks, and you realize that she may be privy to more information than you first thought. She is with Freddie, after all. “That’s not true,” she chuckles before starting to whisper. “Don’t worry. I won’t say anything.”   
  
“It was one time,” you adamantly whisper back. “That’s it.”   
  
You want to make sure she understands, but the guys walk back inside laughing and patting each other on the back. “That’s been taken care of,” John tells you, excited by whatever had transpired. “He won’t be coming back.” Gemma runs in from the kitchen and grabs him into a hug.   
  
“That’s John’s birthday present for you, Princess,” Freddie says with pride. “Didn’t know he had it in him.”   
  
You look over to Brian and Roger who are both looking at you. “John! Your hand!” you hear Gemma yell in the background. “Let’s get you some ice!” You head more talking and mumbling, not paying any attention to any of it. You can’t stop looking and Brian and Roger, and they couldn’t stop looking at you, until something or someone distracted Brian and he walked away.   
  
Roger’s expression is blank, as is yours, not knowing how to process everything that just happened. He waves you over, and you go to him. He grabs you into his arms and holds you tight. “I wanted to kill him, Y/N. I never wanted to hurt anyone as much as I wanted to hurt him.” He kisses the top of your head, and that’s all it took for you to release the built-up tears you didn’t know you were holding in. “I won’t let anything happen to you. None of us will.” He moves to look down at you, and you look up at him. “Come on. Let’s go somewhere quiet. You’ve had a long day.”   
  
“But…” you point back towards the kitchen and he stops you.   
  
“They’ll understand. Come on.” He grabs your hand and walks you to his flat.   
  
_Finally_ , you think to yourself. _Silence_. You get comfortable on the sofa while Roger grabbed some beers before joining you. You look up and smile at him as he sits down next to you. He hands you a beer as you take one of his cigarettes. You know he has things he wants to know. After lighting your cigarette, and one for himself, he leans back into the corner of the sofa and lets out a deep breath. You take this as your cue to start talking.   
  
"I met him when I was 16. I was with my friend Lisa at the record shop, whining about being too young to go to Monterrey. They were having a big music festival out there the next week. We wanted to be hippies, but we didn’t even have a car.” You start to chuckle and look at Roger, who is looking and listening to you intensely. “Mark heard us and told us that he was headed out that way and would give us a ride. So, I went home and packed a bag. Left a note on the kitchen table for my dad and hopped in his car, by myself. Lisa didn’t come. She got scared.”   
  
Roger can’t help but laugh. “I look at you now and can’t picture you as one of those flower kids or whatever they were called.”   
  
You laugh as well, thinking back at how ridiculous everything really was, but you started to get introspective about it all. "Free love was a nice concept, but none of them ever wanted to know me. To know my hopes, my dreams, my likes and dislikes. My favorite flower..." The two of you share a sweet smile.   
  
“My grandma and mom both died in a two-year span. My dad was an asshole. I was alone. When I met Mark he promised me everything,” you say as you roll your eyes, trying to fight back your tears. “A couple of years later I stole enough money from the son of a bitch and got a train ticket back home from Phoenix. I begged dad to forgive me and let me back home. He did, gave me a job at his company, but never missed the chance to tell me how worthless I was.”  
  
“Dad was a hard man. Everything with him was hard. His attitude, his work ethic, his drinking.” You look over to Roger to make sure this sudden bout of spewing wasn’t making him uneasy. He was listening closely, so you continue. “He had a massive heart attack a year later. Left me with all his shit and the flat. Then Mark showed back up and I wanted to travel. We saw the world together. Anywhere we wanted to go. It should have been an amazing time.” You take a deep breath before continuing. “But I saw the Andes Mountains with a black eye. Strolled La Rambla with a broken arm."   
  
He wants to hold you. He wants to comfort you. But he lets you finish. He’s starting to get emotional, too, listening to you pour your heart out to him like you never had before. “He decided he wanted to do that fancy meditation shit in India, so I took it upon myself to buy him a one-way ticket to New Delhi. That’s how I got rid of him.”   
  
He grabbed your arms and pulled you into him, holding you tight and gently pushing your head to lay on his shoulder, playing with your hair. “I don’t know how anyone could ever make you feel like that, Y/N. I don’t know how anyone could ever want to hurt you.”   
  
“Well, he did a good job at it.” You wrap an arm around his waist and snuggle in closer. “I went back home after he got on the plane. I thought I would be better, but I only got worse. I was still trying to find that one thing I was missing.”   
  
He thinks back to the first real conversation the two of you had a week after you got here. “Love,” he whispered.   
  
“Loneliness is the worst feeling, you know? Especially when you have everything. You sit at home, you look around at everything you have, but there's no one to talk to. No one to share any of it with." You look up at him, tears still staining your face, and smile as you hold a hand up to his face. “But then I came here and from the very first day I knew I would never be alone again.”   
  
“No, you’re not alone, and you’ll never be alone as long as I can help it,” he said softly, returning your smile. You laid your head back on his shoulder and he started to play with your hair again, relaxing you, and the two of you sat in silence. Your breathing eventually got slower and you eventually drifted off to sleep. As you did, he whispered to you, hoping you would hear him, even if in your subconscious. “You deserve the world, Y/N. I want to be the one to give it to you.” 

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰  
You woke up the next morning on Roger and Brian’s sofa, covered in a blanket and a pillow under your head, hearing the two of them talking from one of the rooms in the back. “They said we can use the studio late at night, but we’re a couple hundred short of what we’ll need to cut the demos,” you heard Brian telling Roger.   
  
“Shouldn’t be that hard to get it,” you hear Roger reply as they make their way back up to the living room. “Fred and I can get that in about a week at the stall.”   
  
“Or I can give you the money and you pay me back by writing a song for me,” you tell them, surprising them because they didn’t know you were awake and listening to what they were saying. You started to giggle when you saw the looks on their faces. “It doesn’t have to be on the first album. I’ll wait for the second.” They were speechless. “Okay, third?” They still gave you no response. “Fourth. That’s my final offer.”   
  
They look at each other and smile big cheesy smiles before turning back to look at you. “Really?” Brian asks. “You’d do that for us?”   
  
You look at them with an unamused look. “After everything you guys have done for me, it’s high time I repay you however I can.” Roger opens his mouth to talk but you stop him. “Shush. I insist. Let me do this.”   
  
“Did you just ‘shush’ me, Y/L/N?” he jokingly asks.   
  
You stand up and walk over to them. “Yes I did, Taylor, now are you taking my money or not?”   
  
“We’ll have to talk to Fred,” Brian says. “If he says…”   
  
“No!” you yell. “Do not tell him. He won’t agree to it. I tried to give him money the other day to buy a jacket he was looking at when we were shopping and he wouldn’t take it. There’s no way he’s going to take it for this.” They both looked back to each other and shrugged. “Good. It’s time you start listening to me.” You start heading for the door but turn back around. “Thanks for letting me crash on the sofa last night.”   
  
“Anything for our Princess,” Brian chuckles.   
  
“I think she should be promoted to our queen,” Roger jokes.   
  
“Hmm,” you say as you tap a finger to your lips. “That’s a great name for a band.” The three of you start to laugh before you bid them goodbye and head back to your flat.   
  
Brian looks at Roger who is smiling to himself. “She’s a good one, Rog.”   
  
“She’s pretty great.”   
  
“Are you ever going to tell her how you feel?” Brian asks with a raised brow. Roger looks puzzled and Brian starts laughing. “Your ego makes your head too big to fit through the door sometimes, but you’re scared to tell her, aren’t you?”   
  
“What if she doesn’t…” Roger stops himself, looking to Brian for reassurance. “What if she doesn’t feel the same way about me?” He starts to laugh. “My ego couldn’t handle the rejection.”   
  
Brian gives Roger a friendly slap on the back. “Well look at this. The teacher needs advice from the grasshopper,” he says, humored by the fact that it was Roger feeling nervous about a female this time. “She feels the same, Rog. Tell her.”

 


	9. Bright Green

You had a sudden bout of energy today. It wasn’t even noon and you finished the work around the house you wanted to get done for the entire week. The new curtains were hung, the new rugs were laid, and the place was starting to look more like you wanted it to. After the fiasco your birthday evening turned in to a couple of weeks ago, you decided to take some time to yourself. Of course, the guys were still around constantly, as were their girlfriends, and you did spend time with them, but you needed to rejuvenate yourself, and that included some retail therapy. You had a new attitude, new outlook, new clothes, and now new home décor. You managed to finally rid yourself of the ghost of Mark that constantly haunted you, which finally made you feel fully free. You’re certain that he’d still be sniffing around had John not decked him, and for that you are eternally grateful. You never asked for details of what transpired that night they all followed Mark outside – you didn’t need them. You just know that they took care of the problem, and you were forever in their debt.   
  
As you were standing in the middle of the living room, appreciating the new look, someone started to open the door. You thought it was Freddie so when you heard the door open you didn't bother to turn around. "What do you think of these curtains? I think they fit great with the rugs."   
  
"Umm... they're nice?" You spin around and see Roger standing there, holding flowers in one hand and a white box in the other and a huge smile on his face. You haven’t spent much one on one time with him since the night of your birthday. There was nothing wrong. They were busy with the band and you weren’t going to interfere. You’d see each other, of course, but by the time you’d finally get alone together, all you’d do was fall asleep – and that was okay with you. Any time spent with him was perfect.   
  
"Hey! I wasn't expecting you." You hurry over to him, beaming, smiling as wide as you could. "I thought it was Freddie." He hands you the flowers, another bouquet of sunflowers, and opens the box before presenting it to you.   
  
"Oooh, macarons! My favorite!" You grab one and hold it up to his mouth for him to take a bite before you the same. "Mmm, these are sweet, but not as sweet as you," you tell him as you tap him on the nose and walk to the kitchen to get a vase for the flowers. “What’s all this for?”   
  
He follows and leans against the wall, amused as he’s watches you struggle to get a vase from the top cabinet. “Can’t a guy bring his favorite girl flowers and sweets without there being an ulterior motive?” he facetiously asks as he watches you with a grin.   
  
“Your favorite girl, huh?” you chuff. “If I didn’t think there was an ulterior motive before, I do now,” you giggle as you keep trying to reach the vase.   
  
He starts tapping his fingers on the wall, trying to decide if he wants to keep you struggling for his entertainment or not. "I just saw Fred and he said to tell you that he won't be home to go to lunch because you have other plans."   
  
You’re frustrated because you can’t reach the vase, so you turn around with your hands on your hips. "You mean he has other plans. And dammit, Roger, can you help me out?"   
  
He chuckles before reaching over your head to grab it. "No, I mean you have other plans." You watch him curiously as he starts going through everything in the refrigerator, pulling out a few things and placing them on the counter. He grabs two bottles of wine from the rack. "Which one is better?" You point to the one on the left, and he turns to dig around some more.   
  
"Hey Rog?" he doesn’t answer. "Roger?" He was concentrating too hard on whatever he was doing to hear you calling his name. "ROGER!"   
  
"What's wrong?" he answers, startled by your yelling.   
  
“What are you doing? Are you hungry or something?"   
  
"No, no... Do you have something we can put all of this in?" He reaches to the cabinet above him and pulls out two wine glasses. "I'm taking you somewhere.”   
  
You walked out of the kitchen, saying nothing. He didn't know if you were mad, or sad, or happy. He stood there, perplexed, before you walked back in with a basket. "Will this do?"   
  
"Perfect." He kisses you on the cheek and loads his findings in the basket and goes back to ignoring you as he walks into your bedroom and starts looking in your closet. You follow him slowly and raise an eyebrow as you stand behind him. He turned around, startled by you glaring at him. “Blankets. We need blankets.” You point to the top of the closet, your face not changing. He grabs two and turns around, and you’re still standing so close that he bumps into you. He starts to chuckle at your unamused look and pats you on top of your head. “You’re cute when you’re frustrated.”   
  
You swat his hand away and giggle. “Where are you taking me?”   
  
“It’s a surprise. Get dressed,” he says as he starts to walk out of the room.   
  
“How can I get dressed when I don’t know where I’m going?”   
  
He starts to laugh. “Blankets? A basket of food? A bottle of wine? Clearly I’m taking you to a movie.” You start to laugh as you nudge him out the door. “You’re such a numpty.” You flip him off as you push him out the door. “Can’t I watch?” he hoots from the other side.   
  
“No,” you laugh back. “Fuck off.” You hurry and throw on some jeans and a t-shirt and brush your hair before going out into the living room where he’s pacing back and forth mumbling to himself. “Sometimes the best conversations you can have are with yourself,” you snicker, snapping him out of his zone. “Are you nervous about something?” You’re giggling, and he starts to get embarrassed. “Come here, silly.” He walks over to you and you lace your fingers through the belt loops on his jeans. He lays his arms over your shoulders, bends down and gives you a quick kiss and smiles. His eyes make you melt every time you look in them.   
  
“Ready to go?” he asks. You smile and shake your head. “Which movie do you want to go see?” You both start laughing as you playfully slap him. He grabs the basket, you grab the blankets, and you both head out the door.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰   
He’s sitting with his legs stretched out, leaning against the tree you picked out to sit under and you’re lying on your back with your head on his lap. For the past hour the two of you have been telling stories, cracking jokes and laughing harder than you have in a long time. You started asking each other random questions – some serious, most funny – and were reminiscing about the first time you met 8 months ago. Everything was funny – you were almost finished with the bottle of wine.   
  
“Fred tried so hard to keep me away from you,” Roger said as he lit his cigarette. “I mean from the second he told me about you moving in, before I even saw you the first thing he told me was ‘I will not let you corrupt her.’” His imitation was priceless, and you were laughing hysterically. “If only he knew how naughty his Princess was.” He winked and chuckled while you kept laughing.   
  
“Hey,” you said firmly. “I did what I had to do to let you know that you weren’t going to be the one in charge.” He raised an eyebrow, curious about what you were saying, and you raised an eyebrow in return. “Oh, please, Rog, like you’re whole ‘I could never just have sex with you forget you exist the next day’ crap that wasn’t just to get me in bed.”   
  
He smirked sneakily, trying hard to mask the laugh that was boiling up. “Maybe?” You slapped his arm, pretending to be offended. “I would have never done that to you, but fuck, Y/N. I wanted you so bad I would have done anything…” He can’t help but start laughing with you. “You didn’t make it easy, so I didn’t know what to do! Especially since I thought you hated me.”   
  
“Aww,” you chuckle. “How can anyone hate those eyes?”   
  
He tapped on your forehead with one of his fingers. “Don’t act so innocent in all of this, doll,” he chuckles. “You enjoyed making me absolutely mad.”   
  
You smirk, thinking back to the whole cat and mouse game the two of you played with each other before you finally caught each other. “Probably.”   
  
“You don’t understand,” he started to explain. “I never met anyone like you before. You’re so different from the slags around here. I knew it from the very first time I saw you.”   
  
“Why? Because I didn’t throw myself at you?” you snickered.   
  
He leaned his head back against the tree and took a deep breath before exhaling loudly and playing with your hair. “Partly, yeah. I don’t know what, exactly. You had such a different vibe. You weren’t ever trying to be someone you’re not to impress people. And your accent…” he drifted off as you looked up at him. “It did things to me then and it still does today.”   
  
You roll your eyes at his smirking. “I don’t know how anyone can find this accent sexy. You should hear a bunch of us speaking with it at the same time. You’ll change your mind quickly.”   
  
“Do you miss home?” he asks.   
  
“I am home. Nowhere else ever felt like it. I didn’t know what home even meant before I came here.”   
  
“If you were to go back to America tomorrow, what’s the first place you’d want to go?”   
  
“The mountains,” you say without hesitation. “I don’t even care which mountains. Any of them will do. Camping. I miss camping.”   
  
He let out a hearty laugh. “Camping? In the woods? You don’t seem the type for camping.”   
  
“Yes, camping,” you giggle as you sit up and face him. “It’s the epitome of freedom. No one bothering you, complete and total serenity.” He gives you an unconvinced look. “Oh, city boy, you have no idea what you’re missing.”   
  
“Bugs,” he chuffs as he starts poking you, making you laugh and slap at his hands. “That’s what I’m missing. Bugs and other assorted critters.”   
  
“And campfires at night,” you continue. “The stars. The fresh air.” He still looks unconvinced. “One day, Taylor. One day I’ll get you out there in a tent. Then you’ll see.”   
  
“Yeah,” he chortles. “I can see myself out there in a tent.” You both start to laugh at the thought.   
  
“There’s this one place, in Virginia, in the Appalachians. I was there once with my mom. We sat outside one morning to watch the sunrise. The sky was so open you could see the exact point where night and day meet.” You sit up and sit next to him, laying your head on his shoulder. “Stars to the left and the sunlight to the right. It was magical. I’d love to see that again. It was like time just stopped…” Your voice trailed off as you remembered how it looked.   
  
He starts to play with your hair again and lifts your head so he can stare deep into your eyes. “I wish time would stop when I’m with you, so I could keep this feeling forever.” You smile softly, and it was as if time really did stop at that very moment. The entire world ceased to exist. It was just the two of you on the entire planet – in the entire universe. He bent down so you could meet each other’s lips and kissed you tenderly.   
  
“I’ve done so many things wrong, and I’m sure there will be many more things I do wrong, but being with you isn’t one of them,” you say quietly as you reach up to touch his face.   
  
“You blew into my life like a monsoon, Y/N, and now I can’t imagine my life without you in it.” As he leans over to kiss you again, the sounds of some kids who suddenly appeared, laughing and playing right next to you, draws the two of you out of your shared trance. “Do you want any of those?”   
  
“Maybe one day. Not anytime soon,” you tell him as you sit up and lean against him. “There’s too much I want to do first. Never really thought about kids.”   
  
“Yeah, I need to conquer the world first before thinking about all of that.” He gave you a half grin before leaning back against the tree you were sitting under and sighing.   
  
You watch him as he starts to watch the kids playing with a small smile across his lips, clearly enjoying their laughter. “Three,” you blurt out, causing him to turn and look at you, confused. “Two boys and a girl. Jacob, William and Claire.” He started to smirk. “And a nice house in the country with a yard they can run and play in.”   
  
His smirk grew. “Never really thought about it, huh?”   
  
“Nope,” you smirk back before standing up to stretch with your back turned to him.   
  
He stands up behind you and wraps his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder, slowly swaying you both back and forth. “A swimming pool in the back garden,” he said lowly in your ear. “A dog or two, maybe even a cat.”   
  
You lean your head over to rest gently on his. “Lots of flowers, all different colors,” you whisper as you close your eyes.   
  
“And sunflowers, of course.” He turns you around to face him. “I’ll buy you a whole field of them if that’s what you want,” he sighs as he grips you tighter. “We’ll put the house right in the middle of them.”   
  
The expression on your face turns almost sorrowful. He notices, of course, and searches your eyes for an answer as to what’s wrong. “I have so much baggage, Roger,” you whisper.   
  
“Then let me help you carry it,” he says as he smiles softly and gently caresses your face with his hand. “I would do anything for you.” Happy tears start to fall down your cheeks as you grin, having never felt like you do in this very moment, but you know exactly what it is. “Let’s conquer the world together, Y/N.”   
  
You hold his face in both of your hands, smiling. “There’s no one else I’d rather conquer the world with.”   
  
“I love you, Y/N,” he tells you, surprising you – and himself – your face turning completely shell shocked. He starts to stumble with his words, thinking he shouldn’t have said anything and nervous that you don’t share the feelings he has, despite everything you’ve just told him. “I… I… fuck I’m sorry!” He starts to back away, feeling dejected.   
  
You rush your body to his, wrap your arms around him and he loses his balance, falling back, and you land on top of him, both of you laughing hysterically. You lean down and kiss him, still laughing, unable to control it. “You love me?” you ask, giddily and wanting to make sure you heard him correctly.   
  
“Yeah,” he beams. “I love you.”   
  
“Good,” you say with a leer before a quick kiss. He sits up, you still straddling him as you wrap your arms around his neck. “I love you, too.”   
  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰   
When you get back to the flat, you lean against the door before going inside. He leans down to get his mouth gets close to yours, but you put a finger over his lips. "Not yet," you whisper with seduction in your tone and in the smile you give as you bite your bottom lip and hand him the key. He leans in close, his body lingering over yours, and opens the door.   
  
You slowly move inside, you walking backwards, and as soon as he kicks the door shut, he leans down and kisses you with the passion of a million burning suns. The anticipation of what was to come is aching every fiber in your bodies. You’ve done this with him before, many times, but this time it was different. You step back as Roger takes off his jacket, throwing it over a chair, before grabbing his hand and leading him into your bedroom. Once inside, he gently closes the door and takes in every inch of the goddess standing before him. "You... From the second I saw you, Y/N... Before I ever met you... It's been you."   
  
"I'm yours, Roger. All of me."   
  
You move in close, his hand gently under your chin and he lifts your mouth up to meet his. Your tongues entwine, the kiss growing more and more heavy. You break apart only so you can undress each other. Your eyes said all that needed to be said. You kiss again as you move to the bed and lay down, his body on top of yours. He grabs hold of your hips, molding your bodies together, chest to chest. "You're so beautiful it almost hurts to look at you," he whispers as he props himself up on his arms on both sides, cupping your face with his hands. You drink in the moment, staring deeply into each other’s eyes. He leans down and kisses you some more as his hands start exploring your body like it’s unexplored territory.   
  
When he touches your breasts, you let out a tiny gasp, and he responds in turn at the feeling of your fingernails gently running up and down his back. You move a hand in between your bodies, finding his erection, and rub it gently. "Mmm, you keep doing that and I won't last very long," he says with a smile before he moves down, just out of your reach.   
  
"That's not fair," you snicker. He winks and goes back to kissing you all over your body. Your neck, your collarbone, down to your breasts. Your moans encourage him to continue, his hand moving lower to explore the world below your waist while his mouth continued to travel slowly behind. Once his hand finds your essence, you can't help but moan louder. "Oh..." He looks up into your pleading eyes, searching for what you want him to do next, but you couldn't answer with words, only your reactions. His fingers graze gently over your clit, and the sudden shudder of your body lets him know exactly where to go. His eyes never leave yours as he slowly and softly kisses a trail from your stomach down to your mound. He pulls his head back, wanting to watch as he guides one finger, then two, inside of you. "Oh my god..."   
  
He continues to gently toy with you enjoying your moans and movements. "Does this feel good, baby?" he asks, already knowing the answer, but wanting to hear it.   
  
"Yes," you struggle to answer. "It feels good."   
  
Suddenly he pulls his fingers out and tastes them. "You taste delicious. I'm going to have more of you now. Is that okay?" Again, he already knows the answer.   
  
"Yes, Roger. Please..."   
  
He slowly lowers his mouth to your folds, letting you feel the warmth of his breath on the lips, before having his tongue discover more. He stares up at you, finding encouragement in your expressions. You stare down at him, finding pleasure in seeing him enjoy what he was tasting. You reach down, grab some of his hair and push him closer. He moves his tongue into you, thrusting it in and out before focusing his tongue's attention on your clit, sucking and nibbling as he pushes his fingers back inside. You let out a moan, releasing all inhibitions, arching your back, pushing yourself into his mouth and hand. As you crashed back onto the bed, you struggle to catch your breath as you look back down to meet Roger’s gaze. His tongue travels up your slit one last time as he smirks, pleased with what he had just done. "Good girl," he whispers as he moves his body up to meet yours. He meets your mouth with his and kisses you passionately, your breath still short from the explosive orgasm you just experienced.   
  
He rubs his hands up and down your body as your tongues circled, the slight callousness of his fingertips intoxicating you. Your reach down and take hold of his shaft, rubbing gently up and down. "I want to feel you inside me," you whispered in Roger's ear, begging.   
  
He kisses a trail down your neck to your breasts. He glances up and simpered, teasing, enjoying the fact that the focus today is on you and you alone. "Soon, doll." He licked over your nipple. "Soon..." He once again moved his body, so you would lose your grip. You let out a frustrated groan, but quickly went back to enjoying the sensation of Roger taking care of your every want and need. He moves back up to your mouth, kissing you once again, softly. "I love you," he whispers, as you stare into each other's eyes.   
  
"I love you."   
  
He goes back to memorizing every inch of your body with soft, gentle kisses, his hands reaching the areas his mouth could not. He massages the inside of your thigh as his mouth works on your nipples some more, eliciting tender moans from your lips. You run your fingers through his hair, willing where his next move would be. You push his head up, nudging him to meet back with your lips. "Tell me what you want, baby. Tell me." He pleads with you, wanting only to satisfy your every wish.   
  
"I want you. All of you. Now." Understanding the desperation in your tone, he guides his arousal inside of you. The two of you moan in unison, holding your shared gaze, as he fills you with his love. "Don't stop looking at me," you command.   
  
"I couldn't even if I wanted to.” He slowly moves inside of you, wanting to take his time, savoring every second. Your bodies move in perfect unison, feeling the pulsation with every motion. With each moan that purrs from your lips, he probes deeper, picking up a little speed along the way, the intensity building with each thrust.   
  
His cock was bulging inside of your saturated flower. Your fingernails dig deep into his back as you plead with him. "Don't stop, Roger. Just like that." Your gasps get louder, and he feels himself melting with each one. "You feel so good inside me."   
  
"Fuck, baby, I don't know how much longer I can go." He’s reaching his peak, but he doesn't want to finish until he knows you’re ready. "Tell me what you need," never taking his eyes off yours.   
  
"Go faster," you beg. "Faster..." He quickens his thrust, both of feeling a sense of urgency. You grip his back and shout out, "yes, Roger. Yes!"   
  
The feverous speed suddenly comes to a halt as he pushes and holds himself inside as far as he could, both of you reaching your climax at the same time. He falls towards you, your bodies once again becoming one, satisfied and quenched. He leans down and kisses you deeply as your hands press to his chest. He moves back, staring adoringly at you and playfully asks, “is this the first phase of our world conquest?”   
  
You giggle. “Absolutely.”   
  
He rolls over and lays next to you, wrapping an arm around you, while you turn on your side and snuggle against him, laying your head on his chest and wrapping an arm around his waist. He kisses the top of your head (you get those elusive butterflies every single time) and plays with the back of your hair. He holds you closer, you squeeze him tighter. There was nothing that could bring the two of you down from your euphoric high. You soon doze off, he feeling the comfort he didn’t know he longed for and you feeling safe wrapped in his arms.   
  
You were awakened by a soft knock on the door. "Ugh..." you groan as you roll over to see what time it is. It’s only 6:30 so you know you hadn't been asleep that long. The knocking starts again.   
  
"Y/N? You in there?" Freddie loudly whispers.   
  
“Of course I am, Freddie, where else would I be?" You tried to mask the frustration in your voice.   
  
"Did I wake you?"   
  
"Yeah, you did. What do you want?"   
  
"Well..." he pauses. "Do you, uh, know where the, uh, Parmesan cheese is?"   
  
"We don't have any. Why do you need Parmesan cheese?"   
  
"Oh, it's not for me. It's for John."   
  
"Tell John to get his own fucking cheese."   
  
Almost immediately after you hear Freddie walk away, there’s another knock. "Hey, Y/N?" This time it wasn't Freddie.   
  
"What, Brian?"   
  
"Didn’t you have some grapes yesterday? Are they all gone?"   
  
"Yes, I ate them."   
  
You roll back over and snuggle back up against Roger, who’s finding all of this quite amusing. "I want to fucking kill them," you whisper, trying to contain your laughter.   
  
Just as you get comfortable, there’s another knock on the door. "Hey, Y/N?"   
  
"What, Freddie?" you ask with apparent irritation in your voice.   
  
"We're almost out of toothpaste."   
  
"I'll get some tomorrow. Now fuck off."   
  
Roger starts to shake with a silent laugh. "Is he always like this?" he whispers, trying to keep his presence a secret.   
  
"You mean annoying? Yes. He’s always annoying." As soon as you finished your statement, there’s another knock.   
  
"Hey Y/N?" This time it was John, who wasn't doing a good job hiding his amusement.   
  
"For fuck's sake, WHAT?"   
  
"Tell Rog we have pizza and beer out here if you two want any." He bursts out in laughter and walks away.   
  
You bury your face against Roger’s chest, mortified, but laughing. "It’s not like they didn’t know we… you know," he says.   
  
"How did they..." you start to question how they knew he was in there. "Your jacket! You left it on the chair."   
  
"Oops," he chuckles. “You want pizza?" he asks. You sit up and rub you face. "I want pizza.”   
  
Sighing, wanting to stay in bed instead, you pick up his shirt on from the floor ground and put it on before walking over to the dresser to grab a pair of shorts. You looked over to him as he was pulling up his pants and pointing at his shirt.   
  
"Oh, whatever, they know what we were doing in here so what's the big deal." You pull the now-messed up ponytail down and start to brush your hair as he was waiting for you to give him his shirt back. "Nope, it's mine now. It's comfortable."   
  
He grabbed at the shirt and pulled you close, kissing you sweetly, and grabbed your ass. "I'll just have to get you out of it later then, won't I?" He winks.   
  
There’s a pounding on the door and Freddie starts yelling. “Rog, come on! We have to go meet with the label!” You and Roger give each other a confused look before he flings the door open. Freddie, Brian and John are all standing there with massive smiles. “Oh, did we not tell you? Trident wants to talk about signing us. Give him his shirt back, Princess. We need to take him for a little while. We’ll give him back soon.”   
  
—   
“Sit still,” Mary giggles. “I’m almost finished.” She’s sitting at the dining table with Jane, trying to apply eyeliner. You had the girls over at the flat getting ready for tonight’s show. The guys were already at the venue setting up and none of you had seen them all day. They’ve been busy, having signed their new contract and spending most of their time rehearsing or recording at ridiculous hours.   
  
“I’m sure I must look a sight,” Jane laughs. “This is ridiculous.”   
  
“It actually looks really good,” you tell her as you sit across the table. “Very becoming.” You like this version of Jane. She may have become friendly to you because of he-who-doesn’t-need-to-be-named-ever-again, but you don’t care. You’ll take it. “Brian’s going to love it.” You smile at her, and she smiles back meaningfully, and the two of you share unspoken apologies. You quickly stand up from the table. “I have an outfit that would look amazing on you.”   
  
Gemma walks in the front door carrying an overnight bag. “I didn’t know what to wear so I brought four things. You’re going to have to help me choose.”   
  
“I haven’t done this since I was 15,” Mary says. “This is fun. Girl time.”   
  
“I never did this before,” you tell them. “Aren’t we supposed to gossip and talk about boys?” You pour everyone a glass of wine and settle in.   
  
“I’ll go first!” Gemma exclaims. “Y/N. I need to know. Is Roger good in bed?” You start screaming with laughter, as does Mary and Jane. “Oh, come on,” she tells the other two. “Don’t say you never wondered.”   
  
You all notice Jane starting to blush and stifling a laugh. “Okay, I’ll admit it. I’ve always been curious.” She covers her face and screams. “It’s just… he seems so…”   
  
“Animalistic.” You all look at Mary who was not embarrassed at all by what she said. She shrugs and grins. “He does.”   
  
You start to giggle. “Well… he does know what he’s doing, I’ll just say that.”   
  
“Brian and I went out with them one night,” Jane tells them. “Don’t let this one make you think she’s timid because she’s just as animalistic as he is.” Your eyes get big as she talks. “You should have seen them. It was turning me on and I’m a fucking prude.”   
  
“Surely, you’re not a prude, Jane,” Gemma tells her. “I have it on good authority that the wariest, most shy people really have it in them to just let it alllll out.”   
  
“Maybe I would, but Brian really isn’t the type,” she says. “Don’t get me wrong, he is good,” she sighs. “It’s just that he’s not… aggressive.” You can feel your cheeks start to fluster with heat, because the way you remember it, he’s quite aggressive.   
  
“So make him aggressive,” Mary pipes up. “Take control.”   
  
“Oh, I don’t know if I can’t do that,” Jane says shyly.   
  
“Sure you can. I got John to…” Gemma starts to giggle as she stops herself.   
  
“Have a go when you’re in the middle of bickering about something,” you tell her. They all turn to look at you, Mary’s face shocked because she knows your secret. “Get him when he’s mad. It’ll be aggressive.”   
  
“Angry sex is pretty amazing,” Mary tells Jane. “It’s raw and…”   
  
“… kind of rough,” you interrupt. “But, Wow.” You all start to laugh. “Or maybe… we can get you in that outfit I’m thinking about, yeah?” You grab Jane’s hand and bring her in your room.   
  
“Y/N?” She starts when the door closes. “Can I wear that red dress?” You look at her, confused. “That dress is sexy, and…” She sighs and plops down on your bed. “Do you think I can pull it off?” You smile and go to get it out of the closet. “Things with him are just so bland right now,” she tells you. “I don’t know what it is. I mean, we have sex but it’s like his mind is somewhere else.” You take a gulp, hoping she doesn’t sense your complete discomfort with this whole conversation. “I want to spice it up a bit, you know?”   
  
You turn and face her, red dress in hand. You know how Brian feels about that dress – that color – on you. You know you should probably talk her into wearing something else, but you don’t. You’re not sure why you don’t, but you don’t. “Yeah, I know,” you smile. “This will be stunning on you.” When she looks at it, she hesitates. “Put it on and try it. Show some skin,” you chuckle.   
  
“What about you? What are you wearing?” she asks as she changes, and you sift through your clothes. “Not that it matters. Roger’s crazy about you no matter what you wear,” she says, with a minor tinge of jealousy.   
  
“Hey, Bri’s pretty crazy about you, too,” you tell her, “and you are going to blow his mind tonight. You look absolutely beautiful, Jane!” She turns to look in the mirror, taking in her makeup and outfit and a smile starts to slowly come across her lips. You reach on your dresser and pick up a long, gold necklace and hook it around her. “Perfect.”   
  
She turns to you and gives you a hug. “How can you even stand looking at me after the way I’ve treated you?”   
  
“Probably the same way you can stand looking at me.” You both laugh as you walk back to your closet to find something for yourself. The guilt of knowing what you did with Brian was starting to poke at you every single time she opened her mouth and you had to figure out a way to stop it, but she keeps talking and asking questions.   
  
“How do you keep Roger interested? It seems so effortless for you,” she moans.   
  
“Oh, honey, Roger and I are… well, it’s all still kind of new for us. I’m sure eventually we’ll…”   
  
“No you won’t. He’s so…” She stops. “There’s just something about you, Y/N. They all flock to you. Why?” You give her a curious look, not sure what she’s trying to say. “I probably shouldn’t even tell you this, but I will.” She takes a deep breath before she spits it out. “One night, Brian and I were, you know… and he was so into it, like he never had been before. Doing all these things he never did. It was so good… and then he said… your name.” Your heart sank. He told you about it before, the night he took you to see Saturn, and having this conversation with Jane was extremely awkward. “You’re gorgeous, so it’s not hard to see why he finds you attractive.”   
  
“Jane, listen to me. It has nothing to do with me.” You start to chuckle, trying to stop her from keeping this conversation going in the direction it’s headed. “Don’t you think about other people sometimes? When you’re in bed with him?” Her face drops. “Oh, come on, we all do it.”   
  
She starts to blush and flashes an embarrassed smile. “Yeah, I have. Only once. It was…” She looks at you as if to ask if it’s okay to proceed, and you let her know that her secret is safe with you. “That night we all went out to the club, us and the guys.” She shook her head. “No, this is too embarrassing.”   
  
“Hey, it’s okay. If you don’t want to talk…”   
  
“Roger. It was Roger.” You were surprised. “The way he was looking at you, touching you, dancing with you. No one ever acted like that with me. And all I could think about was how I wished Brian would act like that with me, like I was completely irresistible. I was so jealous of you, Y/N. It was like you weren’t even trying to get him to act like that.”   
  
You had to laugh. “Honestly? I was.” She was intrigued. “I wore that dress with a purpose,” you wink, “just like you’re going to wear it with one tonight.” You turn her to face back to the mirror. “You are going to show off those knockers, and seduce the hell out of Brian tonight, you hear me?” She looks so confused right now. “We are going to stand in front of that stage tonight, not off to the side. You are going to flirt your ass off. Play with the necklace,” you say as you put her hand on it right between her cleavage. “Look up at him and bite your lip. Do not take your eyes off him.” She’s laughing nervously. “You are a knockout, Jane. There’s no way this night is going to end without your boyfriend begging you for…” She started to blush again. “You know what I mean.”   
  
“You think this will work?”   
  
“Observe the master,” you giggle. “Watch how I handle Roger when we get there.” She starts to look at herself in the mirror again, her smile beaming. “One look at you and Brian will be putty in your hands.”   
  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰   
The four of you walked in like you owned the place, all dressed up ready to see your men. You sneak your way through the crowd that has gathered at the back of the venue and walk through the door. The crowds were getting bigger now, and you all knew they would just continue to grow. You were proud of the guys. You lean over to Jane and whisper in her ear. “Remember. Putty. Don’t be too forward. Tease him a bit.” You wink and walk over to sneak up on Roger.   
  
He quickly turns before you can grab him. “You can’t startle me, babe. I feel a tingle whenever you’re around.” He wraps his arms around you and gives you a kiss. “You’re looking quite delicious,” he growls in your ear before you pull away.   
  
“None of that,” you smirk as you move his hands from your hips. “Getting worked up now won’t help you when you’re out there.” You turn to walk away but he pulls you back. “Roger,” you giggle as you move his hands again, “you have to focus.”   
  
“I am focused,” he laughs. “I also haven’t seen you all day and I’m quite hungry.” He nibbles your bottom lip as his eyes move to look behind you. “Who is that with Brian?” He squints his eyes to get a better look and his mouth drops open. “Is that Jane? Holy hell, I didn’t recognize her.”   
  
“Yeah, that’s our Jane.” You were beaming with pride, quite pleased with the transformation you and Mary had accomplished. “Doesn’t she look great?” He pulls you closer to him, close enough to where your thigh rubs against his crotch so you can feel his hardness underneath his pants. “Calm down, tiger. You have a show in…” you glance at your watch “… 10 minutes.”   
  
He moves back a couple of steps and puts on a fake pout. “Oh, alright then,” he groans. “Guess I better go finish setting up.” He leans down and gives you a quick peck before heading off.   
  
“Come on, Y/N,” you hear Gemma calling you. “We’re going up front.”   
  
“I’ll be there in a few,” you tell her. “Save me a spot. Need to go to the restroom first.” The girls all giggle at you and your blatant American-ness sometimes. “Stop laughing at me. I will never start calling it ‘the loo.’”   
  
When you walk out, everyone is gone except for Brian, who is sitting down, quietly making sure his guitar is tuned. Without even looking up, he starts to talk. “Did you do this for her or for me?”   
  
“I’m not sure what you’re…”   
  
“Dressing her up like that. In your dress. Was that for her benefit or mine?” You look at him with a raised eyebrow and he finally looks up at you, smirking as he stands up.   
  
You clear your throat of the lump that has suddenly formed before answering. “She asked to wear it.” You can tell by the look he’s giving you that he thinks there’s more to it than just that, and he’s not going to let you get away with that simple explanation. You start to run your thumbnail between your fingers. “It was all for her benefit.”   
  
He starts to chuckle and points down at your hand. “You’re lying.”   
  
You hurry and move your hands behind your back and start to laugh. “Hush. She asked to wear it, so I let her. She looks great tonight, doesn’t she?”   
  
He moves closer to you, not awkwardly close but close enough to let you hear when he whispers. “You know how much I love that dress, Y/N.”   
  
You look up to his eyes that are sparkling in the light. “She wanted to wear that dress for you, Brian.”   
  
He chuffed softly. “Either way, thanks.” He brushes past you, not taking his eyes off you, still smirking. “You seem to be feeling bright green tonight,” he says, and walks off to get to the stage.   
  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰  
The next morning – okay, afternoon – you wake up feeling like you just got plowed over by a huge truck. You look over to your left and see Roger still sleeping. You don’t want to move. Your entire body is aching, and it feels much better to just lay there. Roger feels you stirring and rolls over, grabbing you and pulling you close. “Good morning, babe,” he grunts.   
  
“It’s 2:00. Afternoon,” you giggle. “What did we even do last night? I feel rough.”   
  
He starts chuckling. “Everything.” He starts to kiss the back of your neck. “We did everything.” The phone starts to ring in the living room, causing you both to moan with displeasure. When you start to get up he pulls you back. “Fuck it. Let it ring.”   
  
So that’s what you do – let it ring. And ring. And ring. “Whoever it is won’t give up until I answer,” you groan, standing up and throwing on your robe. “I’ll make some coffee while I’m up.” You look at him as he’s sits up in the bed, smiling at you, and you can’t help but pause and smile back adoringly. “You’re so adorable,” you pick at him as he shakes out his hair.   
  
“I know,” he jokingly quips. “You’re lucky to have me.” The phone finally stops ringing and he pats the bed next to him. “Come back. Don’t leave me,” he whines teasingly.   
  
“I’m going shower,” you mumble. “Come with me.” You don’t have to work hard at convincing him. He jumps up out of bed and slips on his pants, unbuttoned, and holds you from behind as you go walk out the door, both of you giggling and unable to keep your hands off each other.   
  
When you open the door, you’re greeted by Freddie, standing there with his hand up like he was about to knock. “For fuck’s sake, can’t you two stop for five minutes,” he sneers. “Jane’s on the phone. She can’t find Brian.”   
  
“We don’t know where he is,” Roger quips.   
  
You move Roger’s hands from your waist and hurry to the phone. “Hey Jane. What’s going on?”   
  
Her voice is angry and rushed. “Where is he?” she seethed. “I know you know where he is.”   
  
“Slow down. Let’s try to figure this out,” you say, trying to calm her down. “There’s a reasonable explanation…”   
  
“Don’t patronize me, Y/N,” she sneered. “Where is he??”   
  
Your tone starts to get defensive. “Jane, I don’t know…”   
  
“He did it again!” she yelled.   
  
“Did what again?” you have no idea what she’s talking about.   
  
She started to cry. “I’m sorry. This isn’t your fault.”   
  
“Let me shower and I’ll come over,” you tell her before looking up and seeing Brian standing there with his finger over his lips. “It’ll be okay.”   
  
She sighs and is apologetic. “No, I’ll be fine. I’m not feeling well. I’m probably overreacting.” You hear her sniffling. “I’m sorry. I needed to lash out at someone. I’ll be fine.” The phone clicks and the line goes silent.   
  
“I fucked up,” Brian mumbles and sits next to you. Freddie and Roger walk over, and Mary comes out of the kitchen. “I try so hard to make her happy and I always end up fucking it up.”   
  
You rub a hand on Brian’s back. “I’m sure whatever happened wasn’t that bad.”   
  
Mary starts to giggle. “If it was, she wouldn’t be looking for you.” She sits on the other side of him and rubs his arm.   
  
“I’ll go shower and go over there to see if I can help…” you start to say but are quickly interrupted.   
  
“No!” Brian yells as he stands up. “You’ve already helped enough!” He storms out and goes to his flat.   
  
Freddie glares at you. “What did you do?” You and Mary glare back at Freddie. “Y/N…” He never calls you by your actual name, so you can tell he’s upset with you, but he has no reason to be, as far as you’re concerned. Roger, on the other hand, gets an uncomfortable feeling thinking back to last night and walks out of the room, into your bedroom, and closes the door.   
  
You slowly stand up, still glaring at Freddie and talk quietly, teeth gritted together. “I’m not responsible for any issues Brian and Jane have, Fred.”   
  
He relaxes his glare into an easy look and puts a hand on your shoulder. “You’re either blind, stupid or in denial, and I know you’re not stupid or blind, Princess.”   
  
“Fuck,” you whisper, your glare also easing. “The dress…”   
  
“Yes, the fucking dress,” he interrupts. “What were you thinking?”   
  
“I was thinking…” you try to reply. “I wasn’t thinking.” You sigh. “I need to talk to Rog.” You walk away, hurriedly, and go into your room.   
  
He’s sitting on the bed with an expression on his face that you can’t quite read. When you walk in, he looks at you and smiles and beckons for you to sit next to him. “I love you,” he says softly as he looks into your eyes. “You did nothing wrong, you know.” You sigh and smile back, feeling relieved that he’s not upset with you. “If Bri can’t control himself, that’s not your fault.” He starts to chuckle. “Now how about that shower?”   
  
You lean over and give him a soft but quick kiss. “Love you back,” you smile. “Let’s go.”   
  
When the two of you are finished, you go back to your room to get dressed. Roger hasn’t fully moved in yet, but he kept some clothes at yours just in case. You’re both extremely startled when you’re greeted by Brian standing by the window.   
  
“What the hell, mate?” Roger yells when you see him.   
  
Brian turns to face the both of you. “We need to talk. All of us.”

 


	10. Orange

You didn’t tell Brian how you really felt after it happened. You didn’t tell him about the pangs of guilt you were feeling, or how you regretted all of it. You were more concerned with making Brian feel better, making him forget his own guilt and regret, and you never had the chance to properly deal with yours. You coped with it the way you learned how to deal with every other instance of guilt and regret – you ignored it.   
  
You wanted to tell Roger about that day with you and Brian the second you saw him standing in your flat when he had come home from that trip. You knew keeping this from him would only come back to bite you in the ass, especially if things with the two of you progressed – which they did. The only reason you agreed to keep this from him was to make Brian feel better. You should have known better. Your entire life was spent making everyone else happy and it never did you any good. Finally, everything had fallen into place for you. Everything was perfect. You had a great support base, a wonderful guy you were head over heels in love with, no dramatic issues for once, and now this. Now Brian was standing in your bedroom, demanding that he, you and Roger talk. You were wondering why – why every single time things are going the way you want them to, something or someone must come and fuck it all up.   
  
“He needs to know, Y/N. And if he doesn’t hear it from us, he’s going to hear it from Jane, because I’m telling her when I go see her in a little while,” Brian tells you bluntly, with seemingly no regard for how you feel or what you want.   
  
Roger’s face is a mix of worry and confusion, and you glare at Brian, totally livid, while your stomach starts to churn with nervousness. “I need to know what?” Roger asked with a raised eyebrow, looking at Brian, then at you. “Someone needs to start talking.” He was getting angry. And since he was looking at you, you decided to just tell him without prolonging it, because the longer you did, the worse it was going to be.   
  
“Brian and I… When you were gone, visiting your mom… we…” You couldn’t get it out. You were looking at the anger in his face and you just couldn’t say what you wanted to say. You looked over to Brian, who was standing there quietly, hoping he would pick up your slack, but he didn’t. You look back at Roger who was growing more and more angry by the second, which caused you to start crying. “It just…”   
  
“Happened? It just happened?” Roger yelled, seething. “You just _happened_ to fuck him?” You never saw him this angry before. He stands up and gets in Brian’s face. “And you? You just…” He grabs his clothes, pushes Brian to the side and storms out.   
  
You sit there, silent, as Brian stands there equally silent until you hear the front door slam. “Why, Brian?” you ask him, your voice completely monotone, your eyes not looking at him. “For once, my life is going where I want it to go, and you come in here and fuck it all up. Why?”   
  
“Because I’m telling Jane and he’s going to find out anyway,” he tells you, his voice as monotone as yours.   
  
You’re livid. You gaze at him with eyes that could have shot spears into him. “You are more than welcome to ruin your relationship. There was absolutely no reason to ruin mine.”   
  
“I wasn’t trying to ruin anything for you,” he started to apologize. “I wanted him to hear it from us instead of finding out from…”   
  
“Oh, fuck you, Brian!” you yell. “They can’t stand each other. Like she would seek him out to tell him anything!” You start getting dressed, slipping your pants on underneath your robe before turning your back to Brian to put your shirt on and slip on a pair of shoes. “You’re so damn smart but you have zero common sense! If you wanted to tell him you should have given me a little bit of warning!” Brian is standing there, not sure what to say. He feels like an idiot, like an asshole, and he’s trying to figure out how to make all this right. You throw your wet hair up into a bun and look at Brian to yell at him one more time. “Just stay out of my life! All you ever do is mess it up!” You rush out of the door, trying to get to Roger as quickly as possible.   
  
When you walk into his flat, you see Roger sitting in the living room trying to process what he just learned. You want to run to him, hug him, make him hold you and tell you everything is okay, but you know he won’t. He’s angry. You can see it written all over his face when he looks up at you, seeing the tears that have streaked down your face, and the panic that has overtaken your entire body. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked with a hardened voice. “Do you know how this looks?”   
  
“I wanted to tell you,” you try to explain, “but he was afraid…” You pause, trying to find the right words to say, knowing that nothing you say will make the sting go away. “I will tell you everything you want to know, but you have to calm down first.”   
  
He started to yell, louder than before. “How am I supposed to calm down?” The loudness in his voice startled you, causing you to cower. The last person who would yell at you like that always did so before he hit you, so when you cowered, you were feeling a familiar fear. Roger realized quickly that he was scaring you and why, and his stomach fell. He ran over to you and held you. “I’m so sorry, Y/N,” his voice trembled. “I’m an idiot. I’m sorry.” He felt you shaking and started to choke up. “Y/N, I would never…”   
  
You grab onto his arm, relaxing your body, falling into a puddle on the floor. “I know,” you whisper. “I know.” You look up to him and see the sorrow in his eyes, the fear that he caused you pain that he never wanted to. You reach a hand up to his face, assuring him that you were okay. “I know you wouldn’t.”   
  
He picks you up off the floor and leads you to the sofa, holding you tight and kissing the top of your head. “I am so sorry. Please forgive me.”   
  
You nuzzled your face into his neck and let out a soft chuckle. “I’m the one who’s supposed to be apologizing right now.” You look up to him and look adoringly into his eyes. He kisses you softly, hoping that would help comfort you, and you can see in his eyes he has questions that he needs answered. “I didn’t love you when it happened,” you tell him. “I need you to understand that it wouldn’t have happened if I did.” You didn’t like how that came out, so you wanted to correct it. “I mean, I was crazy about you but that word…” You sigh, trying to figure out what you wanted to say. “You and I were not on the level we’re on now.”   
  
“He knew I wanted to be, though,” he mumbled. “He knew how I felt about you.”   
  
“And that first night you and I spent together? You knew how he felt, too.”   
  
“He had every opportunity to do something about that, but he didn’t. That was his own fault.”   
  
“I’m glad he didn’t.” You hold your hand up to his cheek. “Roger, I would never, ever do anything intentionally to hurt you and neither would he. I wanted to tell you, but Brian…” He groaned, looking away from you, starting to get upset again. “Please say something. Tell me we’re okay. Tell me you hate me. Anything.”   
  
His tenseness subsided, and he held his fingers underneath your chin. “I could never hate you, doll.” Realizing that he was being a bit hypocritical about everything and taking his anger out on the wrong person, he started to laugh nervously. “Well,” he said, “Deaky was right…” he stopped, and you started to laugh, too.   
  
“Yeah, Freddie owes him 10 quid, I heard.” You stop laughing and grab hold of one of his hands. “It meant absolutely nothing to me, Rog. If anything, all it did was help me realize how I felt about you.” You share soft smiles and you take a deep breath. “But I swear to God, if any of this is going to come between the two of you…”   
  
“Shh,” he whispers before kissing you. “It won’t. I won’t let it. You say it meant nothing, and I believe you.” He kisses your forehead before standing up and walking to the door. “Let me talk to Bri alone, okay?” You nod your head and he pauses the door before quickly turning around. “I fucking love you, Y/N,” he tells you before grabbing the doorknob. “We’re okay.” He smiled, and you smiled back, and he walked out.   
  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰   
  
You decided to sit out in the garden instead of going back to your flat because you needed to be alone. Everything was okay with Roger, and you were beyond relieved, but now you were miserable thinking back to what you told Brian. You didn’t mean it – you didn’t want him out of your life, and while he did make things complicated sometimes, he wasn’t to blame for any mess your life may be. Sure, things with him were complicated for most of the time you’ve known him, but he was important to you, and you couldn’t bear the thought of him thinking he wasn’t. You were also concerned about how their conversation was going. They ended up taking it to the pub around the corner, away from prying ears and they still haven’t made it back. When you stand up to walk back inside, you notice Brian standing there looking at you.   
  
He walks over, looking defeated. “I just want to tell you I’m sorry. For everything.”   
  
“Oh, Brian,” you sigh. “Come here.” You walk over to him and give him a hug that he doesn’t return. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I didn’t mean what I said.” After hesitating, he finally hugs you back. “I don’t want you out of my life. You make it more interesting.”   
  
He chuckles. “I do tend to bring excitement, don’t I?” he jokes and pulls back from the hug. “I’m not telling her,” he says. Your brows start to crinkle. “I know, I shouldn’t have said anything at all, especially not without telling you first, but I wasn’t thinking clearly.” Your expression didn’t change, so he decided to tell you what brought it on in the first place. “Last night, with Jane, things got a bit… different.” He didn’t want to get into too many details – not with you, because it would have been awkward, he felt. “Then this morning all she kept talking about was Roger, and you, and how she wished we were… as, passionate as you two.” You look turned from annoyed to baffled. “I don’t know what kinds of things you girls talk about,” he started to chuckle, “but she seems to have the impression that…”   
  
You start to giggle at his unease and stop him so he doesn’t have to finish his statement. “You really don’t have to explain.” You didn’t want to tell him that it was probably your fault if she was acting different, and you didn’t think it was your place to discuss any concerns she was expressing to you, so you were hoping he would change the conversation. Of course, he didn’t.   
  
“We ended up having an argument, and she said something to the effect of how she should have taken Roger over me when we first met, and I got pretty mad, so I left.” He hurried and sat down, resting his arms on the table in front of him. “You know how I am. I get wounded and I want to hurt the person worse than they hurt me, so I was going to tell her. And that’s why I wanted him to know.”   
  
You sit in the other chair at the table and prop your feet up, knowing that you’re probably about to cross a line, but you’ve got to get yourself out of his head permanently, and you’ve got to get him to get Roger out of her head, because that’s the only way the dynamic of the entire group is ever going to be relaxed. “Brian,” you say in a tone to get his attention. “She wants more excitement and I know for a fact you have it in you.” You raise an eyebrow and smirk at him. “She thinks she’s a prude, so show her that she’s not.” He’s shocked that you’re even telling him this. “That’s all I’m going to say.”   
  
You both turn as you hear Roger walking up, lighting a cigarette and shuffling his feet. “Jane wants to have sex with me, Y/N,” he starts to joke. “She wants it bad.” You look over at Brian who is trying not to laugh, but he can’t help it. Once he starts laughing, you and Roger join in.   
  
“She can have you,” you joke back as you take Roger’s cigarette from his hand. He bends down behind you and rests his chin on your shoulder as you take a puff from his cigarette. “You keep bringing these things around me. You’re a bad influence.” You turn your head and face him as you put the cigarette between his lips.   
  
Neither one of you notice Brian watching the two of you, feeling happy for the both of you that you’ve found your happiness but also feeling like a complete jerk for having ever wanting to keep the two of you apart. He vowed to himself that from that moment on, no matter how weird it made him feel, he was not going to stand in the way of your happiness ever again. He stands up to leave, but not before Roger calls out to him. “Don’t forget – we leave at 11 for the studio.” Brian shook his head and waved. “Tell Jane to come, too. Make a proper party out of it.” Brian smiles and shakes his head again, clearly relieved of all tension that he had built up since earlier.

Brian’s eyes turn to you, and you know what he’s about to ask. “Orange,” you blurt out. “A nice sunrise orange.” He shakes his head and laughs as he walks away. Roger moves from behind you and sits in the now vacant chair. You’re looking at him with a muddled look and he doesn’t understand why. “Did I just hear you tell him to bring Jane?”  
  
He gives you a sly smirk. “Yeah, you did. If there’s to be no more tension, I guess I need to start being nice to her.”   
  
You glance down at your watch. “Ugh… It’s 6 already. What do you want for dinner? Nothing too difficult. I still feel like shit.” He shrugs. “Well you’re no help,” you chuckle. “Sandwiches it is.”   
  
“Sandwiches?” Roger jumps up and dramatically screeches as he waves a finger in the air. “My lady will make a full meal for her man. I demand Beef Wellington, with a side of roasted potatoes, salad and freshly baked bread.”   
  
You look at him, blankly, and purse your lips. “Ham or some of the leftover chicken on your sandwich?”   
  
“Chicken.”   
  
“I’ll take a chicken one too,” you say as you wave your hand for him to go as you grab a cigarette out of the pack he had thrown on the table. “And some water to drink, please.” He looks at you and smirks. “Love you,” you tell him with a sarcastic sweetness as you crinkle your nose and blow him a kiss before he walks inside.   
  
You lean your head back and rub your eyes as if that was going to get rid of that annoying headache you haven’t been able to get rid of since you woke up. You inhaled deeply before letting out a loud exhale, relieved that this day that started out terrible didn’t turn into a disaster. “Y/N?” you hear in a familiar female voice from your past. You take your feet down from the table and turn around to look in her direction. She’s smiling, obviously happy to see you. “Hey,” she whispers.   
  
You take another deep breath, wanting to scream, but you don’t. You can’t physically or mentally handle another second of frustration right now. “Hey, Lisa.” This is just fucking perfect, you think to yourself.   
  
She walks over to the table and points to the empty chair. “Can I?” She’s still smiling, and you can tell she’s nervous. You nod, and she sits down. “How have you been?”   
  
You’re expressionless. “Fine. Just fine,” you reply. If Mark was the last person you ever wanted to see again, Lisa was the second to last person you ever wanted to see again. She may have even been on par with Mark, given how she screwed around with your dad and especially how she was the one who lead Mark right to you. “What are you doing here?”   
  
“I’ve missed my friend,” she tells you. Her face is apologetic but still smiling. She reaches out to grab your hand, but you pull it away. “When did you start smoking?”   
  
You raise an eyebrow, suspicious of her motives. “Cut the shit. Why are you really here?”   
  
“I’m sorry, Y/N,” she sighs. “I wanted to warn you. Mark is coming.”   
  
You start to chuckle. “Mark’s already been here. I hear you’re the one who told him where to find me.”   
  
Her eyes started to fill with tears. “He seemed worried about you, and he told me he…”   
  
Your chuckle turned to laughter. “Let me guess. He told you he was a changed man and that he needed to find me because he wanted to make amends or some other shit like that, right?” She shook her head and wiped away the single tear that had fallen. “And you fell for it.” You put your cigarette out in the ashtray and glared at her like she was an idiot. “Of all people, you fell for it.”   
  
“You don’t understand,” she tried to explain. “He really did seem like he was better.”   
  
“Oh, I understand. I’ve fallen for his ‘I’m a changed man’ line more than once,” you retort. “You’re the one who always told me I was stupid for believing it.” There was nothing she could find to say in return. “Anyway, why are you really here? Come in the hopes that I’d take care of you like my dad did?”   
  
She throws her head down onto her arms that are laying on the table. “Y/N, please. I only did what I had to do.”   
  
“You had to?” you asked, stunned. “Of all the men to pick from you had to pick my dad?”   
  
She looked up at you angrily. “He offered. He’s the one who dangled the money and presents in my face.”   
  
You stop before you start lashing out. You were being the hypocrite you were telling Roger he was being earlier and lashing out at Lisa right now would have only made you an even bigger hypocrite. It wasn’t like you didn’t do the same things before. And maybe you were being too forgiving – something that always seemed to backfire on you – but you were tired of being angry. Being angry was weighing you down. “Look, I’m not even mad about it anymore. I came here for a reason, but you and Mark don’t seem to want to let me just live my life I came here to live.”   
  
“That’s not true!” she exclaimed. “I talked to Sam, and he told me that you’re doing wonderful over here. I don’t want to ruin anything for you!”   
  
Roger appears, holding the sandwiches he went make and your glass of water. “New friend?” he asks as he walks over, putting everything down on the table. “I’m Roger,” he held his hand out to Lisa, who smiled and shook his hand.   
  
“This is my old friend, Lisa,” you explain. “This is my guy.” She looks to you with gleaming approval, as if you say “nice catch” without saying the actual words. “Do you want anything to drink? Or to eat?” You stand up to let Roger sit down, and you sit on his lap.   
  
She shakes her head no. “What I want is to hear more about what you’ve been up to.” She smiles. “I see you have someone special, but what else?”   
  
You swallow the food in your mouth and take a quick sip of water. “Well, Roger’s in a band with my roommate. They keep me busy.”   
  
Roger starts to laugh. “Yeah, we didn’t know what to do before Y/N came. She’s like our mum,” he chided before realizing what he said. “Well, not my mum, but…” You and Lisa start to giggle at his faltering.   
  
“Anyway…” you steer the conversation. “I’ve been taking care of these guys, basically. I’ve become domesticated and it scares me. What about you? What have you been up to?”   
  
“Trying to be a better person,” she sighs. “No need to harp on all of that though, right?” She gazes around the garden and starts to become reminiscent. “Remember that Christmas I came here with you and we would dress up in your grandma’s fancy clothes and come sit out here pretending we were princesses?”   
  
“Oh, she got so mad when we spilled that grape juice on her coat!” you remembered. “She never forgave me for that.”   
  
“And that summer when we met those boys!” she laughed. “We spent the entire month with them. What were their names again?”   
  
“Simon and Charlie,” you giggled. “They were cute. Wonder what ever happened to them?” Roger starts clearing his throat to remind you he was right there. “Oh hush, silly. We were 13,” you told him as you gave him a gentle pat on his cheek.   
  
“So how long are you here for?” Roger asked Lisa.   
  
She shrugged. “I guess as long as I want to be.” She looked at you and smiled. “Or as long as I don’t wear out my welcome.”   
  
Ten minutes ago you were ready to tell her to leave and never come back, but sitting here with her, thinking back to when you were kids, you were overcome with a peace. Yes, you left everything behind when you came to London, but it was nice to have at least one piece of home with you. “Where are you staying?”   
  
“I rented a room.” She rolled her eyes. “The place is dark and depressing, the blanket is itchy and there’s even a drunk old man that stays next door.”  
  
You start to laugh thinking about Lisa in a place like that. It’s a far cry from what she’s used to. “Well that won’t work. You should stay here. It’s not a bed, but the sofa is comfy and my blankets aren’t itchy.”   
  
“Or she can stay in mine,” Roger blurted out. “Not like I use it.” He started to tickle you. “And it’s not far away.”   
  
“His flat is next door,” you tell her before turning to Roger. “Brian won’t mind, Will he?”   
  
Her brow raised, and she gave a smirk. “Who’s Brian?”   
  
“He’s a boring bloke with hair like a poodle who is also my best friend,” Roger chuffed. “Of course, he won’t mind. She’s small and won’t take up space, and you two look so much alike he probably won’t even realize she’s a different person.”   
  
You look to Lisa with an sly look. “Everyone’s always at mine anyway so it won’t really matter.”   
  
“This could be fun. As long as I’m not intruding.” She returns the same look to you.  
  
“Then that settles it,” you tell her as you jump up from Roger’s lap. “We’re going get your things and you’re staying here.” Lisa jumps up and hurries over to hug you, both of you with enormous smiles plastered on your faces.   
  
Roger walks over and gives you a one-armed hug, kissing the top of your head. “I need to go get things ready for tonight,” he mumbles. “Nice meeting you, Lisa,” he tells her as he walks away.   
  
The two of you watch him until he disappears. “He’s pretty,” she gurgles with a childish, mocking voice as Roger walks away.   
  
“Yeah he is, isn’t he?” you giggle as you turn to her and see her jokingly fan herself before you tug on her arm to get her to walk with you. “Let’s go get your things.”   
  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰   
  
After getting back to the flat and having Lisa somewhat settled in, the two of you take advantage of the privacy and talk. “I’m happy for you, Y/N,” she said as she looked around the room. “It looks like you have quite a life over here.”   
  
You had to chuckle. “Yeah, it’s quite a life, alright.” You let out a deep sigh. “Drama follows me like a lost dog, but I’ll take this drama over any of the other drama I’ve had before.”   
  
“The best thing you could have done was leave.” She took a slow drag on her cigarette and her expression changed from joy to distress. “Things went to shit after you left. Not that they weren’t shit before, but everything started to collapse and…” She started to cry. “I didn’t have anyone to talk to about it.” You move closer to her and put an arm around her, drawing her into a hug. “I burned so many bridges that by the time I really needed someone, no one was there.” She stopped crying and wiped the tears from her eyes. “It was all my fault, really. I’m not blaming anyone. Who would have wanted to deal with this mess anyway?”   
  
“I was a mess, too, Lis,” you whisper, understanding exactly the way she felt.   
  
She turns to face you with a serious look on her face. “I have to tell you. I can’t not tell you. You’re my best friend, Y/N. It’s been a couple of years, but sitting here with you I feel like we didn’t miss a beat, you know?” She looked down at her hands that were nervously moving. “Mark was the only person who would even look at me.”   
  
“Oh, Lisa, please tell me you didn’t let him hurt you.” You wanted to cry but needed to keep it together. You’d never wish for anyone to ever go through the bullshit you went through with Mark.  
  
“No, no, he didn’t,” she says, and your body releases its tension. “It was never anything like that with us. He was helping me get my wits together. I mean, he was really helping me. He made me feel like I was actually worth something, a friend when I needed one. He wasn’t at all the Mark we knew before.” She looks up at you with sheer disgust on her face. “But one night we went too far, and I got pregnant.”   
  
“Lisa, no…” you moan.  
  
“He blamed me for it. Can you believe that? He blamed me, like he didn’t have something to do with it.” She started to laugh thinking back at his sheer audacity. “I was so scared, Y/N. I couldn’t have a baby. Can you see me as a mom? Can you see me even being pregnant? I can’t handle a paper cut without passing out.” She takes a deep breath. “He found a doctor and I had an abortion.” You start to cry but she quickly stops you. “I don’t regret it, not at all.” She took another drag of her cigarette. “He knew I talked to Sam every now and then, so I could find out how you were doing. One day I told him that I wanted to come here to find you, and he promised he would bring me, saying that we all needed to bury the hatchet and move on. I woke up one morning, saw a note on the table telling me that he had left to come find you, and that was it.” She couldn’t register the look on your face. She wasn’t sure if you were angry or not or upset that she had to go through all of that alone, so she decided to apologize. “I’m so sorry, Y/N,” she whispered as she grabbed your hand.  
  
“Everyone’s been apologizing to me so much lately and I’m tired of hearing it.” You move your hand away and smile. “Look, don’t apologize. Him coming here actually worked out to be great. It gave me the closure I needed.” You started to giggle. “Water under the burned bridge, Lis. The fully demolished bridge. A nice, clear, shining river with no bridge.”   
  
She looks at you with a mischievous smile. “Does this mean Crash and Burn ride again?”   
  
“Leaving nothing but disaster and scorched earth in our wake,” you tell her with the same mischievous smile. Every single good memory you shared with Lisa started rushing back, almost rejuvenating your whole psyche. “Crash and Burn” is what your friends would call you because of all of the sheer chaos the two of you would invite, but always but it always ended in a good time.   
  
“Tell me more about Roger. I already know he’s pretty and that you two are disgustingly cute together. Is he your Perseus?” she asked.   
  
“Yeah,” you smiled. “He is.” She understood your minor obsession with Andromeda’s story and how you longed to find the person who would rescue you. “They’re recording an album. Can you believe it? I’m a band bitch.”  
  
“Don’t tell me!” she shouts as she holds her fingers to her head, eyes tightly closed as if she’s seeking to channel psychic powers. “He’s the drummer. Right?” The smirk on your face when she opens her eyes gives it away. “Always the drummers with you,” she giggles. “Except for that one…”   
  
You scream with laughter. “Noooo! Don’t remind me. That was tragic!”   
  
As the two of you were laughing hysterically and falling over onto each other, Freddie walked through the door. “Princess, I told you, if you’re going to have girls over and get frisky, you’re supposed to let me know so I can watch.”   
  
“Freddie, this is Lisa,” you say through laughter. “She’s staying with us for a bit.”   
  
He gives you a baffled look but keeps smiling. You’ve told him all about her, so you’re hoping his mouth doesn’t blurt out something stupid. “Lisa!” he exclaims as he holds out a hand. “The old friend from back home. Nice to meet you, darling.”   
  
Lisa can’t help but giggle anxiously. She finds him utterly charming and really doesn’t know how to react to him. “Nice to meet you, too.”   
  
“I’d love to stay and cackle with the two of you, but I’m going nap,” he says as he walks away. “Bring her tonight, Princess. It’s always nice to have pretty girls around.”

You look over at Lisa and she’s giving you a side-eyed grin. “No, he’s too much,” you say. “He’s taken anyway.”

“Dammit,” she giggles. “He’s pretty, too!”   
  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

When you and Lisa walk in to the studio, you see Jane sitting on the stiff, old sofa behind the recording desk as the guys are behind the glass, arguing over the tempo of the song they’re trying to record. Mary is leaning against the wall, smoking her cigarette, and Gemma is pacing the room trying to keep herself awake. “If these guys don’t stop arguing it’s going to take them three years to finish,” Mary mumbles as she looks at you. “We’ve been here for two hours and they haven’t even finished one song.”   
  
“I assume we didn’t miss anything,” you laugh. “Everyone I want you to meet Lisa. She’s a friend from back home. My best friend growing up.” You introduce everyone, and they all seem to immediately take to her. Everyone always did because of her magnetic personality.   
  
Jane was the only one who showed any semblance of reservation, but none of the others picked up on it. You did, however, because you were once on the receiving end of Jane’s polite snark. “You two could be twins,” she tells Lisa with a stiff smile.   
  
Lisa grabs your arm and starts to chuckle. “Growing up, the only people who could ever tell us apart were our parents.” She pointed behind the glass. “I’ve met Roger and Freddie. Who are the others?”   
  
“John’s next to Freddie with the bass. And the tall one…” you start to tell her, but she interrupts.

“That must be Brian,” she says, not moving her eyes. “The poodle,” she chuckles.   
  
Jane clears her throat to get your attention. “Is it okay if we come get ready at yours again tomorrow night, Y/N? We can walk to the venue from there.”

“Of course, silly. The door is always open,” you tell her, but she’s not looking at you. Her and Lisa are suddenly in a staring match. You grab Lisa’s arm to snap her out of it. “Oh, yeah, Lis, we have a gig to go to tomorrow night.”   
  
“Wow you really are a band bitch,” she laughed as she nudged you. “Look. Your boy wants your attention.” She points to the window where Roger is standing, waving you over. “So which one can I have?” she whispers in your ear, jokingly, of course, or at least you think, so you ignore her comment and walk away with a giggle.   
  
Roger opens the door to the recording room as you get close and keeps motioning for you to go in. “Princess!” Freddie calls out. “You know this one,” he says as he starts to play on the piano. “Didn’t I play it faster for you the other night and you said it sounded better than this?”   
  
“Any faster and it would ruin the whole song,” Brian mumbled.   
  
Roger started laughing and leaned to your ear, pretending like he didn’t want Brian to hear him, but the level of his voice was clear that he was completely intentional. “Grandpa wants everything so fucking slow and this one sounds better when it’s faster.”   
  
You look over at John who isn’t paying any attention, choosing to play with his fingernails instead. “What about you, Deaky? What do you think?” He looked up at you and shrugged. You roll your eyes and look over to Freddie. “It did sound better when it was just a little faster.” You quickly look over to Roger. “Not too much faster. Just a little.” You look back and Freddie, who is smiling, then over to Brian who is completely unimpressed by the answer you gave, then over to John who is still fiddling with his fingers. “Alright then, that’s settled. Now get on with it.” You smiled at all of them as you walked out.   
  
Jane ran up to you and hugged you. “If I knew you’d get them to stop bickering that quickly I would have tied you up and brought you here hours ago!”   
  
“Our miracle worker!” Gemma exclaimed as she took a swallow of a beer she found.   
  
You and Lisa plop down on the sofa, her looking all around the room in amazement. “I’ve never been in a recording studio before. This is neat.”   
  
Mary started to chuckle. “One night with those guys and you’ll get over the amazement quickly.” You all start to chuckle with her, except for Lisa who doesn’t get the joke. “But we still come to support our guys.”   
  
“Oh?” Lisa questions. “So you’re all…”   
  
“Yeah,” you start to explain. “They’re all my fellow band bitches,” you say with a laugh. “Lisa here actually went on the road with Dylan.”   
  
Lisa and you started crying with laughter. “Two days. I was with him for two days! He was so boring. I ditched him in Albuquerque.” The others looked at her, quite intrigued. “All he ever wanted to do was talk,” she rolled her eyes. “I mean, talking is nice, but he wasn’t as interesting as he may seem.”   
  
“Well these guys are definitely not boring,” Gemma pipes up. “If anything, we sometimes yearn for boring.” Laughter ensues.   
  
“Can you imagine these guys on the road?” you say with laughter. “Worse than a gaggle of women.”   
  
Barry, their manager, who you didn’t know was listening in to the conversation, turned around in his chair. “They’ll have to learn to behave, because they’ll be heading out soon,” he informs all of you. “I haven’t spoken to them about it yet, but they’ll be leaving in a month.” You and the girls all look at each other, not sure if you’re happy for them or upset that they’ll be gone for a while. Barry turns back around with his back to your group. “And you all won’t be there to make sure they behave. The budget doesn’t allot for extra people.”   
  
You all share raised eyebrows, even Lisa because she knows exactly what he meant, before Mary nods her head to the door, beckoning you all outside. Once the door closes, Gemma starts whining. “I do trust John but I don’t want him going out there without me! I know how those girls are! I was one of them!” You all start to laugh, and she joins in once she realizes the irony in the situation.   
  
“I think we all were, except for Jane,” Mary says with a giggle.   
  
“Which is all the more reason we’re going,” you tell them. “’The budget’ may not have enough money to get us there, but I do, so we’re going, and that’s that.” You look over to Lisa. “You’re coming, too. It’ll be like old times.” She claps her hands excitedly and hugs you.   
  
Jane isn’t looking too happy. “I can’t go,” she mumbles. “I’ve got classes. I can’t miss them. It’s my last year.”   
  
“We’ll make sure he calls you every night,” Gemma chirps. “Before and after the shows.” Jane starts to relax and smile a little. “And you can come whenever you can make it. It’ll be fun!”   
  
You see Lisa standing off to the side, smoking a cigarette and pacing around, so you go to join her. “That one’s just a big ball of sunshine, isn’t she?” she asks as she points to Gemma. “She’s precious.” You start to chuckle because it’s true. “Tall blondie,” she points to Mary, “she’s annoyingly perfect, but I like her.” You nod your head, again, because it’s true. “And green eyes over there,” she points to Jane, “she’s too good for us, huh?”   
  
“Judgmental as hell,” you tell her, “but she’s okay. I’ll fill you in on all the drama I had with her later.”   
  
Lisa started to laugh. “She thought Brian was giving it to you, huh?” Your face falls and you start to get nervous. “Oh my god, Y/N!” she squeals, because no matter how long it’s been since you’ve seen her, she can still read you like a book, and vice versa. She pulls you even further away from them. “Spill it, bitch!”   
  
You roll your eyes. “I’m not getting too detailed with it because I just had all kinds of drama about it before you came, but…” You look at her and she’s excited to hear what you have to say. “One time. That’s it. She doesn’t know, so be quiet.”   
  
She starts to make that wicked giggle she does whenever she’s finding something juicy. “He any good?” she asks with a smirk. “Don’t answer that. I want to be surprised.” She starts to laugh as she sees your very concerned face. “Calm down, I’m just joking.” She tosses her cigarette off to the side and wraps an arm around you. “Let’s go back inside and watch pretty boy make his music.”

 


	11. Onyx

 

 

The next afternoon you wake up to a knock on the bedroom door. “This better be good,” you groan loudly, expecting it to be Freddie. Roger lays there and rubs his eyes while you sit up, trying to fix your messy hair that you noticed in the mirror.  
  
“You covered?” Lisa whispers before walking in. “There’s a huge argument going on next door,” she says as she points. “Not sure if it should be broken up.”  
  
Roger pops up and quickly puts on his pants. “Fuck’s sake,” he mumbles. “I told him not to tell her anything yet.” He quickly shuffles out of the room and goes next door.  
  
You grumble as you rub your eyes, standing up to put on your robe. “Coffee?” you ask. “I need coffee. This is going to be a long day, I can tell already.”  
  
Lisa starts to laugh. “Well, good thing you slept through most of it then. It’s already 1:00.” When you get to the kitchen you can hear the muffled voices coming through the wall, but you can’t make out anything that’s being said. You try to ignore it but it’s impossible. “This happen often?” Lisa asks.  
  
“No,” you reply. “I’ve never heard them like this before.” Suddenly, everything goes quiet, then you hear your front door open and feet shuffling towards the kitchen. “Rog?” you call out, hoping it’s him.  
  
“Yep,” he chuckles as he sees your relieved face when he appears in the doorway. “Guess what?” He can’t hide the joy on his face as he walks over and wraps his arms around you. “Brian’s a free man now.” You pull back, shocked, and he laughs. “She told him she wasn’t happy with the tour and that she wasn’t going to wait around for him if he went, so he told her not to.” He shrugged.  
  
You wanted to be upset. Despite everything, you were starting to like Jane, but the truth was she didn’t fit in to this life everyone was about to embark on, and she was going to do nothing but make everyone miserable. “Yeah, she’s gone,” you mumbled. “Until he takes her back.”  
  
“Won’t happen,” Lisa piped up. You and Roger look over to her and the smirk on her face. “I heard him tell her he should have gotten rid of her a long time ago, and that he would have been so much happier with…”  
  
You quickly turn to Roger, not wanting to hear the rest of what you were afraid Lisa was going to say, as he grabs an apple from the counter. He doesn’t want to hear the rest of Lisa’s statement either. “I’m going shower,” he grumbles. He gives you a quick peck on the cheek and walks out.  
  
When you turn around Lisa is standing much closer to you than she was before. She lowers her voice to a whisper. “I think there’s more to your story with Brian than just some onetime thing,” she giggles. You look at her, daring her to say anything else, which she kindly obliges. “I heard him tell her he would have been happier with _you_.”

“His loss,” you whisper back. “It might have gone a different way, but I’m happy it didn’t.”  
  
“Me too,” she whispers as she giggles. “He’s cute. And his hair is amazing.”  
  
You try not to laugh too loud because you don’t want Roger to wander in. “He’s very timid, Lis. Tone it down a bit or you’ll scare him.”  
  
“I know,” she says. “After you and Roger went to bed, we talked a while.” She chuckled at the sight of your surprised face. “He’s sweet.” Suddenly, it was like a lightbulb turned on in her brain. “I told him I would be bringing my stuff over there today since I’m crashing in Roger’s room.” She gets up, grabs a change of clothes from her bag and runs to your room. “I need to change! He may need a friendly ear right now!”  
  
You roll your eyes and laugh to yourself right before you start to feel a little jealous. _Snap_ _out_ _of_ _it,_ _Y_ / _N_ , you tell yourself. _You’re_ _being_ _silly_. The bathroom door starts to open so you rush to meet Roger so he doesn’t walk in on Lisa changing. “Hey,” you greet him with a smile, as he’s standing there with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist.

He raises a brow and smiles. “What are you doing?” He bends down to your ear and whispers. “Are we alone?”  
  
“Not yet,” you whisper back. The bedroom door opens, and Lisa rushes out, giggling and waving as she hurries out the front door. “Now we are,” you smirk as you grab the towel and run into the bedroom, with Roger chasing you.  
  
He walks in the bedroom and locks the door. “That was quite naughty,” he growled as you bit your bottom lip and chuckled. He slowly walks toward you as you slip off your robe, then your shorts, never taking your eyes off his. “Those are nice,” he said as he pointed to your blue lace panties. You take off your shirt and he smirks. “Those are nicer.” You start to giggle as he grabs them and leans in to kiss you. “It’s been too long.”  
  
“It’s been two days,” you say with a laugh.  
  
“Precisely,” he laughs back. “Too long.” You start to take off your panties, but he taps your hands to stop you. “No, leave them on.” He picks you up and your legs wrap around his waist as he carries you to the bed and gently lays you down. “My pretty girl,” he whispers with a smile before leaning in for a passionate kiss. 

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰ 

 

You didn’t see Lisa for the rest of the day until the guys left to go set up at the venue. She didn’t join the rest of you for lunch because she wanted to get settled in a little bit and take a nap since she didn’t sleep much. Gemma and Mary were over getting ready for the night and you were filling them in on what happened between Jane and Brian when Lisa walked in carrying four bottles of beer. “You all look pretty,” she fawns as she passes out the beer. “My clothes are all so drab. Can I raid your closet, Y/N?”   
  
Mary starts to hysterically laugh, and you can’t stifle yours. “Not the red dress!” she screams. “That thing brings trouble to all who wear it!”  
  
“Now I’m curious,” Lisa smirks as she runs off to your room. When you walk in, she’s standing at your closet, sifting through your clothes. “Ah, here it is!” she gleams as she turns around. “What’s wrong with it?”  
  
You start to roll your eyes and groan. “I need to burn it,” you tell her. “It’s cursed.” She’s not satisfied with that answer, clearly, as she’s giving you a bored look. “Jane wore that a few nights ago and it all ended badly.” She knows there’s more of a story to be told, so she stares blankly at you. “Please don’t wear it.”  
  
“Well no, I’m not wearing it if someone’s already shown it off recently,” she chuffed as she threw it on your bed and turned back to your closet. “Brian’s taking me to see some sky stuff tomorrow night,” she tells you. “It was hard to act interested in the stuff he was talking about earlier, but you know me,” she giggled. You started to frown. _How can she not find him interesting?_ you think to yourself. _And he’s taking her? That was our thing._ “When I’m curious about a guy I can be interested in anything.” She turns around and sees the expression on your face and giggles again. “Oh, stop it. I know he’s your friend. I promise. I’ll be gentle.” She pats you on the face as she walks to your mirror, holding up two shirts, trying to decide which one she wants to wear. “Hey, maybe you and Roger can come too!” she said quite excitedly.

“Maybe you and Roger can come where?” you hear Roger ask as he walks in, surprising the both of you. “I tore my fucking shirt and I need to get a new one.” He rushes over to your closet. “Where’s that black one you have with the silver stuff all over it?”   
  
You walk over to your closet as Lisa starts to laugh. “Your closet is like Macy’s, Y/N.” Roger looked at you confused, wondering who Macy was, not understanding the reference at all. “Do you clothe everyone?”   
  
“Macy’s is a store back home,” you explain to Roger as you sort through your shirts and pull out the one he was looking for. “And yes,” you turn to Lisa, “it seems everyone enjoys wearing my clothes.” Roger quickly changes his shirt and gives you a kiss. “Go on,” you tell him as you push him out. “We’ll be there in a little while.”   
  
You turn back to Lisa and point to the shirt you think she should wear. “He’s even prettier than before,” she giggled. “He looks a little bit like that guy we met in Phoenix when Mark went to Vegas.” She nudged you and started joking with you. “Is he as good as that guy was?” Your face started to flush with heat and you were getting embarrassed. “Don’t tell me you’ve turned into a prude.”   
  
You glance at her with a shy grin. “No, I’m not a prude,” you chortle. “And he’s world’s better than that guy.” Her face started to light up. “Don’t even think about it. I’m not sharing.” You both started to roar with laughter. “That was a one-time thing. I haven’t been that high and drunk since.”   
  
“I bet he’d love it, though, getting both of us at the same time,” Lisa tells you with a slick smile. “And that was not a one-time thing. We’ve shared…”   
  
“No, Lis,” you say with just enough force to get the point across. “This isn’t some fling that’s just about sex. Roger and I see a future together. A house, some kids, pets…”   
  
She snorts and rolls her eyes. “Right,” she murmurs. “Y/N’s gonna settle down with her rock and roll drummer. I don’t know which is more ridiculous to think is going to happen – you settling down or him.” Your brows furrow as you look at her. “Come on, Y/N. If they’re as good as you say they are and they make it, they’ll be going on tours more than just in this country, and do you really think you’ll be there tagging along? When you have these kids you’re fantasizing about?” She chuckles, and your expression grows angrier. “I know you’re over here, having a good time, playing housewife or whatever the hell it is you’re doing, but reality is going to sink in one day and you’re either going to be ready for it or it’s going to make you completely miserable.” She sits down next to you on the bed and nudges you with her shoulder. “You know what those guys are like when they’re away from home.”   
  
You start to laugh to hide your anger. “He’s not like that. He wouldn’t…” You stop trying because you know all this is going to do is turn into an argument. “Just drop it, okay?” You walk to the door, leaving her sitting there. “Get dressed. Help yourself to any jewelry on the dresser. We’re leaving in 10 minutes.” You huff as you close the door, trying to calm yourself down before you walk out into the living room with Mary and Gemma, but you don’t do a good job of it.   
  
“What’s wrong?” Gemma asks as you walk in, clearly concerned. “Are you alright?”   
  
You plop yourself down on the sofa between them, grab a cigarette from someone’s pack, and roll your eyes as you light it before leaning back and rubbing your head. “Yeah, I’ll be fine,” you mumble. “I know how she is. Some people grow up, and others? Well, she’s one of the others.” After taking a deep breath, you smile. “It is what it is. You two ready to go see our boys?”

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰   
  
You’re lying in bed, Roger’s arms wrapped around you and your hands entwined with his, his face buried in the back of your neck, and you’re listening to his breathing. You know if you move you’ll wake him, so you lay as still as possible. It’s been a tiring trip, 14 nights away from home, 10 shows mixed in for good measure, and you know he’s tired. You, Gemma, Mary and Lisa were just along for the ride and you were all talking last night about how exhausted you all were, so you know the guys were even more so. He starts to mumble incoherently, and you can’t stifle your giggling, which wakes him up. “I’m so tired,” he mumbles as he draws you into his snuggle tighter before letting loose.   
  
You turn your body to face him and smile when you see him, his eyes still closed with a comforted smile on his face. “Go back to sleep,” you whisper before kissing his nose, which makes him smile bigger. “I’m going to pack up my stuff.” You start to get out of bed, but he pulls you back, eyes still closed.   
  
“No, not yet,” he mumbles. “Stay here.” He pulls you in close again and starts to drift back off to sleep as you play with the hair on top of his head. “I love you, babe,” he whispers.   
  
You smile and give him a soft kiss. “I love you back.” You stare at him for a moment, wondering how you got so lucky, before moving away. “I really have to get packed. My ride will be here in an hour.” He groans deep in his throat and finally opens his eyes. “I’ll only be gone for a week. Sam needs me to sign those papers and take care of a few things. I’ll be back with you as soon as I can. Promise.”   
  
He’s not happy that you’re leaving. You don’t know why, but he’s been so possessive of you the last few days, needing to be right next to you always, which is completely out of character for him. Even at the shows – he wants you to be sitting on side of the stage, right where he can see you. It wasn’t an overbearing kind of possessiveness. It felt like he was more trying to mark his territory, to show everyone that you were his girl and he was your guy and make sure they all understood it. It was strange, but you found it sweet, and wrote it off to being because he was going to miss you.   
  
Lisa was going to take the ride back to London with you, but she wanted to stay. Mary and Gemma didn’t mind. They thought she was fun – much more fun than Jane – and enjoyed having her around. You made sure she had enough money to pay for her rooms while you were home, even left some of your clothes with her so you didn’t have to lug it all back with you. “Take care of him when I’m gone,” you tell her as you’re pointing to Roger before getting in your taxi. “Make sure he has clean underwear.” You and Lisa start to laugh and Roger sticks out his tongue. “I’ll see you two in about a week.”   
  
Lisa reaches behind Roger and slaps his butt, startling him. “I’ll take good care of him,” she winks. “Don’t worry about us.” You can see the uneasy look on his face, but don’t think much of it. You blow him a kiss, he smiles, and you head off to the train station.   
  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ timewarp: 6 days ahead ⋅.} ────── ⊰

You weren’t due to meet up with everyone until tomorrow, but you wanted to surprise them, especially Roger. The only person who knew you were coming was Mary – she called you one night, and you told her of your plan to meet them in Manchester. She found out the hotel they would be staying in and promised she would stay quiet. When you got to the hotel, you had to rush and sneak in, begging the woman at the front desk to hold you bag until you got back. You had everything planned out – nothing elaborate, just that you were going to surprise them after the show and spend the rest of the night locked in the room with Roger so no one could bother you.  
  
You waited to arrive at the venue until after the show started so no one would notice, watching the performance from the back of the room with people you didn’t know. After they were finished, you snuck around to the back of the venue to the back door, where you were discovered by everyone except for Roger who wasn’t there. “Princess!” Freddie yelled out. “What are you doing here?”   
  
“Finished early,” you said as you hugged him. “Didn’t like being home alone.” You look around for Roger and don’t see him. “Where’s my guy?”   
  
“He must still be in there,” Gemma tells you. “The room on the left right when you walk in.” She pushes you to the steps leading up to the door and waves for you to go in.   
  
The smile on his face when he saw you was a mixture of excitement and relief. You ran to him and jumped into his arms as he started to give you pecking kisses all over your face. “It’s only been a few days but my goodness I missed you so much,” he said with excited laughter. “I’m so glad you’re back.” He sighed and put you back down on the ground. “Do not leave me again.”   
  
“If this is the sort of welcome I get I may have to leave you more often,” you giggle. “Did I miss anything interesting?”   
  
“Well, we did some shows, and they all went well,” he started to explain, but he knew that’s not what you wanted to hear. “Lisa’s been digging her claws into Brian,” he chuckles. “I think his mind is completely blown. He never had to deal with such a handful.”   
  
“I saw Jane yesterday…” you were starting to tell him before you were interrupted by Lisa.   
  
“Thank God you’re back!” she exclaimed. “Pretty Boy here has been miserable,” she said as she pinched his cheek. Roger seemed to suddenly feel a little uncomfortable – you could tell by the slight nervousness in his body language – and he hurried and put his hands in his pocket. “We were planning on going to the pub across from the hotel…”   
  
“Well let’s go,” you interrupted. “I can use a drink.” You leaned into him and wrapped your arms around his waist. “We have the rest of the night,” you winked and gave him a quick kiss.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

Roger left the pub first, wanting to go shower while he was still able to walk unassisted after all the drinking he did. “I’ll be in soon,” you whisper to him before he gets up to leave. He smiles and kisses you on the cheek and goes back to the room after handing you the room key, telling you he would get another one from the front desk. You were too busy listening to the stories everyone was telling you, laughing at the ridiculousness of what they were saying, to finish your drink quickly. Everyone was drunk at this point, except for Brian who was the evening’s designated sober to make sure everyone got home – or rather, to the hotel – safely.   
  
Brian was rounding everyone up when everyone was finally ready to leave, but he couldn’t find Lisa. “When did she sneak out?” he asked, a bit puzzled since it was odd for her not to be stuck to him. He saw you start to leave on your own, and after assuring him that you were fine, he let you go. You wanted to hurry and get to Roger and didn’t have the patience to wait for him to gather everyone else together.   
  
You were anxious to get inside, smiling to yourself knowing that the two of you were going to lock yourselves inside until the next afternoon before he had to get ready for the next show. Not wanting to waste a single second of time with him, you take off your shoes and started to unbutton your shirt as you were unlocking the door. After slowly opening the door, wanting to sneak in quietly and surprise him, you heard him. In bed. Moaning and panting. And someone else was with him.   
  
“Fuck me like you fuck her,” you hear Lisa tell him. “Show me how you fuck her.” He stops suddenly and stands up, but you don’t wait around to hear what happens next. You’re sick to your stomach. You’re raging inside. You slam the door and run out, back outside, not knowing what to do. When you burst through the doors headed outside, you see everyone sitting there, and their faces immediately drop when they see you fall to the steps.   
  
Brian rushes over to you while Freddie ran inside. You’re emotionless, completely numb. Brian sits down next to you, handing you a freshly-lit cigarette that he asked Mary for, knowing how you’ve become susceptible to having a smoke whenever you were bothered by something. You take it from him, hands shaking because you’re cold. He put his arm around you, opened his coat and wrapped you in it, pulling you close to get you warm. “You alright?” he asked. You didn’t answer, taking a drag of the cigarette instead. He took your cue and didn’t say anything else. After you finished the cigarette, you threw the butt on the ground, stood up, and started walking in the parking lot. After letting you walk alone for a moment, he chased after you. “Y/N!,” he called out. “Wait!” You ignored him and kept walking. “Talk to me,” he pleaded.   
  
“Did you know he was in there with her?” That’s all you could get out. You finally felt an emotion. Anger. And you yelled at Brian, and you shoved him – hard. “Did you fucking know?” He stumbled back before regaining his balance. He stood there telling you no, he didn’t, but you didn’t believe him. “You knew, didn’t you?” you yelled at him, hitting him with closed fists on his chest. “Why didn’t you tell me? You all let me walk in there and find them!” He stood there, letting you get out your anger, eventually grabbing you, pulling you into a hug, letting you cry while you rested your head on his chest.

“I promise you, Y/N, I didn’t know. She’s…” he stopped. “I didn’t know.”

As Brian stood there hugging you, Roger ran outside. He starts to yell your name, but you don’t move. He walks closer and calls your name again. You ignore him. He finally makes his way to where you and Brian are standing. “Y/N will you please just talk to me? It’s not what it looked like!” You push yourself out of Brian’s arms, glare at Roger, and walk away, back across the street to the pub.

Roger started to go after you, but Brian quickly grabbed his arm. “Leave her alone.” Roger yanked his arm away, which made Brian grab it harder. “You think she’s going to believe anything you have to say right now? Leave her alone.”

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” Roger asked through gritted teeth. “This is the best thing that could have happened, isn’t it?”

“What? No! I’m not enjoying this at all.”  
  
“Well why not? Now you can finally have her, right?”  
  
“That is not what I’m thinking at all.”

“Well what are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking about how stupid you are. How you more than likely fucked up something we all wish we had.” He started to walk away, considering following you, but turned back to Roger instead. “What were you even thinking, Roger?”

“It wasn’t what she thought she saw!” he yelled. “Lisa… She’s been trying since the day Y/N went back to London.” He sighs deep from the pit of his stomach. “I would never do that to Y/N, Bri. I thought it was Y/N!”  
  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

You walk back into the hotel after drinking more until they made you leave since they were closing, barely keeping your footing, but you were concentrating super hard on not falling and embarrassing yourself. This definitely wasn’t the night you had planned, but, of course, that didn’t work out.   
  
You look around the lobby, not wanting to see anyone you know because you didn’t want to talk to anyone. You just wanted to be alone, in silence, so you could sleep this drunken stupor off and get back to London in the morning. You have no idea where you’re going to sleep, or even where you were going. You see Curtis, one of the roadies, who asks if you need help getting to Roger’s room. “Fuck him,” you mumble, and head to Brian’s room, hoping he’ll let you crash there. Oh no, what if Roger sees me? you think to yourself. You just have to be really quiet, Y/N.   
  
Walking in heels is a challenge when you’re plastered, but you’re determined to make it work. It doesn’t. You’re only a few doors away from Brian’s room when you stumble and catch yourself on what you think is the wall. You start laughing hysterically. “Oops,” you say out loud, to no one, because you’re the only one there. “Oh, now you’re talking to yourself, Y/N,” you mumble out loud. As you steady yourself, you notice that you’re not holding yourself up against the wall, but a door. You squint your drunken eyes so you can read the number. “Aww, this isn’t his room.” You slap your hand against the door. “I’m sorry if I bothered you,” you say to the door. Once your hand comes off, it opens, startling you. Thinking you’re about to get scolded, you start giggling – because everything is funny to you right now – and wait to see who comes out, prepared to apologize.   
  
Roger opens the door. Your giggling immediately stops, and you start to walk backwards before tripping over your own feet and falling to the floor. He bends down to help you up and you slap his hands away. “Come on, Y/N, let me help you up.”   
  
“Do not fucking touch me, Roger!” you yell.   
  
“Shh, you’ll wake everyone up.”   
  
“Don’t tell me what to do!”   
  
“People are sleeping, Y/N,” he whispers. “Come on.”   
  
“I can get up myself!” You try, but you can’t get your footing, and you keep falling back down. He’s trying to grab your hands, your arms, anything to help you up but you keep slapping him and pushing him away. “Fuck off!” you yell at him before kicking him right in the groin, which causes him to join you on the ground.   
  
“Jesus Christ, Y/N!” he cries out in agony.   
  
“Maybe you shouldn’t have stuck it in someone else’s pussy!” you tell, still trying to stand up – still failing miserably.   
  
“I didn’t…” He decides it’s best not to finish that statement. Not while you’re in this condition. He regains his composure and stands back up. “Will you please let me help you?”   
  
You give up. You know you can’t get up with these stupid shoes on. You give him a defeated look, raise up your arms and hold out your hands. He pulls you up and you start crying. “I don’t even know which room I can sleep in.”   
  
“You’re coming with me,” he says. “I’m not leaving you in this state.”   
  
“We’re in England, Roger. There are no states here.” You roll your eyes.   
  
He gives you a blank stare and shakes his head, grabbing your wrist to drag you into his room. “Come on…”   
  
You yank your arm back and start to fall again before he catches you. “I’m not going in there with you.”   
  
“Then go to another room,” he fusses as he lets you go, which causes you to start crying again.   
  
Another door opens and John pokes his head out. “What’s going on out here?”   
  
“I’m sorry. I’m trying to get her to bed,” Roger tells him.   
  
“Johnny!” you say, excited to see your friend. He grunts. He hates when you call him that, and he knows you do it to annoy him when you’re drunk. “Do you know which room I can sleep in?”   
  
Seeing Roger has his hands full, he walks out into the hall. “Do you need help?” he asked.   
  
“Please…”   
  
You got angry again. “I caught him with his dick in Lisa. Where is she, anyway? We need to talk.” John was shocked and looked at Roger with his mouth open. He knew you saw Roger and Lisa together, but he didn’t think it went that far with them.   
  
“Can you just help me get her in the room?” he pleaded with John.   
  
John tries to talk you into the room, but you’re not paying him any attention. You’re crying again, but not about your room this time. “What’s wrong with me, John? Am I so hideous that he wants to fuck my best friend?” John is stunned and doesn’t think he needs to be in the middle of this.   
  
“I don’t think we need to be having this conversation in the hall,” John says as he wraps his arm around you and starts walking to Roger’s room. “Let’s go talk inside.” He looks at Roger and gives him a thumb up and leads you into the room.   
  
You walk in and head immediately to the bed, where you sit down and struggle to take off your shoes. “These stupid fucking things! I hate them!” Roger and John just stand there, only moving to dodge out of the way when you throw them in their direction.   
  
Roger walks over to the sink and fills up a cup of water. He brings it over to you. “Here, have some water.”   
  
You knock the cup out of his hand. “I don’t want that.”   
  
John picks up the cup, fills it back up with water, and hands it to you. “You should drink this. It’ll make you feel better.” You smile, take the cup from him, and start drinking.   
  
The room goes quiet. You sit there, eyes falling asleep, your body swaying as it turns itself off for the night. “You should maybe go to sleep, Y/N. Do you want to change? I have a shirt you can wear,” Roger tells you.  
  
You snap out of your sleepy haze and give him a death stare. “I’m not tired.”   
  
John walks over and bends down in front of you, putting his hands on your knees. “Why don’t you lay down, Y/N? Get some rest.” You smile, hand him the cup of water, and lay down. Almost immediately, you pass out. He moves the covers from under you and pulls them over you. As he passes by Roger to leave, he glares angrily at him.   
  
“I didn’t know it was Lisa. I thought it was Y/N.”   
  
“Stop it,” John says. “She’s the one who needs to hear whatever you’re about to say. Not me.” He grabbed the doorknob and turned around. “Be careful with how you handle this.” He opened the door and saw Lisa standing in front of him. He pushed past her and headed to his room.   
  
“Roger? Are you in here?” she asks, quietly, as she walks in. She sees him sitting in the corner. “Hey, I thought we could finish…” She stops, noticing you laying in the bed, and starts giggling. “I thought she ran away like she always does wh…”   
  
“Get out,” he tautly tells her, stopping her mid-sentence. He stands up from the chair and walks over to her. “Get the fuck out, Lisa!”   
  
“But I thought we….”   
  
“Get out!! You’ve probably ruined my life and now you want to finish? GET OUT!”   
  
“Don’t blame me! I didn’t force you!”   
  
“GET THE FUCK OUT!”   
  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

You wake up the next morning – or maybe it was afternoon – to the sounds of birds chirping outside of the window, normally a happy sound, but today all they’re doing is making your headache worse. After slowly sitting up, you notice Roger sleeping in the chair in the corner of the room and try to figure out how you’re going to leave the room without waking him. You don’t even want to look at him and you definitely don’t want to hear his voice. You quietly climb out of the bed, locate your shoes and sneak out of the door. After making sure the door closes without making any noise, you turn to leave, only to see John standing in your path.   
  
“Sleep well?” he asks, with a hint of concern in his facial expression.   
  
“I don’t even know, Deaky,” you reply with a sigh, his expression growing grimmer. You didn’t pick on him, and that was enough cause for concern.   
  
“I’m going grab something to eat. Wanna come?” You look at him like you want to vomit and he starts laughing. “I know, I’m just joking. Let’s get you fixed up.” He threw an arm around your shoulder and walked you across the hall to his room. After handing you a glass of water and some medicine to dull your pain, he sat next to you on the bed. “Gemma and Mary went out shopping. They were going to wait for you…” He can tell you’re not interested in anything he’s saying. “Do you want to talk about it?” You didn’t answer, and John hesitated before he started talking. “I noticed her trying to...” You plead with your eyes for more information. “Fred kept telling her to back off, and Rog…”   
  
“So Freddie knew?” Your stomach aches with betrayal.   
  
“No, Y/N. I mean, yes, he knew she was trying, but no, he didn’t know she had gotten that far,” he said. “In fact he said there was no way Roger was going to make that mistake since he’s completely mad about you so we didn’t need to worry about it. She seemed to be more focused on Bri, really.”   
  
“Well, I guess Freddie was wrong then.”   
  
“Look, I know how Rog feels about you. It’s obvious. He would never purposely hurt you, Y/N.” He wraps an arm around you and pulls you in for a hug. “I know what you saw, but he swears he thought she was you. I don’t know, I wasn’t there, but he would never purposely hurt you.”   
  
“So, what? You’re trying to tell me that it was an accident?”   
  
He sighs. “I know you don’t want to hear that guys are different, but we are. Sometimes, we don’t use our heads.”   
  
“John, I appreciate you and what you’re trying to do, but…”   
  
“I know. Nothing I say is going to fix any of this for you.” He hugs you tighter. “But if you need to talk, Gemma and I are here for you. I know we aren’t as close as…”   
  
“I love ya, John,” you peck him on the nose. “Thank you for being here. But I guess I should go so I can catch the train back.” You’re interrupted by a knock on the door and he gets up to answer.   
  
“Is she in here?” It’s Roger, the last person you need to see right now. Roger pushes John to the side and runs in the room. He sees you sitting on the bed and falls to his knees in front of you, holding your hands, but you don’t hold his back. You look at him, expressionless, unsure what to do. You’re not even angry anymore. You don’t know what you’re feeling. “Will you please talk to me? Or let me talk?” he begs you. Your face stays unchanged.   
  
“Leave her alone, Rog.” Freddie is standing behind him now, furious. John pulls Roger up from the floor and walks out the door.   
  
You look at Freddie and start crying, not needing to say a word. “Come here, Princess,” he says as he motions for you to let him hug you. “I’m here.” He sways with you in his arms, letting you cry.   
  
“Did you know, Freddie? I need to know.”   
  
He sighs. “I thought her focus was on Brian. I told her to stop being so flirty with Rog because it wasn’t fair to you.” Out of nowhere, you start laughing. “Laughter through tears is the best, but I don’t know why you’re laughing right now.”   
  
“I’m just thinking back to how you wanted me to stay away from Roger, and now here I am, completely heartbroken.”   
  
“Y/N, you love him. I know he loves you. You are perfect together. I know you are the most important person in his life. You need to talk to him and fix this.”   
  
“Maybe I don’t want to fix it.”   
  
“You have to fix it. Think of the children. Me, Deaky, and Bri won’t know how to handle it if you don’t.”   
  
“You’re such an ass,” you say with a laugh as you hit him with a pillow.   
  
“Come on,” he says as he stands and pulls you up with him. “I haven’t had Princess time in a while. Let’s go clear our heads and buy things we don’t need.” You start to protest but he’s not hearing any of it. “There’s a market in the city center and you’re coming with me so I don’t buy things I can’t afford.”   
  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

You stand at the door of the hotel with your suitcase next to your feet, angrily checking your watch. If the car doesn’t show up soon to take you to the station you’re going to miss the next train back to London. Suddenly, you feel a hand on your shoulder, and, startled, you turn and punch the owner of said hand in the stomach.   
  
“Fuck, Y/N!” Brian is doubled over in pain, the wind knocked out of him.   
  
“I’m so sorry!” You bend over to check on him. “You scared me! Are you okay?”   
  
“Remind me not to piss you off!” He starts to laugh, and you can’t help but join in. “Leaving?”   
  
You frown and point down to your suitcase. “If the car ever comes. There’s only one train left to London today.” You look down at your watch one last time and realize that your waiting is all for nothing. You were reading the time wrong. It was 3:58, not 2:58, and the next train leaves at 4:00. “Great. Just great.” You sit down on your suitcase and hold your head in your hands.   
  
He bends down to get even with you and rubs your shoulder, not sure what to say or do. “Come on. Let’s put your things in my room and go get something to eat. I know you haven’t eaten a thing all day.” You look up at him, smile and nod, but he can see in your eyes that your smile was forced.   
  
He opens the door to his room and lets you go in first. Once you’re in the room, he sees Roger standing down the hall, staring angrily. “Go on in. Freshen up. I’ll be out here,” he says before closing the door and walking down to meet Roger.   
  
“Didn’t take long for you to pounce,” Roger seethes. “She’s vulnerable right now and…”   
  
“Oh, shut the fuck up, Rog,” Brian replies with sarcasm. “She needs a friend right now.”   
  
“So do I!” he yells. “No one is fucking listening to anything I’m saying.” He leans against the wall and throws his head back against it. “I know what she saw, and she did see it, but it wasn’t like that. I was drunk. The lights were out. All I saw was Y/H/C hair and… Fuck, Brian, they look so much alike, and in the dark...” He rubbed his face and glanced over to Brian. “I know you don’t believe me.”   
  
Brian walked over and patted Roger’s shoulder. “I do. I believe you. That girl was trouble from the start,” he sighed as he leaned against the wall next to Roger. “The day Jane left she was there not even an hour later trying with me.”   
  
Roger slid his body down and sat on the ground, head in his hands. “I’ve lost her, haven’t I?”   
  
Brian sat next to him, trying to do his best to comfort his best friend. “We’ll sort it all out. Just keep some distance between the two of you right now, let her calm down. I’ll talk to her.” Roger looked over to him, wondering why Brian was going to help anything, knowing how he felt about you. Brian gently smiled and shook his head. “I’ll talk to her.”   
  
⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

Brian found a small, inconspicuous diner to take you to, away from prying eyes and interruptions. You each ordered a salad, but you weren’t feeling up to eating. You kept picking at bits of it, mostly playing around with everything in the plate, you mind clearly elsewhere. Brian dropped his fork in his plate, making a rattle. “You need to talk to him,” he tells you forcefully as he looks into your eyes, concerned by how you’re acting.  
  
“I don’t want to,” you snip. “And I don’t want to talk about it either.” You glare at him, hoping he gets the hint, but he doesn’t.   
  
“You came here for a new life, yeah?” You look down at the table and he grabs your hand. “So stop letting your old one in.” Your eyes look up at his as you listen to what he has to say. “Your problem is you’re too forgiving. Not that I haven’t been lucky enough to be on the receiving end of your forgiveness, more than I should have been…” he chuckles. “But you need to be more restrictive with it, Y/N.” He lets go of your hand and his eyes turn serious. “I know she was your best friend. I know she was important to you. But you cut her out for a reason, then you let her back in.”   
  
Your eyes started to tear up. “I missed her,” you whispered.   
  
“Did you miss her or the freedom you felt when she was around?” His brow raised, wondering what exactly you missed about Lisa. “You have that freedom now, without her.”   
  
You looked up at the ceiling as a small tear fell down your cheek. “I just want everything to be normal.”   
  
“Normal is a relative term, isn’t it? Your normal is not my normal, or anyone else’s normal.” He started to chortle and smile. “And normal is boring. You don’t do well with boring.”   
  
You appreciate the joke. It breaks the tension. “I don’t do well with drama either,” you tell him as you roll your eyes.  
  
“Then get rid of the drama.” He leaned back in his chair with a smile.   
  
“I will. Tomorrow. Tonight, I want to drink.” You call the waiter over and order a glass of wine.   
  
His tone turns serious again. “Talk to him, Y/N,” he tells you. “You need to hear what he has to say.” He leans onto the table, making stern eye contact with you again, making sure you’re paying attention. “After everything Mark did to you, you listened to him when he wanted to talk.”

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

You were tired and a bit tipsy. All you wanted to do was lay down and sleep again. Physically tired and mentally tired. You needed a hug. You needed comfort. And while just being with Brian and talking to him was comforting, you were still missing something. Freddie and Mary had an extra bed in their room that they offered to you. While he was always your go to whenever you were having drama, he didn’t calm you like Brian did, so when Brian offered his bed for you to sleep in, you gladly took him up on the offer. When you walked out of the bathroom after getting ready for bed, you noticed Brian trying to get comfortable in the chair and started to laugh. “There is absolutely no way your lanky self is going to fit in that thing,” you tell him. “You take the bed. I can curl up in that.”

“No, I’ll be fine,” he smiled. “You take the bed.” He was clearly getting frustrated, as evidenced by his grunting and sighing whenever he couldn’t adjust himself into a comfortable position.

“Okay, then you take the right side and I’ll take the left,” you tell him as you scoot over close to the wall and pat the other side of the bed. He gives you a curious look and you roll your eyes. “Come on, Bri. We’re adults here.” He silently agrees, although cautiously, and smiles before climbing into bed. You pull the blanket and get out from under the sheet, pushing it all towards him and covering up with the blanket. “Look, we don’t even have to share covers,” you giggle as you lay down on your back next to him.

He started to laugh nervously. “This isn’t the least bit awkward,” he said as he rubbed his eyes with the bottom of his palms.

“Oh stop,” you giggle. “It’s only awkward if you make it.” You turn on your side and face him. “Thank you, Brian. For putting up with me. It means a lot.”

He turns and faces you. “I hate knowing that you’re broken, and I can’t put you together again.” He immediately regrets saying that, but he can see in your eyes and your smile that you found no harm in it. And the two of you stayed like that, smiling and staring into each other’s eyes, for what seemed like hours, but it wasn’t even for a full minute.

“Hold me,” you pleadingly whispered. “Please hold me.” Your eyes started to puddle but you didn’t want to allow the tears to flow.

“I can’t hold you,” he whispered back. “It’s impossible for me to just hold you, Y/N.”

“Brian…” You brought a hand up to his face, running your fingers softly on his cheek.  
  
“No, Y/N,” he said as he grabbed your hand and moved it away.   
  
It upset you. He never shied away from your touch before and you didn’t know why he was doing it now. All you wanted was for him to hold you and make you feel like you mattered. The one thing you needed was a hug – not some sympathetic hug, but one that came from someone who was doing it because they wanted to, not because they felt like they needed to. “I’m not some delicate flower. I wish you all would stop treating me like one!” you grunted as you rolled over onto your back.  
  
“You’re so fucking blind,” he grunted back at you as he sat up and started to get out of the bed. “You don’t get it, do you?”   
  
You sat up as well and started to raise your voice in annoyance. “No, I don’t so please tell me!”   
  
“I don’t know what to do that will make any of this better,” he tells you. “And I…” He pauses, knowing that if he finishes that thought out loud it’s only going to complicate what it already starting to be a complicated situation. With the tears in your eyes starting to fall, you lay back down and face the wall, not saying another word. He looked over at the chair, then back at you, and against his better judgment, he laid back down, scooting against you and wrapping you in his arms. “If this is what it takes to make you feel better, then I’ll do it,” he whispered, trying to make you think he was doing this for you, when he was actually doing it for himself, too.

You turn around and face him, still wrapped in his arms. “Thank you,” you whisper. You can’t stop looking into each other’s eyes that are being lit by the moon glow coming through the window. He tries to stop himself, but he can’t help leaning in and kissing you softly on your lips, and you don’t stop him. You don’t know why you don’t stop him, but you don’t. It was comforting, like his holding you was, but it wasn’t the same as when Roger would hold you. This was different.

He quickly pulled away, regretting ever getting into the bed with you because he knew, as he said, that he would never be able to _just_ hold you. “No,” he whispered, not letting you go. “Not like this.” This time you didn’t get upset. You understood perfectly what he was trying to tell you before. You smiled and nodded before turning back to face the wall, falling asleep in his arms.


	12. Black

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! This one is much shorter than normal, but this is where it has to end, for now! I’ll be on a tiny hiatus for a few weeks, but when I come back, we’ll be flash forwarding a few years to 1975.

Rain can be a curse or a blessing. It can help create new life or too much can take it away. It can be in the background during the creation of wonderful memories, or it can be around to create somber moods. Some of your happier times were spent in the rain, like that day in Paris with your mom when the two of you decided to dance in the sun shower during your picnic in Parc de Belleville instead of running for cover like everyone else. When you first met Freddie your first day back in London. The first night you felt like you really bonded with Roger, both of you sharing things with each other that no one else knew.   
  
Now it was raining again, and Roger was involved again, but you didn’t think this night would end with a single ounce of relief from the pain you were feeling. You can’t help but find a small hint of amusement in the irony. He listened to you relive some of your worst pain as rain tapped on the window in the very room you are sitting in. Now he was the cause of the pain and you knew that no matter how hard he tried, there was no way he was going to take that pain away right now.   
  
“Y/N,” you hear him say your name as he walks in. You hear the nervousness in his voice. You want to ignore it – you want to ignore him – but you also want to yell and scream and do whatever you can do to make him know just how much you’re hurting. You don’t turn to face him, instead choosing to turn the other way, wishing he would just leave. But he doesn’t. He sits in the chair, directly across from you, pleading to be heard. But he says nothing.   
  
You stand up, hesitating for a moment, before walking to the bedroom, slamming the door and locking it. You want to cry but you can’t. You’ve cried all you can. You resort back to the numbness, the only thing you want to feel. No emotion is better than any emotion at this point.   
  
“Please, talk to me, Y/N,” you hear him say from the other side of the door. You ignore him. He continues his pleading, hoping he’ll annoy you enough to at least fly into a fit of rage, because at least then you’ll acknowledge his presence. But you don’t. You stay quiet, under the covers in the bed. “I’m not leaving until you talk to me.”   
  
This hurt you more than any other pain – emotional or physical – any other person had ever given you. You wonder why you even let him get close enough to hurt you like he did. You did just fine in the past walling yourself off from everyone and you were cursing yourself for ever tearing that wall down. You knew that the only reason it hurt so bad is because you allowed yourself to love him, and you were regretting ever letting that happen.   
  
“Will you please come out so we can talk? Or so I can talk? Something…” he mumbled through the door. You didn’t want to hear anything he had to say. You were too busy laying the bricks to build that wall back up again. You liked it better when you didn’t get too close. “Y/N, please, let me talk to you instead of this door.” There’s something in his tone that lets you know that he’s hurting, too. Maybe he does regret what he’s done. Maybe he really is sorry. Maybe… but you don’t care. “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Y/N. I can’t just let you go like this.” You move and sit against the door knowing that he’s sitting on the other side and can’t stop the tears from forming in your eyes. He knows you’re right there, too. He can hear you breathing. “Remember that day we spent out in the garden? Playing the radio loud, getting drunk and annoying the neighbors?” You chuffed when you thought back to that day, long before you and Roger ever made any declarations to each other. “You were wearing that green shirt and brown pants, your hair was down, and you didn’t have any makeup on.” You leaned your head against the door, wanting to be closer to him as you listened. “I remember sitting there thinking how beautiful you were and how kind you were and how smart you were and how funny you were.” You hear him knock his head back against the door. “That day seemed so insignificant at the time, but that was the day I fell in love with you, Y/N.” Soft tears started to fall down your cheeks, and you struggled to keep the rest of your emotions from boiling over. “I love you, Y/N. Nothing I’ve ever told you about my feelings for you was a lie,” he said softly. “Just talk to me, please.”   
  
You open the door and he falls backwards before hurrying to stand up. You push past him and walk into the living room. He follows, not sure if you’re going to ignore him again or actually listen to what he wants to tell you.   
  
“If the words ‘I’m sorry’ are about to come out of your mouth, don’t even bother,” you curtly tell him as he sits down next to you. “Those have about as much meaning to me right now as…”   
  
“I love you.”   
  
“… those do.”   
  
“I love you.”   
  
“Stop saying that. If you did, we wouldn’t be here right now, Roger.”   
  
“Can you please let me explain?”   
  
“Oh this should be a good one. ‘I’m sorry, Y/N, but I needed it so bad and you weren’t there, but Lisa was so…’”   
  
“No! That’s not what happened.”   
  
“Well what did happen? You tripped and fell on top of her?”  
  
He tries to hold your hand but you slap it away. “I had no idea she was in there. All of the lights were out in the room and I couldn’t see much.” You sit in silence, seething, but allowed him to keep talking. “All I saw was Y/H/C hair, and it looked like yours. I thought it was you in the bed. I couldn’t see anything and I was feeling strange.” You continued your silence. “I didn’t know it was her until she started talking…”   
  
“How could you not know it was me?” you yelled. “Do we feel the same? Do we smell the same? Do we sound the same?”  
  
“She was wearing your fucking perfume,” he groaned. “She fixed her hair like you had it fixed. I swear to God, Y/N, I didn’t know it was her. I was so drunk…”   
  
You rolled your eyes and looked away. “Drunk,” you mumble. “You think that’s supposed to make this all better? You fucked my best friend!”  
  
“And you fucked my best friend!” he yells back.   
  
“This is NOTHING like that, Roger! When that happened, we weren’t even…”   
  
“Weren’t even what, Y/N? Weren’t feeling anything for each other? Not to mention that, from what I understand, you were completely sober!” He tones down his voice and tries to get you to tone yours down as well. “You knew how I felt about you. You knew how you felt about me. Yet it still happened.”   
  
“Why are you so hung up on that? We weren’t together then!”   
  
“Why am I still hung up on that? Do you want to know why? Because you were never…”   
  
“I was never what, Roger?” You force yourself to stop yelling. Nothing good ever came through yelling and screaming. “You’re not going to sit here and make this into my fault.”   
  
“You were never going to tell me. You were going to let me walk around like a goddamn fool when everyone else knew about it.”   
  
“Should I sit here and rattle off the names of all the girls you fucked since I’ve known you? Or no?”   
  
“They meant nothing to me.”   
  
“And I told you Brian meant nothing to me.”   
  
He started to run his hands through his hair, leaning back on the sofa and sighing with an anxious look on his face. “And I believe you. Now will you believe me when I tell you that what happened that night was the biggest regret of my life? I swear to you, I did not know that wasn’t you.”   
  
“I’m the biggest idiot in the world.” He looks you in the eyes, brows crumpled, and he shakes his head no. “I am. I let her back in. I know how she is, but she told me she was changing. I thought it would be different with her this time.” After taking a deep breath, you asked the question you didn’t know if you wanted answered. “Be honest with me, Roger. Did anything else happen?”   
  
“I woke up next to her one morning. I swear nothing happened. She was trying to convince me that something did, but I know nothing happened. I don’t even remember getting into bed.”   
  
You started to chuff. “That’s how she used to get her money. She’d drug these rich old guys and take their money when they were sleeping but stay with them the whole night so when they woke up the next morning they wouldn’t be suspicious.” He looked at you with a troubled, perplexed look. “Let me guess. You still had your socks on.” He raised his eyebrow and nodded his head yes and you start to boil up inside. “She doesn’t like feet.”   
  
You walk over to the window and sit down on the sill. Roger watches you for a little while as you stare out of the window to the garden below before walking over to you. He doesn’t know what to say or what to do, so he stands there, still looking at you, and starts to play with your hair. You lean your head over to his hand, enjoying the feeling of relief that always brought to you. “Please tell me I haven’t lost you, Y/N.”   
  
Your lives were catastrophic roller coasters before you met each other, filled with a messy mix of unhinged fun and damaging behavior. Together, though, you somehow managed to balance out each other’s perfect storm of chaos, calming it down to nothing more than a gentle breeze. No, things weren’t perfect – they were never going to be perfect – but you gave each other comfort, peacefulness and normalcy. You both came from family lives that left a lot to be desired. You both ventured out on a self-destructive path as soon as you could. You both felt unlovable, and like you were unable to love. Perhaps that’s why the two of you melded so flawlessly together.   
  
“I’m exhausted, Roger,” you whisper, not looking at him. “I am mentally exhausted, and I don’t know how much more I can take before I breakdown.” You turn to look at him with tear-stained cheeks. “The reason I came here was so I could stop being so fucking miserable.” He pulled a chair over from the dining table and sat down, holding your head in his palm. You can hear his breathing getting heavier, shakier, and you hear him gulp, anticipating what you were going to say next. “I’m sorry, Roger,” you cried. The tears that started to puddle in his eyes told you that you were breaking his heart right now, and that hurt you more than any of this, but you had to, for your own sake. “I need to be alone,” you tell him as gently as possible, holding a hand up to his cheek. You lean in to kiss him, just a soft peck on his lips. “You can stay here with Freddie if you want to, but I have to go away for a little while.”  
  
“What?” He was suddenly lost and empty. “Where? Why? Don’t leave, Y/N,” he rattled off, not knowing how to take what you were just telling him. You started to stand up, but he pulled you back down. “You can’t leave.”   
  
You pointed to the corner where you had a suitcase and a duffle bag packed, and his eyes followed, turning back to you with distress plastered all over his face. “Just for a little while,” you calmly tell him.   
  
“Where are you going?”   
  
“Not sure. Wherever the first flight out of Heathrow is headed when I get there, I guess.”   
  
“Y/N, you can’t just…”   
  
“I have to. I’m going to combust if I stay here.”   
  
“You don’t understand!” he yells at you. “I fucking need you here. With me. I can’t…” He grabs your face with his hands and leaned his face close to yours, resting your foreheads together. “I can’t do any of this alone. I can’t.” He needed you, and you needed him just as much. “I am so sorry for any hurt I have made,” he murmurs persuasively, but gentle. “I cannot bear to think of my life without you, Y/N, and I know you don’t want me out of yours. I know you…” You interject with a firm, deep kiss as you wrap your arms around his neck. He stands up and lifts you with him, not breaking the kiss, and carries you into the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

You woke up around midnight, wrapped in Roger’s embrace, hearing him breathing in the same pattern he always breathed when he was deep in sleep. You gently pulled yourself out of his arms and sat up, looking at him with tears in your eyes. You finally knew what people meant when they said they loved someone so much it hurt, because the burning you were feeling inside was like nothing you ever felt before. You knew he was telling the truth. You knew he would never do anything to hurt you. You wanted to lay back down next to him, crawl back into his arms and never leave them again, but you had to go. You had to leave. You were never going to be the person you wanted to be – not just for yourself, but for him – if you didn’t learn to love yourself, and you were never going to love yourself if you didn’t know how to be with yourself. You quietly stood up from the bed and got dressed, brushed your hair and walked out the room.

The living room was dark, but you still managed to get to your packed bags without making a sound. You reached down into the front pocket of your purse and pulled out four envelopes – each one addressed to the guys that you were leaving behind. After picking up your suitcase and throwing your bag over your shoulder, you turned to walk to the coffee table to leave the letters. “Where do you think you’re going?” you hear Freddie ask in a deeper, more forceful tone than you’d ever heard come from his mouth. He was angry – he’s never been angry with you – and you were speechless. “You were just going to leave me with a fucking note?” He turned on the lamp sitting on the table next to him and you opened your mouth to talk. “Save any words that are about to come out of your mouth because I don’t want to hear them.” You noticed other people in the room – Brian and John. “So it is true,” Freddie grunted as he stood up and walked in front of you. “When things get tough, you leave.” You furrowed your brows, starting to get angry right back because those words stung like a million bees in your heart, and he held a finger up to your mouth letting you know that he still didn’t want to hear anything you had to say. You look over to Brian and John, both looking equally as displeased with you as Freddie was, sitting on the sofa with their arms folded. Freddie yanked the suitcase from your hand and pulled the bag from your shoulder. “Sit down,” he forcefully told you as he pointed to the sofa, and you did as you were told.

After sitting there in silence for a while, John was the first to speak. “We know you’re upset and we don’t blame you at all, but you can’t run away from your problems. You especially can’t leave without at least talking to him first. I know if you…”

You hold up a hand and stop him. “Can I speak?” you sarcastically ask Freddie. “I talked to him. He’s in my room sleeping.”

“And you’re still leaving?” Brian asked, clearly upset. “Didn’t you fix…”

“Yes, I’m still leaving,” you bluntly stated, interrupting him, too. “And I am not running away,” you say with force as you glare at Freddie who rolled his eyes. “Is it too much to ask that I have some time for myself? To work out my bullshit?”

“Yes, it’s too much to ask,” Freddie mockingly responds. “How much of your bullshit have you ever been able to work out on your own?” He starts to snicker. “Seems to me that you only get bullshit when you’re on your own, Princess.”

Brian grabs your shoulders and turns you to face him. “Think about it. When did everything start to fall apart?” You look down as your eyes start to well up. “You had no one, Y/N. Yes, you had people around you, but how many of them could you truly depend on?”

“And don’t fucking say Lisa,” John fussed. “Clearly she’s never been dependable.” You started to chuckle as you wiped away your tears.

“Look at me,” Brian orders and you look back to him. “Like Freddie said, you only get bullshit when you’re on your own. You have four people here that you can always depend on no matter what.” He started to giggle quietly and smiled. “Sure, some of us have brought you bullshit that you didn’t deserve,” he said as he pointed to himself, “but we will never allow you to break.”

John leaned over from behind Brian and got your attention. “We’re your glue,” he joked. “If you break, we’ll make sure you get fixed.” He got up and walked over to you, grabbing you in a big, ridiculous hug. “Johnny loves ya, baby,” he joked, trying to impersonate a New York accent, which made you cry again, only this time with laughter. He tapped Brian on the shoulder and motioned for him to leave.

Brian leans over to give you a hug. “I hope the black you’re feeling fades to a brighter color,” he whispers in your ear before kissing you on the cheek. He breaks the embrace and smiles before getting up to leave with John, leaving you alone with Freddie, who moves to the sofa next to you and grabs one of Roger’s cigarettes from the pack sitting on the coffee table and hands it to you with a pack of matches, knowing that you need one right now.

“I’ve told you many times,” he chuckled. “You can’t hide shit from me, Princess.”

You grab him into a hug and hold him tight. “I know I tell you all the time, but I really don’t know what I’d do without you,” you tell him. “You’re my rock.”

“Look,” he starts to tell you as he pulls back. “If you want to ‘be alone,’” he says with air quotes, “just say the word and I’ll move out. I’ll go live with Mary. She’s been trying to get me to move in anyway.” He grabs your face in his hands and pulls it close to his. “But you’re not leaving London. I won’t fucking allow it.”

You pucker up and kiss his nose and he taps you on yours in retaliation. “Will I still get my daily Freddie time?” you ask sweetly. “Because if not, I won’t fucking allow it.”

“Please,” he says dramatically. “I won’t abandon you like you were ready to abandon me.” You both start to laugh before he turns serious. “It’ll do you and Rog good to have privacy, yeah?” Your smile starts to fade and Freddie starts to get concerned. “You’re not ending it with him, are you?” You don’t say anything. “You can’t.” He starts to smile. “I won’t fucking allow it.” You start to smile again and he leans over to kiss your forehead. “I love you, Princess.”

“I love you, Freddie.” He gets up and starts to walk away. “Hey,” you call for him. “Thank you. For everything.”

“You’d be a fucking mess without me,” he chuckles. “Now get your cute ass back in that room and go snuggle up with your guy.” You stand up and turn off the lamp before walking to your room. “Oh, before you go,” he stops you. “Go wash your face. You look like shit, Princess.” He starts to laugh and runs in his room before you can catch him.

You’re startled when you turn to go to your room, seeing Roger standing in the doorway. “I think you look quite pretty,” he says with a soft smile as he holds out a hand. “Come on, let’s get some sleep.”

 


End file.
